Help Elders poking nose in

by Formerbrother 51 Replies latest jw friends

  • just fine
    just fine

    I was will confirm the private and personal line works. My father was previously an elder and he is the one who put me on to that phrase when I was still in.

    Whenever anyone tried to stick their nose in my business this was the nice way of saying mind your own business.

    If they push it shake your head, smile, then say “I’m sorry but this is a private matter not open for discussion”. And walk away, hang up the phone or close the door.

  • bennyk

    (Old post - 18.09.2009)

    "Concerned" Elders once stopped by to berate my wife regarding the clinical depression with which she was suffering. I escorted them to the door.

    Several months later, the PO interrupted a conversation I was having with one of the congregation members and asked when my wife and I would appreciate another shepherding call. I told him: "We won't be having one." He shuffled his feet and stated that he and another Elder wished to have a shepherding call with us. I told him: "Yes, I understood you. We'll not be having a 'shepherding call.'" To this he reponded that "the Society says we have to do this to encourage you..." After a considerable pause, I replied: "Exactly. 'To encourage us.' And that's why we won't be having one." He wandered away...

    No "fallout." I denounced the PO and his sidekick when the CO made his next appearance. They never asked again.

  • Magnum

    Dang, I guess I'm just fed up with JWdom. I just don't believe in giving them even the slightest impression that they have any kind of power/control over you whatsoever or that you answer to them in any way.

    I would just give them a brief, firm "no" and walk away as if they don't even matter to you. Leave them in the dust. They only have the power over you that give/allow them. You (we) do not have to cower to them or answer to them or in any way add to their delusion that they're in a high place and we're in a low place in need of them to lift us out with their strong arms.

    Over the last year or two, they've stopped by my place when I wasn't home and left tracts and notes in my door. A CO that I don't know came one time. I can imagine that they think if they catch me they're going to find somebody who's kind of like "Oh, hey brothers, I'm so glad you stopped by. Yeah, I need to get back to the meetings" [in a lowly tone with my head hanging low]. Believe me, it ain't gonna be like that.

  • ToesUp

    "Exactly. 'To encourage us.' And that's why we won't be having one."

    That's great! I love it!! What really excites me is that people are coming on these sites and getting advise on how to handle these asshats. Everyone is giving this cult and it's "gifts in men" (barf) the ole middle finger. lol

  • JW GoneBad
    JW GoneBad

    This is a very timely and useful thread:

    "Help...Elders Poking Nose In"

    I've had similar encounters over the past months with local dummy-wanna-be JW Shepherds. A simple and firm...'Thank you, but no thank you..I/we're dealing with a very private and personal matter and are doing well'...has been working great...for now!

    However, I do indeed anticipate having to get even more assertive as they see the need to intrude more into reasons for my disinterest and inactivity in congregation matters. That's when the real fun begins! :-) :-) So I'm preparing accordingly.

  • Lost in the fog
    Lost in the fog

    About 3 years ago we had a CO and an elder turn up unexpectedly on our doorstep. "We just thought we'd give you a shepherding call when we are in the area," said the elder.

    So I said directly to the CO that I understood shepherding calls had to be scheduled with the individuals in advance. He agreed. I said so why hadn't they done it. Still, said the elder, since they were here maybe they could just step inside anyway.

    To that I said no. It didn't suit as we were busy. But I hoped they'd have more success on their next call. After looking one to the other, they turned away and left.

    That is the last time a CO plus elder has come back to our house, even when we see through the window that they are visiting other JWs who live very close by us.

  • LongHairGal

    BENNY K:

    I know what you mean about their shepherding calls. I decided back when I was “in” that I didn’t want any shepherding calls. I didn’t want them to come near me. I decided this after how awful I felt after previous shepherding calls.

    Stupid elders with biases against me and no real knowledge about what I had to deal with as a single working woman had no business even opening their ignorant mouths to talk!

    While my situation wasn’t the same as yours I understand you have no desire to talk to them about your business.

  • sparrowdown

    It's called the "smiling no". Just smile and say "no thanks, maybe another time."

    They give up asking after a while.

  • Splash

    The power to refuse them is within you but you need to own it.

    As JWs we were indoctrinated that saying No to an elder was wrong. Lose that idea. You're an adult, assert yourself and you'll feel amazing and empowered.

  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once

    Someone once told me, you can't be chased if you don't run. Just say no thanks. Done.

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