How Do You Handle Death?

by minimus 57 Replies latest jw friends

  • Undecided

    When my dad died I was 18 and had graduated from school and was pioneering, this is what my dad expected of me. When he died he was having an operation and my mother, aunt, and I,( can't remember who else was there), went to eat while it was going on. We came back and were waiting for the doctors report. The doctor walked in and said,"Well, he died on us." It was a shock to us, we never expected it to happen. I remember sitting there for a minute and trying to accept it. I cried a little, got up and got a drink of water and came back to where my mother was. That was all the emotion I showed.

    Actually I was relieved that I could now go to work and didn't have to continue pioneering. He didn't have any insurance and I had to work to support my mother and I. I wanted to get married and start my life and I couldn't if I pioneered. About 2 years later I got married and was happy, got all the sex I wanted from my new wife as well as a partner and companion. We were happy. I really didn't miss my dad until later in life. I just thought he was gone for a few years and we would be reunited in the resurrection. This hope did make his death a lot easier.

    Now I just accept that death is a part of life and we will have to deal with it the best we can. I don't know how I could deal with the death of my kids though. It would be devastating.

    Ken P.

  • smurfette

    I have the take it as it comes approach like Hamas. I also tend to laugh a little too much for some peoples comfort. Laughter is how I've always dealt with stress in general. I try not to explain that what we do not know and figure I'll find out what happens when we die eventually so why try to figure it out now.

    I hate the way the borg tries to make people emotionless in times of death to show their faith in the resurection.

    My family does what they call an irish wake. I'm not sure if it's actually an irish thing or if it's an irish american thing. They used to bring the whole body out to their favorite bar, we don't do that anymore darn public health codes, but we do take an article that reminds us the most of the person. The last one we did was for my dad, he was a Scot but learned the irish wake from my mom's family and had always wanted it done. We took his leather jacket he never took off in life and took "him" out with us to all of his favorite bars and got trashed as he would have wanted us to. It's for us the best way to deal with death, to celebrate the person's life while mourning their passing.

  • minimus

    Have you ever known of a "wake" or "viewing" being held at the Kingdom Hall?

  • maxwell

    I don't know how I will handle the death of a very close loved one as I haven't faced that yet. Seems like one of those things you can only know when you face it. I've had family members die, but none very close to me. While some JW's hold back grief, my grandmother does not. Every funeral I have ever gone to with her, she expresses her grief loudly. I used to think she was too animated, but my father once said, she's probably doing better than most because she lets it out. Hopefully, when someone dies close to me, I'll be able to take care of whatever responsibilities fall on me.

    I do remember one or two viewings being held in the Kingdom Hall, which were completely separate (scheduled at a different time) from the funeral talk. I more remember them having a formal procession to view the body immediately before or in the middle of the funeral talk. But in recent years, before I left, I noticed that some funerals included neither. The casket might be opened before the talk for people to view the body if they like.

    As for handling my own death, I won't. In the words of donkey "I'll rot." And hopefully very quickly without slowing the process with embalming fluid. I may even leave plans to have myself creamated. I see no reason to allow my remains to take up space for an extended amount of time.

  • minimus

    It seems quite strange to me to have a "viewing" in a Kingdom Hall. I've never personally seen it in my area.

  • Prisca

    The first time anyone close to me died was when my Mum died when I was 11. We were all there around her hospital bed when she died and I think that helped in accepting that she was gone. At the time I was a staunch JW and couldn't understand why my sister was crying so much. "We'll see her (Mum) in the resurrection soon, so why is she crying?" were my words at the time (I don't remember saying them but others have quoted me).

    Over the next decade I lost many other close relatives in death - aunts, uncles and my sole surviving grandmother.

    In a way, having so many of my family die whilst I was so young in a short period of time has in a way desensitised me so when people die it doesn't shock me as much as perhaps it would other people.

    I don't have any firm beliefs on what happens to us when we die, although I do think there is some kind of afterlife. I believe there is more to the universe than our physical life, just what it is remains to be seen.

  • Water

    I feel that every peson makes a contribution to the group we call 'the human population of Earth' during their lifetime. It can be difficult when people die 'early' but I try to focus on the difference they made in their lifetime. Even the shortest life changes the people and the world around it. I feel that the world is a better place because of everyone who has worked to make it so.


  • minimus

    When my grandmother died, I got the news at work. Since she was already dead, I continued working and then went home. Later that evening, I had 2 parts in the School and Service Meeting. I gave them and was proud that I didn't miss a meeting, even for my favorite grandmother (who was a pioneer) that just died. How warped, huh?

  • Prisca

    My mum died on a Saturday, and we went to the Sunday meeting the next morning. Half the cong already knew the news, but they made the official announcement at the Hall at that meeting. I don't think I got anything from the meeting, although I remember sitting there like a zombie. My sister was normally one of those that answered every second paragraph, but she didn't raise her hand once that Sunday.

  • minimus

    yes, we were programmed to act this way. It is NOT normal, is it?

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