First, please disregard BlackSpirit. This person has come here with full blinders on, blinded by Satan and it's very sad. Perhaps in time something here will sink in and he/she will start to wake up to the realities of what was done to him/her. One can only hope.
Second, you have every right to be an emotional wreck. Those emotions are telling you something. They aren't for nothing but it is your body's way of telling you that something is wrong. It is. You sir have been the victim of conditional love, a weak love that is demonstrated by the cult that you've been in for so long. Love that can only bear up if people completely conform to one life set forth by uninspired men lest someone be shunned is not true love.
You are in a place right now where you are realizing that what you've believed in your whole life isn't what it proclaimed to be. It is falling short, and you're feeling that. Most of us here didn't go looking for something else. Many here started seeing things through events like yours that led to us waking up to the truth about "the truth". Once you wake up you can't go to sleep again.
It's painful to wake up one day and realize that everything you believed in had such ugly underpinnings. Then you start reading, start learning, and start looking with open eyes to the realities of the doctrines and it's tough to lose that faith. Then you apply the same rational thinking to things like the Bible itself and soon everything falls apart.
Everything in it's own due time though. And maybe your faith in the Bible survives. If it does, we can all still be friends. That's real love, not this weak conformist love. We don't have to agree. Even BlackSpirit deserves a measure of love. Nobody wants to see someone devote their entire life to lies. That's a sad existence.
So listen to what your intuition is telling you and start researching. JWFacts.com is a great place that uses Watchtower's own literature. The podcast This JW Life is my story of going through life as one of Jehovah's Witnesses and can help you take an honest look at things. Watch things like the John Cedars channel on youtube and start "making sure of the more important things" and testing these things you've been taught. Don't just believe something because you need it emotionally, or because it's convenient. You wouldn't buy something on Amazon just because it's there, you'd read reviews and check it out objectively. You've likely never done that with the teachings that you grew up with.
We are here for you. We are genuine caring people that aren't concerned about where you end up so long as it is well thought out and authentic for YOU. If that's to stay in the JWs, and you've really researched it with an honest and open mind without dismissing your feelings just because it's easier to shove them back down and soldier on, then good for you. Unlike Jehovah's Witnesses, we can be here for you either way if you're willing to have open discussions. We don't care what you've done or who you are. Come here with an open mind and see where you end up. Don't try to control it, go where your research takes you and keep searching for truth rather than being intellectually lazy and just assuming that you have it because someone told you it was true.