Shunned? You are better off....

by DJ 33 Replies latest jw experiences

  • DJ

    I have to tell you that if you are currently shunned, although it may be are actually better off imo. Having had it both ways now, I am convinced that it was less painful than being halfway accepted (as I am now because my dad is sick). My conscience is clear and it feels so good but at the same time I am in more pain than when I was shunned. Shunning is a word that my JW family doesn't use, they say that they don't shun anyone...which is just another clue as to how self deceived they are. I am involved with my family only to the degree that they allow me to be now. I am needed for helping to care for my dad and pay bills, buy groceries, handle the doctors and medical reasearch, do laundry, cook.........etc.................................... all the while they are talking about me behind my back, twisting my words, making sure to praise the deeds of the jw family members while never mentioning anything about the ones who aren't except half truths which are incriminating. One jw sibling has managed to twist me up so badly that even her non jw spouse is convinced that I have done awful thing/s? This person calls himself Christian, all the while falling for his jw wife's demented half view of matters.I feel sorry for him for being so deceived but he can't even see what has happened and continues to see and hear only what she filters to him. He won't even return phone calls now! This is too much. She basks in the glory of having her husband angry with my husband and I while we are deeply hurt and misrepresented. I have done all that I can for my family out of my plain old love for them. It is clear to me that my family is somewhat mentally ill. I cannot figure their behavior out. They need me to give, give, give which I have gladly done without being asked anyway......they are truly blind, pitiful and naked. I have been manipulated in every way possible. If you are a jw in my family then you are to be believed and if you aren't well..... I have never seen such dispicable bahavior in my life. These people range in age from their thirties up to their seventies! They are worse than children who fight and cry foul. I cannot even articulate here properly because it is truly as if they are under a spell. I have seen theocratic lying daily by them and I was in a denial and tried to chalk it up to stress or whatever other excuse that I could muster up to forgive and forget but I am through. I have put my husband and children on the back burner so that I could give 110% to them. I have never been so used and fooled in all of my life. I look fondly back to the days when I was shunned...or whatever word it is that they do.... I have never seen such a lack of integrity wrapped up in two-faced, hypocrits who are masters of deception with their false smiles and ability to lie while doing it. I am appalled by their behavior and rather shook up by the lengths that some people will go to appear righteous. I try not to involve myself in their little gossip sesions and it has left me wide open for a field day of feasting on my silence. I am convinced that these people will do whatever they have to, in order to maintain their image to the world. This cult is far more dangerous than I ever imagined. Sorry for rambling. I wish that I could give details but it is so twisted and bizarre that I can't even follow it. Shunned?....savor it and God bless.

  • Carmel

    DJ, I'm sorry for your plight with your "Christain" family. I hope you and your husband find the strength to continue on being genuine loving people while those that "call out His name, yet are bitter water" abuse you psychologically. Hang in there! We appreciate you!


  • DJ

    Thankyou Carmel. I appreciate your words of encouragement. I'm having some trouble with separating my love for them and my need to be loved back but I did it before and do need strength to be that way again. Now I am angry and I have never been this angry in my entire life. I read that anger comes from pain and that just may be true. It is almost like I am some kind of idiot though because I let them set me up and I always think it will be different every day but the day's end result is always the same pain. It is the hardest thing to continue to love while being hated in return. It is easier if I offer love to a stranger because I guess I don't need love returned by them. Family is very complex and I am truly convinced that jw families are not only in a cultish religion but their entire being is twisted and malfunctioning. It is very upsetting. The capacity to deceive and be ok with themselves is frightening at times. Thanks again for encouraging me. I needed that! (((hugs)))

  • SheilaM


    I guess I'm curious as to WHY you would put your children and hubby on the backburner for these ungrateful louts???? I think you need to check your perspective. YOUR children love and appreciate you that is where you need to focus. I wouldn't give them 1% of effort.

    I regret the emotions I spent on my family, I really do. I wish the time I spent crying and hurt I had spent hugging and kissing my babies and my Thunder.

  • Nikita

    Dj, sounds like you could use a hug. (((((((((((((((((((DJ)))))))))))))))))))))) I am so saddened to hear about what you are going through, yet, I know it doesn't surprise me or you. That doesn't make it hurt any less, though.

    Hugs again (((((((((((((((DJ))))))))))))))))))


  • DJ


    It's because my father has brain cancer and my mom needs help. I still love them. I have been used by all family members except my dad. He is what holds me there still. It was impossible for me to give the assistances that was required and take care of my family too. I had to choose and I did so with my husband's consent but even he didn't know just how low they are willing to stoop. He has learned along with me.....the hard way.


    (((((((((thanks)))))))) you're right, I need hugs but it still does surprise me because I want to atleast think that they have some integrity...???

  • little witch
    little witch


    God bless you sweetheart, I can relate to what you are going through, and you are right, family can be more hurtful than a perfect stranger!

    And nothing in this world is worse than being paid evil for good.

    It sounds like you are doing so many good things for your family, perhaps with patience on your part, they may come to realize true love from fluff! Keep your chin up babe, we will keep you in our prayers.

  • DJ


    I have never forgotten why you chose your name and offer you hugs too and know that you understand me.

  • little witch
    little witch

    thanks DJ....I thought due to my absence, I was forgotten!

  • Country Girl
    Country Girl


    Don't be discouraged. We all feel the need for love an affirmation from our familes. However, yours can't give you that, so I would just be content in knowing that you can give what you can, and all the rest just doesn't matter. Keep being there for your Dad, no matter what. He's dying and what you are doing is worth WAY MORE than their measly contributions. He knows.. and you know, and that is all that matters. From now on, though, I wouldn't give too much to family members who don't need it. You are a loving soul, and that is worth A LOT, despite what your relatives say. Keep remembering that if it was YOU that was dying, you would appreciate for sure someone that would take care of you as much as you are taking care of him. He's afraid... and you are there to comfort him. Screw those screwballs. What does it matter what they think? They are doing nothing.. and you are caring for a fellow human.. your Father.. and they are not. That counts for a lot in the cosmos.. believe it or not.


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