Should I do this?

by CivilServant79 35 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Incognigo Montoya
    Incognigo Montoya

    You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say, can and will, be used against you in a Judicial committee....

    Even if there ends up being no jc it will be used against you by any and all witnesses you come in contact with, thereafter.

  • john.prestor

    I get it, he's your uncle and you want to trust the guy. And I'm not saying you shouldn't trust him. But if he's an elder and the elders want to meet up he's acting on their behalf unless you know otherwise. I wouldn't do it, but I get why you might.

    If you choose to I would do what some other posters suggested: don't be direct with your criticisms, come across as weak, confused, that kind of thing, or even just play the I'm busy I'm depressed card. Do you know about the 'loyalty question'? One of the other posters mentioned it. If he asks you, Do you believe that Jehovah is using the faithful slave to lead this organization, or something like that, he's giving you enough rope to hang yourself by seeing if you'll out yourself as an apostate. Don't answer honestly.

    The other thing to keep in mind is that with the two witness rule I think if you tell your uncle you don't believe in God, and then you tell somebody else that and both come forward a Judicial committee has the two witnesses they need to disfellowship you. Can any posters confirm that?

  • FadeToBlack

    Just thank him for the offer and tell him you will call him when the time is right.

  • The Fall Guy
    The Fall Guy

    Say nothing incriminating to anyone, especially your uncle. One witness can secretly record anything you divulge and then the Judicial Committee can get you.

    Try the following if the wolves come looking for you:

    "Thank you for your concerns brothers, but there's nothing private & personal which I wish to discuss with anyone at the moment, but I appreciate your motives and concern. If things change, I will definitely call you."

    Conversation Stoppers:

    1) "We only want to come and give you encouragement." = Simply repeat the response above!

    2) "But how can we help you if you won't talk to us?" = "Everyone has private & personal issues which they can't discuss with others as I'm sure even elders do - I'm no different!"

    3) Are you refusing to talk with us? = "No, I just don't want to discuss things right now. But it's good to know that I can call you if things change."

    If they persist with their interrogation, just say 'thanks', and walk away - immediately! Do not prolong their interrogation. They can't punish you for ending a conversation!

    Repeat any/all of the above to anyone who tries to extract information from you, because the Elders will get someone you trust to try and get the information out of you!

  • KimD

    I slowly faded. At first I kept getting calls to meet. Eventually they left me alone. As one of the posters said...tell your uncle that you will let him know when you are ready to talk but the time is not now. Hang in there. Free yourself and enjoy life. Take care. My uncle is an elder...I left years ago and only see him occasionally...he never ask me question any more...but I know that he still loves me and I love him too.

  • Giordano

    First Off Civilservant79,,,,,,,,, Welcome to this forum!!

    Finally some good news... "As a result my younger sister and brother didn’t have the same experiences as me so didn’t stick with it and didn’t and won’t get baptized."

    That's excellent news and also for your Mom being out. It's a lot easier to make new friends then find a new brother and sister and Mom.

    The one thing you need to understand is that Elder's are more then willing to pretend or outright lie to a non JW or one who is in the process of exiting. It's called 'Theocratic Warfare' and basically, according to the Watchtower it's all right to misdirect or lie to someone who is not a believer or who is leaving the JW life as you are with the purpose of getting them to say something they can use against you.

    If he asks about your commitment to the organization you can say 'I am in a relation through my daily prayers with Jehovah and his son and it's been a big comfort to me. If I need an Elder to help me out I'll call you first.

    So any approach to get you to answer a question that could in their eyes incriminate you needs to be shut down immediately. You can be a bit blunt as in........

    "That's a strange question to ask me Uncle........ I never paid any attention to that aspect of our religion."

    If he comes back with a follow up it's time to close it down it's become a witch hunt not a visit.

    "Unfortunately I thought I was going to be having lunch with my uncle not an official of the WT. I need to leave now." Whatever direct question you are asked use that exception plus just getting up and walking away.

    If anyone else contacts you for a visit......... pass it up for now.

    Did you see the movie The Godfather or any gangster movie where one side wanted to put out a hit on someone? When they could........... they recruited that victim's close friend or a cooperating family member to set them up. I know this is a bit of a stretch but it's a good way to remember to be on your guard if a 'friend' wants to meet with you.

    Also password your phone, computer, Facebook account etc. Tear up your blood card.

    Once again....... Welcome!

  • Crazyguy2

    If you baptized then tread carefully be vague don’t say anything that could incriminate you and just nod and go along. Then after he leaves go back to your regular life and be with your family that left. The elders will only try a little to get you back and then will stop trying.

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    hello C/S 79...welcome to the forum. i was about our age when i made the same decision. that was a long time ago..


    "my family (both sides) are well known in our circuit and very dedicated to the truth. "

    nope--it aint the truth. its merely a high control scam masquerading as a religion.

    if any one man elder wants to visit--and starts asking nosey questions--just say you had a very bad experience as a child with an elder--but you cant do anything about it because of the " 2 witness " wont see him again--for dust.

    unsure about the 2 witness rule ? plenty of info on here.

  • Xanthippe

    Can you be sure if you agree to meet up with your uncle for coffee there won't be another elder there? What do you do if you arrive and he says oh I invited (other elder) along, you don't mind do you? Then you're stuck not wanting to appear rude, offend a family member but faced with a pre-judicial 'fishing' meeting.

  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas


    As Incognigo Montoya said, "You have the right to remain silent."

    Once you open your mouth you betray yourself.

    Here's some crazy advice. You are young and you CAN do this, but it won't be easy. How tough are you?

    You need to put geographical distance between yourself and your family and circle of former friends; you need to split!

    That's what I did in the mid-late-1970s. I took a job on the opposite side of the country. It made fading SO MUCH easier, because no one in my new area knew - or cared - who I was. But maybe you think you don't have a job prospect. But you might...

    You could move across the country to an area that you like that has a large military base and you can enlist in the military! If you're really smart you can try to get into a high-tech military field, if you are good with tools you can get into a maintenance job, if none of those turn you on you can become a cook.

    The military will provide you with food, housing, clothing, education, exercise, etc, etc, etc. You just have to have an adult attitude about fulfilling your commitment.

    People sometimes jump when I suggest this. They think they are going to have to become Rambo or a Dark Operator in a jungle somewhere. Some guys will, but YOU don't have to, unless you WANT to! You could see about getting into the Space Force. After your service you will have continuing benefits...

    Give it a thought... you can DISAPPEAR and live happily ever after!

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