Sayings of wisdom

by Simon 31 Replies latest social humour

  • Simon

    1- I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.

    2- I love deadlines. Especially the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

    3- Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

    4- Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.

    5- Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing him again.

    6- I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

    7- Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

    8- My reality check bounced.

    9- On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

    10- I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.

    11- You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

    12- Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

    13- Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

    14- Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.

    15- A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the rear-end.

    16- Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

    17- After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.

    18- The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

    19- You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

    20- Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

    21- People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.

    22- If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

    23- When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

    24- Following the rules will not get the job done.

    25- When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

  • Gopher

    26 -- Please don't tell me to RELAX !! My stress is the only thing holding me together !!

    27 -- Work fascinates me. I can stare at it all day!

  • openminded

    Kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman who has known man by lying with him. But all the young girls who have not known man ... , keep alive for yourselves.
    [Moses, relaying God's orders to his people, Numbers 31:17-18]

    As long as people believe in absurdities they will continue to commit atrocities.

    Tonight, instead of discussing the existence or non-existence of God, they have decided to fight for it.
    [Monty Python]

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    Aspire to inspire before you expire

  • Shakita

    "If they become tired or even die, that does not matter. Let them die in childbirth, that's why they are here." --

    Quote from reformist Martin Luther, who could not see any benefit from women except to produce as many offspring as possible.

    Mrs. Shakita

  • plmkrzy

    Where ever you go...

    There you are.

    12- Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy
  • arrowstar

    "Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done."

    "Do I look like a people person?"

    "Ah...I see the Screw Up fairy has visited us again"

    "Good girls go to Heaven....Bad girls go everywhere"

  • acsot

    I've learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

    I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.

    I've learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.

    I've learned that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

  • blondie

    “It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data.”

    Arthur Conan Doyle

  • BeautifulGarbage

    I only need two rules in my house.

    Rule # 1: Mom is ALWAYS right.

    Rule # 2: When in doubt, refer to rule #1.


Share this