Help Elders poking nose in (page 2)

dozy

I had a couple of chats with the elders after I faded , but in hindsight it probably wasn't a good idea. At the second meeeting , the tone changed quite dramatically and the questions started to get quite probing ( the usual "do you believe this is Jehovah's Org" , "where did you learn all this information - from the internet?" kind of stuff ) and it began to morph from a friendly "we are here to help you" chat to an investigation to see if they could glean enough information to start a judicial committee.

In a hopefully friendly but assertive way I terminated the second meeting to say that I had discussed enough and felt that the conversation wasn't really productive for either of us - don't call me , I'll call you. I never heard from them again.

Frankly , most elders are busy with more pressing congregation problems and the mundane elders life of doing all the Societies chores - meeting items , ministry arrangements etc etc. I would just stall them - health issues , work , away for vacation, any excuse really , and they will eventually go away.

moreconfusedthanever

Get an answering machine and screen your calls. Just don't talk to them at all.

ToesUp

This is what has worked well for us. Tell them that you are doing fine and if you need their assistance YOU have their contact info and will get in touch with them. In other words, don't call us, we'll call you. You may have to do this several times and even get firm with them. Keep repeating this. It is kind of like a cat and dead mouse game. If the cat has nothing to toy with, eventually it will loose interest.

Don't answer their texts, phone calls or the door. They will get the point eventually. As soon as you start talking, they WILL come after you. Slow, steady and quiet is the key. If you decide one day that you want to spill all and don't care about the end result, go for it and let em have it. lol

dubstepped

Once the elders started that crap we disassociated. Never heard from any of them again. No more playing their games. I realize that may not be an option for you. Well, it's always an option, but it may not be a choice that you're willing to make right now.

The Fall Guy

Formerbrother, in order to kill the elders inquisition attempts, and to keep yourself safe with as little backlash as possible, put on a humble and submissive tone of voice the next time the Pharisees call you, as you say this to them - "Brothers I really appreciate the concern you have for me and my family, but at the moment, as spiritual head of my household, I have to deal with private & personal concerns which can't be discussed with others - not even elders. If things change, I know that I can come to you. Thanks again for your concern."

This works! If they ignore you and try to push, simply repeat, "private & personal" and end the conversation.

They'll discern very quickly that they've hit a brick wall! Best wishes.

Not_Culty

Confide in them that you need a 10K loan or gift. They will never call back.

Onager

@Drearyweather: I know that sad. But you gave them the authority to poke their nose in when you got baptized.

Maybe, but you can revoke that authority any time you like.

ToesUp

I agree with the fall guy comments. In addition...tell them you would need some financial help! This may keep them from contacting you again.

Mr. toes

ToesUp

Dozy

" it began to morph from a friendly "we are here to help you" chat to an investigation to see if they could glean enough information to start a judicial committee."

Oh wow!!! This is EXACTLY what happened to us. All friendly and concerned until the wolves in sheeps clothing come out. It's amazing how you see these "loving shepherds" morph into ravenous wolves. It's incredible to see it with your own eyes.

Mrs. Toes

carla

I like Fallguy's response, " "Brothers I really appreciate the concern you have for me and my family, but at the moment, as spiritual head of my household, I have to deal with private & personal concerns which can't be discussed with others - not even elders. If things change, I know that I can come to you. Thanks again for your concern."

This works! If they ignore you and try to push, simply repeat, "private & personal" and end the conversation." -

Just keep repeating the same thing over and over if necessary, do not deviate in any way from your prepared script. Do not reply to any questions, just keep repeating yourself. If you answer one question that will lead to others. If they have half a brain they will figure out they can't get anywhere with you at the moment but it does not mean they won't be back at some far future date.

Help Elders poking nose in

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