Shunned? You are better off....

by DJ 33 Replies latest jw experiences

  • LyinEyes

    I am not a patient person,,,,,,,,,at all, I want them all ( JW's) to see in my lifetime, so I can see proven wrong. Maybe if there is a life after death, I hope there is,,,,,,,,, when we are all in Heaven, we can finally be told by the ones who treated us so bad, that they were wrong about it all. I don't know , I dont think I care about alof of what other JW's think , even in the afterlife, when the way they think things were going to turn out doesnt,,,,,,,,,,,,,but oh yeah I can't wait for my Dad to have to answer for the things he has done to hurt me, my sister, my mother and my children. My story is long and twisted too and I have alot of resentment to my father right now........... I have for years over other things not really JW related but in around about way they were.

    I guess it is just imperfect human nature to want to be vindicated when you have been done wrong. It is not so much that I have been done so wrong by my dad, but his attitude that gets to me. His self rigtheous attitude and his better than everyone eles attitude. I would love to be there when God tells him he is not better than anyone eles, and he did not have a special purpose for him after all, and that he totally missed the whole Christain idea of what he was talking about. I honestly wouldnt want to rub my dad's face in it , but I would love to see him admit he was wrong,,,,,,,and to see him change , to see if he could change and would.

    But I doubt I see that on this side of life ya know. So I have to work on myself and try to be the best person I can be,,,,,,,,, it is hard to be so angry and bitter over the things he has done to me and my family,,,,,,,,but I do try to think that if he ever changed his attitude , even just a little bit, that some day things could be different. He treats all of his brothers and sisters different than he does me, they are practicing Catholics who are not ever going to be JW's, but in my dad's eyes........ I am a dog who has returned to it's vomit. It is hard to be thought of like that,,,,,,,,,, especially when I know his hypocritical double standards............. sorry for the rant and rave...............

    Hugs to you DJ

  • DJ

    Marsal........thanks, how sweet.


    ......who is realizing that her need to please (in order to be loved back) is self-destructive.

    you pegged me. Where did I learn that behavior? My whole life has been about earning love from them by being taught that my perfect works could earn me eternal life too. I'm done with earning anything except respect and a paycheck! got me. I didn't even realize what I was doing until about two days ago...I'm growing up at 42.....sheeeesh.

    pettygrudger.......I would write letters if I thought for a second that they'd read them and consider anything I say. They would justify themselves and hate me more. I am done with them. I have to get thru this hard time with my dad but after that they are more than welcome to shun me again. It will not hurt me anymore. They have caused enough pain that only a fool would go looking for more. I think that my version of revenge is to pay attention to my husband and kids again because I have my priorities back again. It was devastating to learn of my papa's illness and all that goes with it but the shock is over and the reality has sunken in. I guess that I had this delusional fantasy that his illness would help them to remember that we are family. My dad sees that. The cong. has been of little help. Where is that love among the members. I haven't seen it! Instead they are internally aware bit in a denial over it. I'm done being hurt. I feel strong again. I can offer love but it is different now. I have reality back. Yipeee.

    Lyin.....I hear you.....I've always learned the hard way. Being hurt is one thing but being falsly accused is sickening, isn't it? While it is painful to admit that they still have hatred for me...I can handle it now. I am still angry though. I just have to handle my anger without sinning now..grrrr. Easier said than done for

    I love you guys.

  • Sadie5

    Dear DJ,

    My thoughts and prayers are with you. Be strong, come here to vent, know that your Dad loves you and appreciates what you are doing and that's all that matters.


  • Sunspot


    You certainly said a LOT! I have recently come to the same conclusion, but for very different reasons.

    Needless to say, my family is very screwed up....and the WTS is at the core of it all. My parents, my Sister (and her grown kids I've never seen) and my oldest son (now married with three kids I've only seen from a distance)....all disowned me either WHEN I was baptized as a JW, (1972) or my son...who WAS a JW and DAed himself, so I didn't speak to him since that loving article came out in 1981 about DFed people in your family.......

    So all these relatives have gotten letter after letter from me since I left the WTS...I have apologized, and explained and apologized over and over again.......and I hear by the grapevine that they have all said....too little-too late....despite my groveling and total acceptance of responsibility for all I have done that according to my Father, tore this family all apart......

