by Freedomrules 34 Replies latest jw friends
Hi:
I'm just trying to figure this site out. I'm inactive JW for 8 years. My whole family is JW. Married a non-JW (best thing I ever did), and have kids of my own. Love this site. It is great to meet others like me. I feel like I'm the only person in my shoes sometimes.
Peace,
Freedomrules
Hi there, freedomrules. Welcome to the forum! Pull up a chair, enjoy, read and jump in whenever you want to.
You picked a great name. It quite well sums up the feelings we have once we have shaken off the old JW way of life and start pursuing an actual life without being constantly told what to do, when to do it, how to do it, etc. by the organization and its people.
You're not alone in your feelings any more. Do you get any pressure to "return to Jehovah" from your family? Did you have to walk a fine line to fade into inactivity?
Oh, and congratulations on a happy marriage.
Thanks for the welcome. It was hard at first. My parents lived all over the world, so I didn't really have a community of any kind to fall back on. The nice thing was when I returned to the US for college (a long battle in itself) I was away (far, far away) from the parents and was able to make my break. I started dating a wonderful guy, and only informed my parents when we were engaged (they met him 3 weeks before we married). My parents are nice. My mom always tries to talk to me about stuff, taking advantage in particular if I'm low. My dad, who's an elder, doesn't really bother. They're still nice to me (I think mostly because they want to see their grandkids) but its hard knowing that I've disappointed them. also, its hard because my family and I celebrate bdays and christmas and thanksgiving. I haven't told my parents yet but I'm going to have to, especially since my son is almost five and loves to talk to his grandma. In many ways I'm angry and bitter, because I feel I had a really screwed up childhood. I knew from the time I was 5 or 6 that this wasn't for me. It was hard because the mind control is total. I remember as a child praying that my grandmother (a non-witness) would die because then she would have paid the price for her sins and I'd get to see her at the resurrection. I was terrified that she would still be alive when Armaggedon came around.
Thinking about it depresses me. But I am glad because I'm out and I'm not a hypocrite anymore. THat was the hardest thing for me. That and constantly being told what to do and told that I couldn't do certain things because I was a woman and told by the elders to "stay in my place" when at age 16 I started questioning things like if God is love why does he permit suffering. I still haven't gotten a good answer. When I was 15 I was trying to build up my Watchtower library and had a whole bunch of books (even bigger than the library at the KH) and I wrote the society asking them for more books, and somehow they tracked me down to my little congregation in Italy and one of the elders came and asked me if I wrote this letter (he showed it to me.) In the upperrighthand corner (I wish I still had this thing) was written in red ink NO $$. I guess since I didn't send a donation they weren't going to answer my letter and the elder told me I should ask the elders questions and not write directly to the society.
Again, thank god I'm out.
Freedomrules
What a strange reply...no $$. Well that's whats important for them...
I feel like I'm the only person in my shoes sometimes.
Yes, and before the internet most people felt that way...and look now! A true brotherhood.
My experiences relect yours quite well, also inactive and questioning doctrine very early...at some point i started to do research and was tolled by the elders that I did it in the wrong manner...I guess they didn't like the stuff that came up...I read the old books boy was that an eye opener!
Well, I keep on talking...welcome to the board and enjoy your time here!
Greven
They're still nice to me (I think mostly because they want to see their grandkids) but its hard knowing that I've disappointed them.
My parents shun me and my sister. Actually they kept the lines open with my sister, so as to be able to "witness" to her children, until her husband put a stop to it. It is so hard that the love parents show is confined to the "conditional" kind of love that their masters, the WT Society, allow them to show. It doesn't feel natural at all. It's like "if you accept our religion, then we'll love you... Otherwise you are not quite good enough". And FROM THAT attitude comes the idea that maybe we've disappointed our parents.
Actually your parents should be PROUD of you that you went to college and are making a success out of your life and your marriage. If they would think about it, they would have a lot to be proud about. However, when measured by Watchtower standards, what matters is how they look to their friends that their child was not "successfully raised in the truth".
Don't allow them to make you feel that you disappointed them. It's just sad that they can't agree to disagree about religion, and just carry on the regular family relationship without bringing religion into it. The shoe really could be on the other foot, that they are a disappointment to you because of how they treat you as an "outsider" now just because some men in Brooklyn, New York have said that their religion matters more than family!
since I didn't send a donation they weren't going to answer my letter
What about the scripture that says "anyone that wants, come drink life's water free"? This action to prevent you from access to more literature says all you need to know about the WT Society -- it's all about money and power over people! Your parents and my parents cannot see it that way, for to them the organization is perfect (even though the men are imperfect). But why belong to an organization that treats people that way?
Your questions were and are perfectly valid -- such as "if God is love, why is there so much suffering?". The WT Society answer that God has to allow time to pass to prove his side of the issue is not satisfying. How many more centuries need to pass, how much more needless suffering has to occur, and how many more innocent people need to die before God finally decides enough is enough? Why hasn't his case been proven a thousand times over already? It's natural to want to know.
Anyhow it IS all good to be away from association with the Watchtower publishing corporation (more a corporation than a religion), and into real life where we don't have to be constantly worrying about whether we have to give our neighbor a witness. Instead we can be real friends and give real help when needed, rather than pushing some corporation's ideology down their throat.
In a subtle way I guess my folks are trying to get to me through my kids. My sister, who I adore, is a regular pioneer. When we went to visit my parents she took to reading the My Book of Bible Stories to him at night. At first I didn't mind, having not read it in ages, but then the next day my son wanted to know why that dad was going to kill his son. She had read him the story of Abraham and Isaac, complete with the picture of Abraham holding Isaacs forehead and a knife and Isaac blindfolded. I went nuts. I told my sister that she wasn't to read those stories to him anymore. It really hit me then how sick the religion is. All I remember about the kingdom hall was a compulsive desire to talk about death, and to be happy when others died, and my dad pinching me to make me sit still and taking me outside when I couldn't, to spank me. Not happy times. My sister told me recently that they are redoing the Book of Bible stories. About time.
WELCOME, FREEDOMRULES!
I told my sister that she wasn't to read those stories to him anymore. It really hit me then how sick the religion is. All I remember about the kingdom hall was a compulsive desire to talk about death,
It sounds like you either have or will need to set rules about your family talking religion to your children. The children are your responsibility and not theirs. I have read (on this forum) of other cases where the grandparents would conduct a study with the kids against the parents' previously expressed wishes. Again, they feel compelled to do this because as you know, they're told that "kingdom interests" (in other words, their religion / corporation) come ahead of family ties.
It's a fine line that you're walking. It would be nice if you and your children could keep family ties going in spite of their intense loyalty to the religion.
They're re-doing the Bible Stories book? I wonder what that means? It'll still have awful stuff in it like the near-sacrifice of Isaac. They'll just take the same old stuff and dress it up a bit.
Welcome to the board, Freedomrules.
Good for you to have been and still are surrounded by JW family and still you have found your freedom.
Very good therapy here to help deprogram and put the jw thing in its place, far behind.
Looking forward to more comments by you.
j2bf
Welcome to our happy home!
