How to avoid getting disfellowshipped for having a wordly girlfriend?

by cookiemaster 49 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • cookiemaster

    Haha, I was mostly joking about the money part Mr. Mustard, they are a corrupt and money hungry organization, but I'd have no guarantee they'd actually leave me alone, unless I keep donating, and that would be just like paying protection money to the mafia. I shouldn't and I won't pay just to not be harassed or socially ostracized. One of the elders hates me on a personal level anyway, so no amount of money would keep him off my back.

    I wish to express my sincere thanks so all the others that have contributed to this conversation so far. It's a lot of input but I really have no one to discuss these things with who will understand and this makes your feedback very valuable to me.

  • LV101

    Save your cash - celebs receive media attention and can cause them harm in the public eye -- the cult's achilles' heel. Play 'em on and have fun with it - then fade on out to better than EVA street. Don't act like you give a care other than to your parents, of course.

    Stupid cult should be grateful anyone attends and with the sale of halls they might be begging for numbers showing up.

    Just read about the loser-elder hater -- can you tell your parents once he's gone you'll attend or something -- they need to show some empathy for you or you'll bop in now and then to test the waters. Use it as leverage -- I know they'll tell you it's your test bla bla - say your health can't take it per your medical team. Or have some fun with the hater buffoon.

  • cookiemaster

    LV101 you actually gave me some very useful advice. You see, my parents have had issues themselves with that elder (which is why is hates me, he hated my parents before me) and I can use him as an excuse (partly true) as to the reason why I'm fading stronger and no longer interested if he and other elders chimp out about my worldly relationship.

  • pale.emperor

    Listener and Finkelstein are correct.

    i would just like to add that there was a girl in my congregation that pulled this off successfully. She was an elders daughter. The family hit a tragedy and she stopped attending. The witnesses thought she was taking a break due to stress. While not attending she got married to a non-witness and still never went back. She’s still in contact with all her family a even JWs invite her to weddings etc.

    Could try that?

    Also, why in the world would you take this girl to the memorial?

  • LV101

    cookiemaster -- the daughter of the head dude at hall I was at literally used to walk out of the hall after the boasting session - her head throbbing and blurry vision (like a migraine) and start throwing up. They lived block or so away from the hall and she'd walk home - or try to walk home - this is a young girl jr. high school. To this day she's using this as an excuse. It's hilarious -- I saw her few mos ago and she told me her parents are begging her to return to Jehovah, etc., and she told them she's too depressed -- her mom said, "we're all depressed," and can imitate her mom so well - we were laughing so hard. She'll never return but thus far her parents haven't X'd her out of their life. I don't think their mental/physical life can deal with it and live out of state - which helps.

    Like the smart dudes above said -- don't play their game but if you do (even temporarily) have fun with it. That religion makes one mentally/physically sick - your doctor confirmed it (lol) and your health can't take it. I feel sorry for your parents.

  • DesirousOfChange

    Former elder here.

    As long as you are not observed (by two witnesses) to spending the night with her, you should be able to avoid DFing. You will have to "really" not be intimate (f*cking) her, or you will have to be really discreet and not be caught.

    The secondary risk is "dating an unbeliever". In the past this could be considered "loose conduct". I would fear that it might be construed as "Brazen Conduct" if you are counseled about it but blatanty (brazenly) ignore that counsel. This new "brazen conduct" is a "blanket cover all" for anything the elders want to use it for. If they are "after you", they could twist it to use against you. If they "want" to turn a blind eye to your relationship, they can do so.

    Actually marrying the gal will get them off of your ass.

    Good luck!

    The greatest revenge is living a happy and successful life!

  • cookiemaster

    The greatest revenge is living a happy and successful life!

    What a beautiful way to conclude this topic. Thank you guys! I've read every reply and each one is much appreciated.
  •  The Bethelite
    The Bethelite

    "come to your wedding?" What will you tell your parents if some grand kids happen. "

    "Oh I forgot to take my kids to the meetings"

    You are in La La land and dancing with fire.

    good luck

  • Ding

    I'd advise against trying to play games like having her pretend to study or sneaking around and pretending you're not dating whenever a JW or elder is nearby.

    She deserves better than that.

  • cookiemaster
    Bethelite, you ask a good question. I would simply say that my wife and I decided that the children will not go to any type of religious indoctrination until they are mature and can make their own choices. Considering I barely attend, I don't think that it would be a big deal. Celebrating children's birthdays and Christmas, that would really upset them, but we can simply do that privately as a family and it's none of their business if they don't approve.

    Ding, you are right. She does deserve better than that. Those were simply silly hypotheticals of certain short time mitigative actions. I would never put my girlfriend though something that makes her uncomfortable, even though she's not bothered about JWs at all, she finds it all very silly, doesn't take it seriously. Honestly, this woman is so amazing I wouldn't hesitate to marry her tomorrow but our relationship has started not very long ago and I don't want to scare her with life-long commitments just yet.

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