    My Mother died a year and a half ago, and I was told (grapevine again) to NOT attend the funeral---I was NOT wanted. My Father is dying as we speak.....same directive was issued.....and NOW there's another whole issue with a BIL (JW) who died in April and I didn't attend the talk given for him at the KH in MA, and now THAT whole end of the family is not speaking to me........the one who died treated me like shit at a nonJW after-the-funeral gathering for another family member (nonJW)......and my nonJW hubby said that G----- didn't want you near him when he was WE are not going to travel to MA to the memorial for him ....and now I am the "heavy" who talked my hubby out of going to the memorial talk at the KH.....and the hatred and venom continue on......ALL because of WATCHTOWER POLICY, and how it affects everyone in the family, even those who had no desire to ever BE a JW.

    It's insidious and spreads WORSE than any Cancer.......and is causing SO many people to have hard's a ripple effect from hell....

    There's a LOT more.....but I won't go into it all now......but it's all along the same line.

    My conclusion? My reasoning that lines up with what you touched on?

    That after MANY heartfelt and gut-wrenching letters to my son, my parents, my Sister, etc......and they stick their collective noses in the air and view me as garbage.....I told my husband a number of weeks ago, that now I was disowning THEM!

    THEY are not "worthy" of MY love or friendship! After ALL the letters I've written and TRUE apologies, and they STILL want to be so miserable......then I don't need THEM in MY life. Good riddance! Drop dead! Hasta la Vista! Sit on it and Rotate!!

    If they are that "small" and that vindictive, and show NO signs of ever "coming around" to even be CIVIL......then I don't WANT them in my life! EVER! WHAT could they possibly "add" to my existance, other than making me bend, scrape and bow before them forever, ALWAYS looking for a crumb of acceptance and love? UH-UH....I did enough of THAT as a JW, thank you very much!

    Piss on them all......sour grapes? Maybe. Anger? That too. But I refuse to deliberately put myself in the company of those who want to put ME through hoops for however long it pleases them... I am done. THEY don't want to "reinstate" me back into the family fold----so be it.

    So, DJ, grab reality, grab your self-respect, and tell anyone who is dumping on you for their own selfish piss off.

    YOU are MUCH too good and much too caring a person to have to deal with any of that crap any more. I think you are a terific and loving person.......and everyone else should see that too.



  • nowisee


    i have only just now seen this thread. know that my arms are around you and i am sending you love.

    everything that i would say has already been said by others here.

    you have the satisfaction of knowing that you have done the right thing despite the odds against it.

    much love, nowisee

  • Sunspot

    **when we are all in Heaven, we can finally be told by the ones who treated us so bad, that they were wrong about it all.**

    **I guess it is just imperfect human nature to want to be vindicated when you have been done wrong.**

    SIGH.... I just couldn't let this pass...........cuz I guess I secretly hold these same views. That SOMEHOW, this will "all come out in the wash" and those of us who are hurting SO badly, those of us who WANT our families back under "normal" circumstances, those of us who's main fault was "obeying our Mother, the WTS", and then having to pay the price as long as we live....even though we now know and freely admit that "Mother WTS" was full of shit......that somehow we'll be seen as the terrific people that WE can see one another to be on JWD......

    I try SO hard to smile and pretend......everything is peachy......and it isn't. Not by a long shot.......but I have NO way to rectify the damage, the YEARS of damage, that the Witchtower has gleefully heaped upon one family and shredded it forever.

    Dede...girlfriend....we have a lot in common, as do so many of us here, and I want SOMEONE to pay, and pay BIG, for the mess that our family has come to be......due to the LOVING WTS......And it IS "human nature" to want to be heard, and vindicated, for the horrible mistakes we made while being deliberately misled by the WTS........and yet we still struggle, and face being treated like shit....and I HATE it.

    WHATEVER I can keep even ONE person from getting involved with those bastards......I will do.

    HATE is not a nice word, and I know that.....but I HATE the WTS with every fiber of my being...and more.

    My deepest heartfelt love goes out to all of you who suffer as I do at the hands of this evil publishing company.



