Hmmm...actually physically out? A couple of weeks or so, once I knew I was going to be involved with a "worldly" man. Actually free of the programming? Probably about a year.
How Long Were You "In Transition" Before You Left The Organization?
by minimus 51 Replies latest jw friends
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outnfree
You didn't ask how long it took me to get "in", so I won't address that... However, it might be instructive (to some) to see the seesaw that getting out entailed for me:
Baptized: Dec. 1989
February 1990: Read Grizzuti-Harrison's Visions of Glory and Penton's Jehovah's Witnesses in Canada: Champions of Freedom of Speech and Worship. Immediate doubts at the contrast in contents. Especially haunted by Harrison's chapter on Arnold.
May 1990: Absolutely enraged when 6/1/90 QFR on blood fractions appears and says most (all?) are okay. (Had struggled with this issue pre-baptism and felt the Society clearly said "NO.)
July 1990: Talked back into partial submission by high school friend who became a JW 10 years before me.
August? 1990: Take up the matter with the CO during his visit when this QFR was treated in the "Consider the Things Learned" part. Get dismissed with a one-sentence reply: "The Society says it's okay, so it's okay."
September? 1990: Unsatisfied with the CO's response, write a letter to the Society asking how this "new light" could possibly square with JW doctrine on Acts 20:28,29. Show letter to Book Study Conductor prior to mailing. He asks me to talk with HLC rep in our congregation before sending it. HLC rep takes me out in service and corners me after a subsequent meeting and pleads with me not to send it. Gets me to grudgingly allow as how "it's a conscience matter," which doesn't still the nagging question in my mind as to why it wasn't supposed to be a conscience matter for me (or anyone else) prior to this!
Circa 1993/4: Aforementioned high school friend's daughter df'd and the non-offending family members experience "disfellowshipping by blood ties" which is very painful for them.
Somewhere in here there is a study article that I believe is encouraging because (to me, anyway) it seems to say that there will be others besides JWs who will survive Armageddon by Jehovah's mercy. I send a letter to my friend about this, that she shouldn't despair for her daughter. Unfortunately, there is a service meeting part shortly thereafter that emphasized the hardline "only JWs will survive" position.
1994: H.S. friend and her son become inactive. I seek to encourage HER back in and succeed for a brief Memorial season.
October 1995: The November 1, 1995 Watchtower with the "generation change" article raises my eyebrows once again. I am old enough and around the truth long enough to have seen the (paraphrased here): "Those who understood the importance of the events of 1914 will not pass away;" change to "Those who were old enough (i.e., teens) to understand the events taking place around them in 1914 will not pass away;" change to "Those who were alive (including babes) when the events of 1914 transpired will not pass away;" change to this latest baloney. And then blaming the rank and file for the misapplication? Hah!
December 1995: Get our first personal computer.
Summer 1996: 12 year old daughter is chafing at our family studies. I think it might be good for her to study with another mature sister. She picks two. One agrees and they have one study. Elders get wind. I am supposed to ask permission for this. The Service Committee will review my "request." The sister will not study with my daughter until the word comes down. The answer is "No." The study does not continue. (Please understand that this is the daughter I went back to the "truth" to save and now she's gonna die after all, because she's heard everything Mom has to say on the subject and is bored and I'm SO distressed that what I think will keep her on the path to life is naysayed by three elders who do not really know my daughter.) My daughter is smart enough to remark: "I don't understand how three men can tell two grown women whether or not I can study the Bible with someone my mother chose, and these two women will listen to them. That's ridiculous!" I had to admit she had a point. Her meeting attendance declines (Dad has always maintained that the kids had to be attending of their own free will). I guilt her into coming now and again, though.
1996/97: Cannot convince my friend that she is better off 'in" than "out" -- however, she is very circumspect, not wanting to "stumble" me if I'm happy as a JW
Also, start a Bible study with the mother of my daughter's classmate. Very unorthodox, I actually read HER material (a no-no, as you all know. This leads me to want to research. I visit the library frequently. And print out copious amounts of WT material from their CD-ROM) Write a letter to the Society which I actually mail this time about "This IS my body/blood" vs. the NWT rendition "This MEANS my body/blood" as the Kingdom Interlinear shows "is" in all four gospel accounts. I get a really dumb reply, btw. The study asked me, "And this satisfies you?" I lied and said yes, but it really didn't.
Dec 1997: Contact a Bethel elder whom my high school friend respects greatly, asking for his help in restoring her to the fold. He tries a visit to her home and then a social invitation to a party at Bethel, which, weirdly enough, she accepts and then invites me to attend (I will be back East on holiday and we were planning to visit anyway). I get to see the "high life" of some Bethelites first hand. Never had before. I am astounded and abashed, actually.... but this is "old hat" to her. Hmmmmmmm...
