Shunned? You are better off....

by DJ 33 Replies latest jw experiences

  • breal


    Hang in there! I know it is not much comfort but know that you are doing the right thing by trying to be supportive of your dad while the rest of the family are wasting precious time with gossip and creating problems where none need to be. It can be very hard to be the better person especially in the situation where shunning is done as a matter of convenience by some but do your best to ignore there hurtful ways and realize that you are helping out because of the good person you are and because you love and respect your dad.

  • DJ

    Hi CG,

    My siblings help too. I am not accusing them of not helping my mom. We all do what we can. The advice to keep doing what I was is good advice. There is my problem though...I always did everything out of simple love but they have turned it into an obligation because of their hate. There is my crisis....I have a hard time doing things without love. I can't explain myself today very well. sorry. I do know that my dad loves me and depends on me even....but I am having a terrible time going through the hoops needed to get to him. The chores are huge and I don't get much time to just be with him because I have to be home to be with my kids when they get off the bus and week-ends.....well.....the jw siblings are there and the tension and dirty looks are sickening. I'll be ok, I just need to regroup or something. I have never dealt with this much anger before. I'm not sure where to put the anger so that i can feel only love again.

  • Brummie

    DJ, so sorry that you have to be the brunt of JW hypocrasy in this way! grrr

    (((d )))


  • DJ

    You guys are the best. I am so grateful to have this place to share my deepest emotions and pain. The encouragements offered have given me back my perspective. It is the same perspective that i had two years ago when I entered into this nightmare. I love my dad and always have and always will. That's it. I will not allow the mean spiritness of the other family members to change that. Thanks for giving me back my courage. They will not de-rail me again. I do not need their love in order to give my love to my dad. I need to separate the family members and stop seeing them as a group whose love I need. I do not need their I !!! I also cannot force them to accept mine......can I !!! I need to stop being a human being with feelings in order to be around them. You know what? I'll try again. If I fall down again, I hope that you'll be here to pick me up again. love, dj

  • little witch
    little witch

    you are so sweet and good, do not let anyone take that from you!

    I just lossed my Dad in October, and I still hurt. The worst part is, we were not close. I don't think you will ever regret taking care of your Dad. It will be your biggest comfort. Ya know what? I bet he knows it too. and appreciates it.

  • viktoria

    Dear DJ

    I feel so sorry for you.It is in times like this you want to stand together with the family. The selfish lot should think about your fathers feelings first.

    Hang in there, don´t let them get you down, and remember that-when all this is over-you can look everybody right in the eye and say that you did your very best-in spite of them. I´ll never understand what makes so many JW´s to be so cold and heartless sometimes directly evil-I mean-with all the bible reading they do one could expect at least some of the message to get through,right?

    A big hug to you.


  • DJ


    My dad is always happy and welcoming to see me. His smile when he sees me walk thru the door is worth gold. I lost my way in the past few weeks because of the others but I am gonna trudge onward. I'm sorry about your dad.(((((((((((((lw))))))))))))


    Yes! You would think that they would have atleast gotten the love teachings from the bible but it is not so. It's probably because in reality they do very little actual bible reading. Their heads are stuck in all of the watchtower books and magazines most of the time. I used to feel sorry for them because they are so misled and I hope that someday I will be able to feel something other than annoyance with their head games.... I am so tired of being dragged down spiritually by them. My father's feelings are not considered ever...except by one jw sister and she has been sent before the elders twice for discipline because she stood up to my family's poor treatment of my dad. Now she is a scared little rabbit and afraid to say what she feels because she is afraid of the elders. It is such a mess. They cannot see the forest because of the trees, you know?

  • marsal


    I am so sorry for the treatment you are receiving from your very own family. You have been so kind and uplifting to so many posters on this forum. It always amazes how unloving JWs can be and still profess to be "Christian".

  • outnfree


    I have never dealt with this much anger before. I'm not sure where to put the anger so that i can feel only love again.

    I have a few suggestions (how many family members did you say you had? ), but maybe you should just go pummel a pillow instead?

    I have been reading your posts as you grapple with this enormous responsability, juggling your obligations, "watching" you struggle with your need to love and be loved, wrestling with the unchristian actions of your siblings and mother.

    DJ, you are a truly beautiful person who is realizing that her need to please (in order to be loved back) is self-destructive. Time to step back, take a deep breath, and PLEASE YOURSELF. If pleasing yourself means continuing to care for Dad while putting up with the negativity and backbiting from the other family members, then go for it. You are already steeling yourself for it, more power to you. You already are realizing you need to please those who actually DO love you back -- your kids and your husband. Their love will be your fortress. As will the love of Christ. The strength will come. I'm sure of it.



  • pettygrudger

    (((DJ))) At least you can take consolation in the fact that out of the entire lot -you are the one that is showing the most "Christian" loving attitude -

    The JW's had this saying that you could "convert" others by your own exemplary behavior.....and I believe to an extent it works both ways. The fact that you aren't running amock and behaving like the demonized worldy people, says alot about you. Perhaps after the sad circumstances of your father's illness has passed, a letter to all individual members of your family explaining EXACTLY why their behavior is about as un-Christian and loving as one can get would be in order - might give a few of them pause to think. We'll all help you even with the scriptures you might need to pound the points home.

    You're suffering in silence now shows an extremely strong, resilent caring person - kudos to you (and lots of respect from me for sure!). But, after this situation has passed, I'd say there should be "no holds barred". They all deserve to know exactly how they've behaved, and how it HASN"T changed the way you still lead a loving caring giving existence, one full of happiness, love within your own immediate family, something they can't penetrate and sadly that they will never be able to know - true unconditional loving acceptance and warmth within a family. There is no sweeter revenge when you are able to prove (at least to yourself) that they are wrong, and whether they publically admit it or not, they have to know that too. How bitter-sweet it is (but just focus on the sweet).

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