How to avoid getting disfellowshipped for having a wordly girlfriend?

by cookiemaster 49 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Atlantis

    2019 Shepherd The Flock of God--Chapter 12

    For example, if a baptized Christian is dating an ‘unbeliever,’ the
    elders should first counsel him and try to help him. (2 Cor. 6:14;
    w04 7/1 pp. 30-31) If he persists in disregarding Bible principles
    in spite of repeated admonition, the body of elders may decide
    that a warning talk should be given to the congregation.

    If an individual is dating an unbaptized publisher, a warning talk may
    not be needed. Much would depend on the circumstances, on the
    attitude of the Christian, on the level of disturbance to the congregation,
    and other factors. Nonetheless, if he is dating with a view to marrying someone who is unbaptized, he is not obeying the Bible’s counsel at 1 Corinthians 7:39 to marry “only in the Lord,” and loving counsel should be given.

    80. If the disorderly one is moved to change, the elders can individually decide to resume personally socializing with him. This will indicate to the congregation that they consider that the individual
    is no longer marked.

  • cookiemaster

    Thank you Listerner and Giordano for your wonderful advice! It sounds like a good course of action. I am used to being highly disciplined and if they don't outright disfellowship me, my parents won't be too concerned by the situation, I hope. I also want to make sure that my special lady is in no way made uncomfortable by my connection to JWs or feel pressured to participate in anything religious. Oh boy, I can already imagine what a minefield Christmas will be for me, fun times!

  • cookiemaster

    Thanks Atlantis, this is exactly what I wanted to know. How about If the disorderly one is not moved to change?

  • Atlantis

    It might be helpful for you to have the elder manual so that you can judge for yourself. (Link at bottom) You can search in the book to answer your questions. Remember, if two elders show up at your door and ask you if you still want to be a JW and you say "No", they can disfellowship you. They can also disfellowship you if you say "No" on the phone!

    When a JW decides that they no longer want to "practice" the "traditions" that JW's are known for, then they are "marked" and if they do not change, more than likely there will be a judicial committee formed and a request for you to meet with them.

    They will attempt to "readjust" your thinking and bring you back to "their" form of worship. Their form of worship is "regular" meeting attendance and ministry work. Living a life a JW lives day to day.

    If they meet with you and still there is "no change" after their "claim" that they tried to help you, then they may "watch" you for a time. (Surveillance) this goes on all the time. And when they see that you are making yourself a "part of the world" by associating with worldly people on a regular basis, they may go ahead and announce that you are no longer one of Jehovah's Witnesses. (In the old days they called it (Conduct Unbecoming of a Christian....or "Bringing Reproach Upon Jehovah's Name....or "Causing Divisions Within The Congregation".

  • cookiemaster

    This is golden information Atlantis! Thanks!

  • MeanMrMustard

    I agree with Fink here. Stop trying to beat the JWs at a game of who-can-be-more-legalistic. You’re not going to out-lawyer them.

    You really don’t need to beat them at their own game. Just don’t play.

  • Atlantis

    I am in contact with a former bethelite on a regular basis. I have known him for 10 years. He was fading 10 years ago and he still hates the Watchtower, but he has never been disfellowshipped.

    Once in a while (maybe once or twice a year he might make a visit to a meeting.) He also makes the claim that poor health restricts him from attending regularly. He gets away with it.

    There have been no shepherding calls to him or his wife who is very ill. Both of them read Crisis Of Conscience and could have been disfellowshipped just for reading that book.

    Never answer any direct questions from JW's. Such as: (Are you coming to the Sunday meeting?)....or Will we see you at the Memorial? Never answer any direct questions from an Elder about worldly associations. If they ask, tell them that the person is a fellow employee. A person you "work" with.

    Never say the word "No" to questions about whether you still want to be a JW. Make them think you are actually trying to help your girlfriend into the truth without actually doing so. (Just let them believe that way), remember, people are making videos with hidden microphones and cameras, THE ELDERS CAN DO THE SAME THING.

    In Search Of Christian Freedom by Ray Franz reminds us that the JW leadership in Greece, were arrested because they were caught with a surveillance camera taking pictures of JW's and people who were not JW's.

    When a person is maked the shunning starts and it only gets worse unless the person goes back and conforms to the "theocratic" guidelines, and that means living the "traditions" of a JW.

    Put them on a long string! Go to a meeting....and then disappear for 3 or 4 months, then appear again at a meeting just enough to satisfy their judgemental attitudes. Then disappear again.

    My bethelite friend has been doing it for ten years and he doesn't even get a shepherding call, because the elders just don't want to bother with him or his wife anymore. They are just too busy with other things.


  • Atlantis


    You really don’t need to beat them at their own game. Just don’t play.


    There are cases where that idea has worked out best. Honesty right up front can at least get you your freedom.

    I know EXJW's that have walked up to their JW family members and said: I do not want to be a JW anymore and you can take it or leave it. Your choice!


  • slimboyfat

    You must kno the deal. It would best to keep it secret, unless you get married, and in that case keep it secret until after you get married. Even in that case you will likely be subject to a marking talk. Marking talks were practicakky invented to stigmatise JWs who date or marry non-JWs.

    Technically you could date and/or marry a non-JW without being DFed, but be prepared for lots of intrusive questions about your private life, and probable informal shunning even if you avoid getting DFed.

  • carla

    Hell, I might even bring her to the KH to keep me company at the memorial (not for indoctrination, she's already redpilled on JWs).- Would you be willing to be seen walking into a Christian church for Easter service? or are you asking her to do what you yourself would not be willing to do?

    As a ubm, (mine joined up later in life) I feel sorry for her already.

    If you love her then stand up for her, you shouldn't have to hide away your love to soothe cult members. I understand the difficulties with the business,land, etc... but good grief! does this poor woman truly know what she is getting into?

    If you end up having a child with her will your jw family understand you as a family are a package deal? Will you allow people to shun you but expect to see your child? Will you bring your child up with the notion that conditional love is the norm?

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