Disfellowshiped- reinstated- damaged

by Damaged 24 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Damaged

    Don’t know how I ended up here but no one who understands will listen, or any one who will listen doesn’t understand.

    I grew up in the “truth”, I was baptised at 17 as it was encouraged by the elders. I really didn’t understand what I was getting Into.

    12months later I landed on my first JC, id been on a lads holiday which had landed us in a heap of trouble. ( background to this which they wouldn’t listen too is that during this holiday myself and my friend were going through a tough time my Ex girlfriend who was in the “world” I’d had to leave to be baptised called me as she was in hospital due to domestic violence from her current BF. I was miles away and my friend had just learnt that a young sister in the congestion had fallen pregnant to him.

    So we got drunk and ended up at a brothel you might have gathered we weren’t very upstanding, I think we were young and stupid.

    Anyway we went to a couple of new young elders and told them everything which they wrote down and gave to every elder in the congregation.

    I got off with a public reproof, only to have an elder tell a load of brothers on a fishing trip about it.

    To cut a long story short this lead to a relationship break down a few years later with a sister once she found out I’d been with a prostitute. Seems unless your a virgin your damaged goods.

    i fell into a real low point most of my fiends got disfellowshiped At a simlair time and having shunned “worldly association” I was on my own.

    I got Involved with a girl from college and we did some naughty “heavy petting” I really wanted to straighten my self out so again I sought help from the older men.

    They humiliated me and then publicly reproved me and offered no help. I asked for a private reproof as no one knew about it and coming from a large family I didn’t want it to affect them also my grandmother had days to live after fighting cancer for a few years. She died a week after the announcement. Whilst she was very ill it didn’t seem fair to give her that news on her death bed.

    After a couple of years I got over my mistreatment having not been given any help at all and I was doing really well, I made a few slip ups and my friend from the previous story got reinstated.

    He then started sleeping with a M/S wife and I found out. I don’t agree with cheating but I was scared of us all getting kicked out. So I said nothing although I tried everything to get them caught.

    I couldn’t say to much as I’d stayed in a hotel with them with another girl.

    Once the elders found out her husbands dD Hushed it all up as he didn’t want a scandal

    I stopped associating with them and put a lot of hard work into making matters right

    i didn’t go forward as id lost faith in the judicial system.

    I then threw and congregation party at great personal expense meeting the most wonderful girl

    3months later we were courting and I couldn’t be happier

    2weeks later I was on my third judical as my “friend” had confessed, the wife turn sour and shopped me in for my one night hotel stand.

    My JC was made up of the husbands family surprising I was blamed for not saying anything and DF.

    I appealed to yet three more of his relations and wasn’t successful. No surprises nepotism seems the order.

    Although i sounds like a bad person most of my friends sinned much more yet having parents as elders always got away with private reproofs.

    My girlfriend stuck with me during been DF and we have spent 10months of secretly meeting which has emotionally drained us, living in a small village it has been like living as a Jew under Hitler.

    My old congregation has been liquidated due to the elders hurting so many people with JC

    my new congregation reinstated me in 3 Months

    im now “back” and I’ve lost my head.

    how do I start to rebuild my life? My family one day cut me out of my life on the say so of a old man, my friends shunned me. That day everyone died I’ve spent 10months mourning them.

    I don’t get how I’m supposed to be happy that suddenly it’s ok for people to talk to me again when they weren’t there through the hardest thing I’ve been through.

    im sorry this is a long first post i Just hope somone has been through this and has managed to rebuild there life

    im just a emotional wreck 😞

  • cofty

    Hi Damaged, welcome to the forum.

    First thing to say is that you messed up choosing a username because one day soon all the JW drama will be history, you will be building a new cult-free life with your girlfriend and hopefully still posting here helping other new ones and wishing you had called yourself something more positive.

    Bottom line is there is no way to be happy in an oppressive religion - apart from the fact that everything it teaches just isn't true, but that's for later.

    To get to the point you should start planning an escape with your girlfriend from the religion - and possibly from the village. How you do that is for you to figure out. Stop giving them power over your life. Think about important stuff like education, career and things that make you happy.

    Good luck

  • ToesUp

    Welcome Damaged.

    How do you start re building your life? First off, stay away from WT. They are the last source you need to rely on.

