Growing up a gay Jehovah's Witness (My Life Story) (page 17)

SanFranciscoJim

Josh,

I discovered this thread buried several pages down. In that I have newly returned to this forum, I just wanted to add my two cents and let you know how appreciative I am of your courage to post your story.

I was not born into the organization, but was proselytized into it in 1974 (pre-Armageddon). I studied with an elder who told me that all I had to do was "stop being gay" for a few months, get baptized, and I was sure to survive Armageddon, where I would be "perfect" on the other side, and my sexuality wouldn't matter any more.

I am the webmaster of the A Common Bond California web site at: http://www.gayxjw.org/ - For what it's worth, in the past couple of years alone, I have personally been contacted by over 750 gay & lesbian JWs and exJWs worldwide. You are definitely not alone! In fact, this coming weekend, we are having our 5th annual international conference in New Orleans.

I would like to invite you over to the A Common Bond message board as well. It's at http://frost.bbboy.net/acommonbond - Make sure to check out the Contact Register as there are several posts from Australia. You may actually know someone! I put 2 guys in Sydney in touch with each other who hadn't heard from one another in many years.

Once again, thank you for your courage. I look forward to more posts from you.

Kind Regards.....JIM

suey

Hi, Josh

Read your story. I'm very sorry that that had to happen to you. I understand you were attracted to men and a very early age, and of course the sexual desire grew as you went through your teenage years. And It no doubt caused lots of guilt and physical pain (like your story says) to deal with it, knowing that it is a sin against God to be homosexual. What a battle indeed!! Do you do what you desire or do you do what God desires?? That is the question that we all face! For some like you, it's sexual desires (rather Homo or Hetero), physical desires, like over or undereating, taking drugs, using acholhol, smoking cigarettes, or it's personal desires like pursing a career. Whatever it is, it definatley goes against the grain. We struggle everyday to not feed our inner desires, but to pray and make constant supplication that God will see us through. The battle is the same. Adam and Eve choose to disobey God and do what they desired, look at the consequences!!!

I am a single mother (25 yrs. old) of a 5 yr old daughter. I have sexual desires also, and sometimes I do get lonley. But I try and overcome my storng desires but praying to Jehovah, and involving myself in Christian activities. It does help!! There are time when I'm at work and I become very attracted to one of my co-workers (Most of my co-worker are men) and I develop cruches and strong sexual desires for them, some have even asked me out and I tell you I,ve been so tempted to just do it. BUt I remember that I shouldn't date someone not in Jehovah's organiztion because of the consequences. When it comes right down to it, I really have nothing in common with them, but sexual attraction. How do I cope? Just like I said busy yourself in Jehovahs work and he will keep you safe from calamity. Remember his laws are a protection not a burden. I chose not to date, to serve Jehovah. You can choose not to date also, but you choose to go against his law of Homosexuality. That was your choice. You can't say that the JW organization is resposible, because every religion has that law because it CLEARLY states it the bible against it, and not just to exclude homosexuals, it also clearly states fornacation as equally sinful. But these laws are for our benefit. I hope you understand that Jehovah is a loving God. But the choice is yours to make, but don't blame God for your own choices!

Love,

SUEY

RAYZORBLADE

Sexuality is NOT a choice.

Suey, did you read the entire thread? or merely glance at it?

Monkey has poured his heart and soul out in this thread. He speaks from his experience.

Choose to be gay? How on earth? and why? good heavens, what a ridiculous notion.

Serving Jehovah, as some of us have, didn't cure anything. Lots of service, lots of prayer, many meetings, and good associations, didn't change anything.

Wonder why?

(awaits the predictable reply) yada-yada

Narkissos

Hello Suey,

Thanks for reviving this thread: since I am a Newbie too (welcome anyway!), without your reply I wouldn't have read Josh's very moving story (thank you Josh for sharing it, at such a cost!).

Suey, I'm quite ashamed to admit I could have said approximately what you wrote -- I mean 25 years ago, when I was still a "good JW"... You may realize later in life that, sometimes, it takes more courage (and faith, indeed) to follow on one's desires than to resist them. And that the "prohibiting God" is just a mask over our own fears.

m0nk3y

Suey, Suey, Suey .. where do I start .. wel first of all welcmoe to the forum .. hopefully your stay her will help to free you from the confines of such a nasty organisation .. reading your words reminded me alot of the things I used to put myself through. Honey muffins I don't think you understand .. if I even belived for a second that god will destroy me or anyone at an armageddon and I don't I would say this "Destroy me today because I will not live my life the way you want me to be .. I am happy that up until today I am living for who I am and not what you want of me, if you were any loving heavenly father you would know how my heart feels about this .. So destroy me .. I will not be your pawn."

monk3y

RAYZORBLADE

It behooves me to ask some people if it is better for someone to LIVE the lie; especially fundamentalists, even when they know that their so-called god, knows the heart of every individual?

Yup, marry away, live the lie, give an unsuspecting partner (male/female) who is hetero, a lifetime to 'change' their partner, you know: to sway the 'sinner'.

I have known, first hand, elders/ministerial servants who did just that. Did everything and anything to find acceptance, and inspiration from Jehovah.

It never happened.

But some would rather, gay/homosexual members of the congregation or faith, to do just that: marry to help 'straighten' out the individual.

Later on however, those individuals would be condemned for 'marrying' in the first place. Quite a vicious circle, if you ask me.

Oh well. As if this hasn't been discussed for the umpteenth time in the last month/summer/year.

SanFranciscoJim

I don't know how I missed Miss Suey's "love bashing" message above.

I think m0nk3y & Rayzorblade did an exceptional job responding to Miss Suey, so I won't make any additional comment, except this:

What would possess a 25 year old heterosexual female single mother to register on this board and respond only to a story about a gay man?

Methinks I detect the acrid scent of.........

Gretchen956

I just read your story today, Josh. As your lesbian sister, I applaud you for sharing your story so that others can understand how difficult it is to be born gay. I cannot imagine how anyone could worship a god that demands his followers deny who they are and live a life of suffering and shame. ANY religion that professes such a belief should raise red flags.

I'm sorry that you had to listen to such nonsense after baring your soul. I have to tell you that internal homophobia is very symptomatic of latent homosexuality. Or, put another way, methinks they protest too much.

As for people that condemn you for who you are, remember, that same bible they worship was used to condemn black people as the cursed race worthy of slavery, and that women were property of the husband and should not have any rights. (Oh yea, the JWs still practice that one). Martin Luther King's widow has said that gay rights is the next great civil rights movement. She and others from the original civil rights movement here in the United States have joined with open-minded religious leaders from other religions to form a group. I think its called Soulforce. So there is some movement within the christian religion in becoming more open to all.

Personally, I think that karma will take care of it all. And, the most intolerant and judgemental will have their own judgement to worry about and not our own when that day comes.

So blessings Josh.

Gretchen

Tatiana

SanFranciscoJim..thanks for reviving this. I've only been back for a while, and read some of Josh's posts, but had no idea what he'd been through.

Josh, I'm so glad you didn't delete your story. You are truly a strong person. I applaud you for surviving. We're fortunate to have you here.

Whovever this suey is....

But, I think you're right, SFJim...TROLL.......or maybe she wandered into the wrong neighborhood!

hippikon

Monkey - You have a PM

Growing up a gay Jehovah's Witness (My Life Story)

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