Should I do this?

by CivilServant79 35 Replies latest jw experiences

  • CivilServant79

    Hi there this is my first post as I’m not sure what to do.

    my family (both sides) are well known in our circuit and very dedicated to the truth. But we’re relatively normal people and I love them all so much.

    My parents were alcoholics so both were DFd and then my dad died. My mum came back but has since faded. As a result my younger sister and brother didn’t have the same experiences as me so didn’t stick with it and didn’t and won’t get baptised.

    When I was being raised my parents were doing well so I always took to the religion.

    I got baptized when I was 17 - 5 years ago. I left school and worked with my family business but over time I’ve decided I don’t believe in God and have made changes to start fading. I got a new job, moved to a new town etc. And have stopped associating and going to meetings.

    Only some people know I want to leave. Some people think I’m just depressed and that’s why I’m not going

    The elders are wanting to meet up. I said I couldn’t. My uncles is the coordinator. And he’s offered to meet up just me and him for a coffee.

    Shoukd i do this?

    do I tell him I don’t believe ?

    or or do I say I’m depressed (which I am but not the reason I’m not going)

    I’m not leading an immoral life at this point.

  • fastJehu

    Will your uncle meet with you as "uncle" and speak about personal things?

    Will your uncle meet with you as "JW elder" and speak about Jehovah and is every spoken word a secret between you and him? Or will he inform afterward the body of elders?

    You know, he can't be only "uncle". Play the depressed-card.

  • Olig

    I agree with fastJehu.

    My uncle who is also a fader, told me the best way to go about it for me was to play the "I have lots of personal issues" card. and to iterate that I don't want to talk about them with anyone other than my grandfather who is an elder or my mum or dad who used to be an elder. May be of help if you get approached by other elders.

    Hope you can figure something out


  • Olig

    At least then you'll have plausible deniability. Feel like Walter White saying that....

  • moreconfusedthanever

    If I were you I would keep my actual thoughts and feelings to myself and only say what any JW will be able to handle. Even if they are family, their allegiance is to their religion and it's rules. The only way to fade successfully is to say nothing.

  • millie210

    First let me say you are going to be fine.

    I was SO scared when I was first starting out and this site was a great place for that so Im glad youre here and posting with us!

    I remember some great advice here once was NEVER speak against the Organization. Even if you say you are weak and doubting God (or his existence) they wont disfellowhip you, based on the Bibles saying to "speak consolingly to the depressed souls" (1 Thess. 5:14)

    But ANY criticism of the elders or the literature or the Organization is in its own category and puts you under watch as a possible apostate.

    So unless you relish that whole scene just sidestep it.

    Also, even if you are very beloved to your Uncle, he must put your "eternal well being" (which really means the Organizations standards) ahead of any familial feelings. Keep that in mind always in your interactions. Be shrewd not sentimental that way.

    And welcome to the forum!

  • CivilServant79

    Hey guys thanks so much for your advice. I see what you mean. Glad to have joined the forum.

    It’s hard not being able to express how I really feel.

    I wont criticise the org but should I say I just genuinely don’t believe in a god?

    thanks again guys

  • eyeuse2badub

    Hi Civil.....

    my family (both sides) are well known in our circuit and very dedicated to the truth

    Is your family dedicated to 'the truth' or are they just dedicated to the watchtower organization?

    just saying!

  • tiki

    Welcome...and just remember that the "higher ups" in the religion are not superior to you in reality. They have no power or responsibility for decisions you make. Their only power over you is what you allow them to have. If you prefer not to be part of the religion, that is your business...not theirs. Even so with family.

    I find it rather pathetic that when someone opts out they love to pull out the depression excuse. If someone is truly clinically depressed they need professional guidance. The diagnosis is way too heavily and erroneously bandied about.

    Further...your lifestyle..whether considered moral or immoral is no ones business but yours. You alone are responsible for the consequences of your actions..positive and/or negative.

  • wannabefree

    When I was going through my obvious change in participation and meeting attendance, an older elder friend asked if he could meet with me, just the two of us.

    We met for coffee at a local restaurant, I figured a public setting was much better.

    In my case, I already knew that I would have to be cautious in the way I said things as I had already had private conversations with a couple of elder friends and had been given advice here on this site.

    I guess you could say I've successfully faded, although I'm not living anything in secret in my opposition to my former faith and my wife still is a believer.

    It seems that the longer you go without making a scene, once you've gone long enough for the elders to stop trying to shepherd you in some way, they just let you go as long as you aren't an obvious threat to others. At least that's how it's been for me.

    JW's have an art of double speak and misdirection. Use that when talking to an elder. Don't say things in a way they can be taken as a direct statement.

    Talk in a way like you have questions about something, but don't commit to an answer. I made a comment about not understanding something about the faithful slave and gave details, the elder then asked if I believed it was God's organization ... I only reaffirmed that I just didn't understand this point for whatever reasons.

    Unless you are sure because this elder confides in you that he is with you, treat him as any other JW elder. His goal is to bring you back, but if you show yourself to be a threat, judicial action is a very likely outcome.

    Welcome and best wishes.

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