    You have had a lot going on in your life. Like cofty said, what makes YOU happy? Is it education, your career, traveling? Do the things that you enjoy. Make good financial and life decisions.

    I think every time you made a choice in life that you were taught was wrong, you went running to the Elders. This is what we are taught to do. We had a friend that went to the Elders with some confessions. He thought that the Elders were going to help him (you know..."grease your head with oil"). Instead, he got DF'd . How the hell is shunning someone going to help that person?

    I guess the best advise is find what makes you happy in life and go for it.

    We were always taught that if you leave Jehovah (aka, the organization), you will be miserable. We have been out for over 5 years. BEST DECISION WE EVER MADE!! So happy without the hypocritical, judgmental and arrogant JW's.

    Keep us posted on your progress.

  • jp1692

    Welcome, damaged.

    We will listen AND we understand. Many here have been similarly hurt by our experiences in this religion.

    We were damaged, but not irreparably. You can heal, but to do so you must leave this religion.

    Cofty and ToesUp both had some good advice. Heed it.


  • sparrowdown

    You have discovered what most of us here have discovered ie JWs are a cold, heartless religion and their disfellowshipping process is nonsensical. Sometimes I think it's only their nastiness that keeps them going as a group.

    And yes in their eyes you will always be "marked" in some way no matter how hard you try so don't bother trying you will only hurt yourself more by trying to jump through their imaginary hoops because there will always be more hoops with these people.

    Try to to do some research on your own and take care of yourself.

    You don't need their permission to live nor their approval to be happy.

  • scratchme1010
    how do I start to rebuild my life? My family one day cut me out of my life on the say so of a old man, my friends shunned me. That day everyone died I’ve spent 10months mourning them.

    Hello. I think that you just started. Please expect a PM from me.

  • humbled

    If god is love then love is god.

    You know that love is not alive in the Organization. It separates its members from one another and by the mechanization of its corrupt teaching separates you from a spiritual connection with love.

    Religion by committee is a perversion —even of the Bible.

    Do you want love in your life? Do not go to the destructive world of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

    black spirit- to even speak of love to apostates on this forum you had to become an apostate yourself. You know that you have flouted the explicit teachings of the GB to come here.

    So you are advising this fellow who found no help no love in the religion to return? You are twisted. You are proving how heartless the religion really is. You have to break their rules to be a decent person in that sick world.

  • humbled

    I live by those teachings yet.

    The GB does not

    you made your First Post staunchly supporting the GB as Jehovah’s mouthpiece.

    You never responded to my post then that charges the GB with corrupting the faith of Jesus’ followers by requiring that the “Anointed” must obey the GB as ruler rather than God.

    edit: You don’t know any individuals here unless you’ve been lurking( again-a prohibited activity). I have acknowledged often that Jesus’ teachings saved my life. The love l heard in the gospels ultimately helped me leave a place that warred againsts the generosity you highlight above.

  • humbled

    I would be clear on this- l do not have to answer you on loyalty or a litmus test on doctrine. I am as free as you are to select what l do and do not value in the Bible. If you choose to break with the GB —fine. But clearly you are pointing this young man toward the prison you allow yourself to freely leave.

    You tell Damaged to read the scriptures as though the Organization considers the scriptures have the power to heal without their imprimatur on every verse. The GB do not even like JWs to meet and study without oversight. They regulate love of God’s word with the same overreach as they do the physical love between couples. I have read the introductions to old Catholic bibles that warned of the danger that personal reading presents. They are honest about it. The Watchtower is more overbearing and yet pretend to liberate people from a clergy class who tells you ( they sneer)what the Bible says.

    You are at odds with the explicit teaching of the organization whose teachings you are claiming to uphold. Good for you. Acknowledge it.

  • humbled

    No more.

    You don’t respond to my posts, my questions.They are based on precisely the beliefs JWs hold regarding the Faithful Slave, the Anointed, having love of others who suffer, freedom to “follow the Lamb”, etc.

    You are indulging yourself in behavior that is outlawed by your religion, your GB. The one you preach to me. As l said before—good for you. But if you are too fearful or too dishonest to acknowledge that point then l am not interested in responding to you.

    The troubled kid has been more honest than you are at this point.

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