  • Prisca

    (((((((((((((((((((DJ)))))))))))))))))))) consider yourself hugged

    Firstly, you are doing the right thing in looking after your father whilst he is sick. To be doing so whilst undergoing gossip and backstabbing by so-called "Christians" is even more commendable.

    Reading what you have written here, I am worried that you don't have an outlet for your anger and frustration. If left unchecked, it can turn into depression, and all over actions that were not your fault.

    I know it would be uncomfortable, and difficult, but have you stood up to your rellies, and told them what you think of them? That their unChristian behaviour confirms to you that you made the right choice in leaving the JWs? That you are hurting over your father's illness, and that they are only adding to your pain? That you refuse to be walked over, and deserve to be treated with respect by all of them? I really think you need to speak up, confront them.

    You are a good and loving person. You don't deserve to be treated like rubbish. Stand up for yourself, girl.

  • DJ

    Sadie....I just read your thread and I appreciate you. Your right and thanks for the prayers. love, dj

    Sunspot....LOL, I hear you too, you are very angry as well. There is hope. I feel so much better today. I don't know exactly why but I think I just needed to vent and then try to discern what I was doing wrong. As you can see, I slowly worked that out right here on this I don't even feel anger anymore....instead I just feel sure of myself and what my responsibilities are now. I owe nothing to them except for love because I do see them as my enemies. I will not bend over backwards in order to please them anymore though. I think that I thought that love was a warm fuzzy feeling but it isn' is just treating someone else with kindness. I can do that ....when I have to see I will balance my daddy's needs with my family's issues with a whole new light.....pun not



    If you knew my family you would agree that I would be a masochist if I tried to set them straight. It isn't worth the ulcer to me.You have a sister who doesn't try to convert you all of the time and I am soooo happy for you but my sisters....well, they live to convert me. It is a constant problem. I don't need to be validated by them anymore. It is ok if they hate me and think that I am of the devil.... I am on my own two feet again and I give the glory to God for answering my prayers and the prayers of others because I feel brand new today...Honestly, you know I think that spending the past two years around them so much was dragging me into their bondage. They are such black thinkers. I was trying to face the reality of my dad's condition and there they were trying to convert wonder they are mad. I am free...Prisca!! I thank God for you guys and this board..

  • bebu


    Obviously you love your dad. What you are willing to endure for someone demonstrates what they are worth to you: Your dad is worth all of this suffering, and I know that one day you'll be beyond this time of turmoil and agree that, given the choice again, you would still consider your dad worth all the pain.

    I want you to know that I think you are really awesome, and you are quite a wonderful model of perseverence. Love on Christ's terms is painful, but is the only road to fulfillment.

    I just want to encourage you! Keep on doing good...


  • DJ

    ((((((((Bebu)))))))) How sweet of you. It is not burdensome to live the way Christ taught us and it is always right and in the end I always see that. His love is precious to me. When I realized that doing things His way was actually beneficial to me, even though at the time sometimes I don't see it.....In the end it is always clear that I would have been miserable if I didn't heed His voice. Cool, eh? It is a tough road at times for sure. It can be very painful but then I remember that He endured pain even until death for me. That realization always helps me get my perspective back. I just wish that I knew how to ALWAYS walk in the spirit because I hate when I am in the flesh.

    My papa is a jw but he has had my heart since I was a kid. He's tough but he has a very loving side too. My life will have a void when he is gone. He's one of those people that lights up the room when he enters or atleast he lights up my heart. I wish that he was a reader but he never liked to read.He is more of the mechanical type. I think that if read more , then he would never have become a jw.....because he is a person who always made sure of things and I got his berean nature from him. If he had taken the time to read the bible instead of just believing the jw's and only reading the verses that they point out......he would have told them to take a leap. I have to trust that God in his infinite wisdom will be merciful to my dad. I just don't know and I think that makes his death even more difficult for me. BTW, he was the only one who didn't completly shun my husband and I when we gave up on the watchtower. He had to hide his visits and keep them brief but atleast he visited us once in a while. After he got sick and I was allowed back into the family, he wrote me a letter saying that he was thankful that we were back together because he missed us even if it was a tragic way. I treasured that letter, except for the part where he tried to convert Thanks bebu for being so kind to me. love, dj

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