January 1998: I have back surgery and the "friends" ignore me (save two or three who visited or sent cards or flowers). Contrast this with the meals for 7 days, housecleaning from top to bottom, etc., I experienced when in 1994 I was ordered to 15 days complete bedrest (but was brand new to the congregation).
September 1998: My friend and I go on our postponed-for-25-years trip to Paris together and STILL I cannot get her to admit that she misses the "Truth." More hmmmmm...
Circa 1998/1999: Back in touch with my born-again cousin (whom I try to convert) and a high school chum, now an evangelical minister, and become a JW apologist. (This is when I begin to see cracks in WT theology AND the falsification of their history.)
Circa 1999?: One of my two best local friends gets disfellowshipped. She doesn't tell me why, but she DOES tell me that the elders asked her to say something that would not be true and which would compromise her personal integrity.
Circa 2000: Said local friend gets very ill, near death and two of us are at a loss how to help but want to follow theocratic order. Meeting with elders set up. They will NOT go to see her "Why ever would we?"
Now I do more online research, read about Russell, blood issue, buy COC/ISOCF, etc. Because I am thinking: this REALLY isn't what Jesus would do, I start church shopping. Found one I liked.
December 2000: Other dear friend is concerned for my doubts. I go to one day of the Circuit Assembly and know I cannot do it anymore.
Early 2001: I get "turned in" by my dearest friend and just don't want to deal with talking to the elders. I spend time gently trying to pry her loose, to no avail.
March 2001: Hand deliver my Disassociation letter to all the elders. Agree to a meeting -- they want a month to try to "heal" me, but I see the writing on the wall after the very next meeting -- they REALLY want a month to nail me on something they can DF me for. I ask them to let the DA letter stand. I attend my last meeting -- the one at which my disassociation is announced and leave with a song in my heart (NOT a kingdom melody) and a great burden off my shoulders.
TOTAL TIME TO LEAVE: 11+ years.
outnfree
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unbeliever
If I had my way I would have stopped going at 12. I finally broke free for good when I was 16. I was fortunate. I know some who had to wait till they were 18. I think my mom just gave up because she was sick of fighting with me. I NEVER backed down and I finally broke her.
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minimus
Outnfree, All I can say is WOW!!!.....That was fascinating. This makes the thread a real keeper for me. Thank you for sharing.
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LittleToe
4 months
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barbar
First time I have posted.
It took me 20 years and still counting. DF was an easy way for me to stop attending, but mentally I am still suffering, although it gets easier every year. (Actually stopped attending 4 years ago).
I was disfellowshipped during a very bad time in my life. My wife had divorced me and kept the kids. When I was DF'd I then lost every friend I had for 30 years. My whole world caved in. That lack of love and concern for a person who was suffering really made me lose any confidence that JWs were right. Things turned out alright in the end, my kids now live with me.
I still think, what if they are right, sometimes. But you can't live as a JW just because you are not certain what is right or wrong anymore.
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Joyzabel
Welcome to the board, barbar.
May I suggest you read:
Crisis of Conscience Raymond Franz
In Search of Christian Freedomm Raymond Franz
The Gentile Times Reconsidered Carl Olof Jonnson
The Sign of the Last Day's - When? Carl Olor Jonnson
Apocalypse Delayed M. James Penton
There are plenty more, but those are on the top of my list. You can find them: www.commentarypress.com
Enjoy. You need to be free of " I still think, what if they are right, sometimes "
j2bf
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mizpah
Joy2bfree:
I have all of these books in my library. I'm sure they will remain the most valuable sources of information for all who leave or contemplate leaving the organization. It's worthy to note that all these authors were sincere and zealous Jehovah's Witnesses before being cast out. Sadly, the Watchtower never realized what treasures they were losing in these men.
It seems that the Watchtower has rejected its "brightest and best." But we can be very thankful that these same men were inspired to write books that have greatly helped so many of us get the proper perspective in a scholarly (Jonnson, Penton} and kind (Franz) manner.
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JT
STARTED in 1995 with the generation and by may of 1998 we DISAPPEARED
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Ravyn
I played the arrogant noble martyr pioneer after my parents broke up for about 8 years before I had personal doubts. I doubted for another 2 years, lived thru a scandal, a death, and a suicide; and it took one year to make the plans to physically leave after I stopped pioneering. This would have been from District Convention 1993- January 1997.
Ravyn