Disfellowshiped- reinstated- damaged
First, please disregard BlackSpirit. This person has come here with full blinders on, blinded by Satan and it's very sad. Perhaps in time something here will sink in and he/she will start to wake up to the realities of what was done to him/her. One can only hope.
Second, you have every right to be an emotional wreck. Those emotions are telling you something. They aren't for nothing but it is your body's way of telling you that something is wrong. It is. You sir have been the victim of conditional love, a weak love that is demonstrated by the cult that you've been in for so long. Love that can only bear up if people completely conform to one life set forth by uninspired men lest someone be shunned is not true love.
You are in a place right now where you are realizing that what you've believed in your whole life isn't what it proclaimed to be. It is falling short, and you're feeling that. Most of us here didn't go looking for something else. Many here started seeing things through events like yours that led to us waking up to the truth about "the truth". Once you wake up you can't go to sleep again.
It's painful to wake up one day and realize that everything you believed in had such ugly underpinnings. Then you start reading, start learning, and start looking with open eyes to the realities of the doctrines and it's tough to lose that faith. Then you apply the same rational thinking to things like the Bible itself and soon everything falls apart.
Everything in it's own due time though. And maybe your faith in the Bible survives. If it does, we can all still be friends. That's real love, not this weak conformist love. We don't have to agree. Even BlackSpirit deserves a measure of love. Nobody wants to see someone devote their entire life to lies. That's a sad existence.
So listen to what your intuition is telling you and start researching. JWFacts.com is a great place that uses Watchtower's own literature. The podcast This JW Life is my story of going through life as one of Jehovah's Witnesses and can help you take an honest look at things. Watch things like the John Cedars channel on youtube and start "making sure of the more important things" and testing these things you've been taught. Don't just believe something because you need it emotionally, or because it's convenient. You wouldn't buy something on Amazon just because it's there, you'd read reviews and check it out objectively. You've likely never done that with the teachings that you grew up with.
We are here for you. We are genuine caring people that aren't concerned about where you end up so long as it is well thought out and authentic for YOU. If that's to stay in the JWs, and you've really researched it with an honest and open mind without dismissing your feelings just because it's easier to shove them back down and soldier on, then good for you. Unlike Jehovah's Witnesses, we can be here for you either way if you're willing to have open discussions. We don't care what you've done or who you are. Come here with an open mind and see where you end up. Don't try to control it, go where your research takes you and keep searching for truth rather than being intellectually lazy and just assuming that you have it because someone told you it was true.
It’s a tough slow process and one of the best ways to deal with is make friends out side the cult and in time you can spend more time with them and very little with cult family.
Damaged I am so sorry for what you have been through. You sound like a normal young man who has done things he's not proud of like all of us. Those men have no right to judge you scripturally or morally. If you made your peace with your God no one can tell you otherwise or separate you from your family.
You ate hurting because they showed you conditional love, whereas a family's love should be unconditional.
You are also suffering with something called cognitive dissonance. This is one we hold two ideas in our head at the same time which conflict with each other.
You believe as a Jehovahs witness, yet you know, and have experienced, that their policy of judicial committees and subsequent shunning by family and friends is cruel, unfair and very likely unscriptural.
Please. I urge you to check out jwfacts.com, and then come back and talk to us. It is a site that only uses Watchtower own literature. If watchtower has the truth, they have nothing to fear from you honestly examining your faith.
Welcome to JWD. We understand the trauma you've experienced.
It is cruel, inhumane and unscriptural.
I'm so sorry for your pain.
Stick around. You are not alone and there is much support and insight to be found here in older posts and from current posters.
AudeSapere (meaning: Dare to Know; Dare to Have Wisdom/Understanding; Dare to Think for Yourself)
@ - Damaged - Try to stay as far away from the WTBS as you can. All the "misery" that has been wrongly pushed upon you, is solely from that hurtful organization. They are teachings of judgemental men, and have even caused you to "hurt" yourself by the guilt and pressure YOU put upon yourself.
You have done nothing WRONG. All the examples you state about dating girls, or exploring your sexuality, is NORMAL. Once you take the blinders off that the WTBS put upon you, you will truly see all. You will realize that the DFing and power over you, by these MEN, is only there because YOU have given them this power over you.
They are NOT your judge. These Elders are NOT your keepers. Only God, or Jesus can judge YOU. No power or authority has been given them, except that which they have appointed upon themselves. The Organization is NOT a loving, or happy place. Instead it is a cold, heartless place, full of judgement, and hurt, full of hypocrisy, and teachings of men.
Ask yourself, have you EVER TRULY been HAPPY in the WTBS.? Have you TRULY been FULLY content, and felt WHOLE as a human, in the WTBS? I think YOU know the answer.
Dont listen to this poster Black spirit. He wants to direct you towards MORE MISERY. His way will destroy the love you are seeking, and further enslave you to the false teachings of MEN. If he wants to slave for an organization that is run by 8 MEN, then thats HIS right, but for him to hear your story and the trauma and hurt you have been through, and his answer is to go back for MORE of the same, then he did not truly hear your words. His is the way of more hurt, but under the guise of "love". Like Satan is said to be an Angel of light, so is the WTBS organization.
You know REALLY what the organization is about, though, dont you. Its about MEN making rules, MEN judging thru unscriptural JCs, MEN twisting your words, MEN not hearing your heartfelt pleads, MEN claiming they have power and authority over you. That IS this evil organization, and only YOU can free yourself from it. You will see and learn TRUE happiness, once you remove the yoke they have put upon you, and never allow them to have that power over you again.
I wish you the best, heres to freedom.
Welcome to the forum. You certainly have been, and are, going through a torrid time.
Excellent advice has been given and use from it what will be most beneficial to your situation.
Just remember that the folk on this forum will always be here to offer support and guidance, and will listen when you feel the need to vent your frustration(s).
Damaged, Black Spirit doesn't even know who we are to be witnesses of. He ignores Acts 1 v 8 as does his Governing Body who he gives "obeisance" to.
You will find much love and support here from genuine people. People who don't cover over child abuse and spout false predictions to retain control, luxury apartments, power and money and a very comfy lifestyle on the backs of others.
Jesus had "nowhere to lay his head" and preached from fishing boats and hillsides - the GB can lay their heads in the nicest apartments in apartments in printing and video production factories throughout the globe and "preach" from comfy chairs in plush offices.
You have certainly been put through the ringer. and you have made some less than wise choices... hey who hasnt! and you are flailing in the wake of them. You are doing the classic jw thing that is beating yourself black and blue over what cant be changed. But, yes there comes the..'but.. "Time heals what reason cannot"-- seneca
I take it you are quite young and are at the beck n call of everyone who wants to live their life (read power) through your existence. If you are at school or college find a counselor there to run this mess past. They may refer you on to a further counselor but you need to see one who is experienced in 'sects'.
drop me a pm anytime if you wish.
Live long and prosper..
BlackSpirit: You were warned that we didn't want your preaching here and yet you see someone in need as an opportunity to promote your psycho god and the abusive organization one of his previous sycophants founded. I've removed all your crap.