1. Why wouldn’t Christians think of their congregation as a kind of hospital? We are sick with sin and we’re trying to get well, right? What hospital kicks the sick ones out the door and keeps the healthy ones?
We're not a hospital, brother. We are an advanced course working for a godly degree. You can get help from the assistants, but if you can't hack the course, you fail.
2. When you hire a coach to get you to the playoffs and win the big game, yet you lose...lose...lose.... do you FIRE him, or, do you keep him on? Well, then, how do you explain Fred Franz being made PRESIDENT after the 1975 fiasco?
You're talking about Jehovah's coach here. Quite often Jehovah teaches his earthly servants humility as he did Jonah. The year 1975 was deduced mathematically. The Governing Body doesn't claim to be inspired or infallible. If people leaned on mathematics too much and didn't adequately plan for the future, well, they did it to themselves!
3. Knowledge about life, medicine, science, astronomy, mathematics, physics, chemistry & history is greater and more abundant today than ever before. If you ignore higher education now--who is going to be the most clueless jackass in the room in the years to come?
That's not going to be a problem. You see, we're even closer to Armageddon now than we were in 1975. Those who learn worldly things will find that they worshiped the god of science rather than Jehovah. You should learn from that and love Jehovah...or he will wipe you out of existence like that [snap!]. Remember, he loves you! But don't cross him!
4. In a dark room, you light a candle. If it is still too dark to see clearly—do you light a new candle and blow out the old one? Then, try again. Explain this New Light crap once more.
New candles make new light, and as Jehovah brings us new candles, we see more! We learn more because we perceive more. But remember, brother, screw around with Jehovah's candles and you're going to get burned!
5. Humility consists of open willingness to admit mistakes and explain your failures with a promise NEVER to do it again. Arrogance, on the other hand, says this:
"At times explanations given by Jehovah’s visible organization have shown adjustments, seemingly to previous points of view. But this has not actually been the case."
We are humble, brother, which is why we tell you lovingly: you're beginng to annoy us. What we're saying is, at times it seems like the new light is changing what we see. Actually, what we're seeing doesn't change; it's the way we see them that changes. In other words, we're still right, even when it appears we were wrong.
6. A Faithful Servant does not tell guests what they should eat. A Wise Servant would not dare cry, “Dinner is being served” while the guests just sit and wait and wait--unless he needed to have his crazy ass fired!
We don't tell you what to eat. Our job is to feed you what you yourself want to eat. If you want to serve, we sell you materials to give to others. But if you want to question our authority, you're totally free to say so without any fear of reprisal. By the way, what is your name, brother and what congregation do you attend?
Name:________________________ KH: _________________________
7. Peter denied Christ 3 separate times out of self-regard in the face of danger. Afterward, Jesus gave him the keys to the Kingdom. Tell me again how any disfellowshipped person is WORSE?
Peter was in the Governing Body. You aren't. Get the picture? Let me put it like this: how many GB members have been DF'ed in the past hundred years? Okay, how many of you peons have been DF'ed? Starting to see how things are?? (Please don't ask us how we got the keys of the kingdom. It was all invisible and inaudible.)
8. Willingness to die for a belief seems to be the delight of terrorists and every other radical fanatic. Why do Christians find it heroic too?
Heroic, yes. To die for one's beliefs is one thing. When was the last time a GB member died? Now, when was the last time regular members died? Strange are the ways of Jehovah!
9. Okay, you're telling me what "this generation" REALLY MEANS now.....so....um...what the hell was all that other crap YOU SAID IT MEANT?
It's all a matter of record. What you thought we meant was not what we actually meant at all! In other words you can take that BIG candle and shove it up....[Expletive Deleted]
10. My mother suffered the pangs of birth so I could have a life. She fed me, changed my diapers, held me, dried my tears, taught me right from wrong and was always there for me. What kind of low-life ingrate will it make me IF I turn my back on her now because she won't quit smoking….and you just DISFELLOWSHIPPED HER!!
Well...we can see who loves Jehovah now, can't we! By ignoring her, you'll be helping her. See, what other degenerate, apostate Christian religion would teach you to "dis" your mom for the Kingdom's glory? Only us...and, well, maybe the Westboro Baptists!
We'll see who's smoking in Armageddon.
And it won't be us, buddy.