Day 1: The Night of Anger, Tears, and Pain

by Saethydd 27 Replies latest jw experiences

  • pale.emperor

    "deep down I know this is the Truth."

    I've had this said to me a few times by my family members. Our families just cannot fathom that, shock horror, the Watchtower society could be wrong.

    I feel for you my friend. And i know, sort of, what you're experiencing. You're young, you woke up early so thats a great thing. You wont waste your youth in a cult like most of us did. Well done on making friends before exiting, that was a smart move.

    We'll all support you on here, but in the meantime remember that your family think they're doing what their god wants. It's like having an old relative with dementia, they say or do some hurtful things but they dont know what they're doing. You never know, one day in the future they may wake up. I mean, the org cannot stay the way it is now, the GB will die, the prophecies will fail again, people go on the internet, less people are joining.

    Well done to you and stay strong. Post here with updates because we're all thinking of you and we're here for you.

  • notalone

    Dear Saethydd, my heart goes out to you. I do believe this- that in truth there is strength. Today and for some days to come it will be hard. There will be many times when you will feel you just can't take it anymore and that due to the intensity of these emotions they will never go away. Truth brings strength. It also brings peace. You have lived and grown in a place of untruth. It is the place where your family still is. It feels weak and scary. There is fear not peace. Stand in truth. Stay in truth. You will find strength . You will find peace.You will find compassion. Maybe they will see it . Maybe they won't. The fear is deep and well cultivated, but it has a weakness. It is not truth. Here on this site you have found many that will continue to support you through this. We will help you to see truth, to stand in truth and be made strong by truth. My heart goes out to you for what you are facing now, but my heart rejoices that you have had the strength of character to stand with truth despite this challenge. Find the quiet, stand in truth and you will always find strength. Our deepest love

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    "Here on this site you have found many that will continue to support you through this. We will help you to see truth, to stand in truth and be made strong by truth." -- notalone

    The above explains my being here for some eleven years. I'm finally standing on my own two feet, so to speak, but not every issue has been resolved favorably for me at this point. There's seldom closure on every matter affecting us. We are, after all, human, hit by forces outside ourselves as well as those from within. Ah, what a ride it's been!

    Hang in there, Kiddo!

  • millie210

    My son did what you did.

    I reacted with great sadness (like your mom and sister)

    Little did either of us know that in 3 years I would walk away myself.

    Now my son and I are fine together.

    My point is, life changes on a dime and your obligation is to be honest, courteous and as loving as they will allow you to be.

    Then when and if change can occur (or even if it does not), you have done as much as you can to live honorably and left the door open on your end.

    (((Hugs))) and love to you

  • Heartsafire


    So happy to hear you are in a place of freedom and acceptance.

    You've carefully thought out your exit and planned accordingly knowing that your family would react the way they did. You also respected your family in choosing to reveal to them the truth of your beliefs rather than lie to them any further.

    What you did took guts, and my hat is off to you. It takes brave ones like you to take a stand and break the cycle of this cult.

    It is unfortunate that your family could not accept your beliefs, and they toed the line in reacting to your honesty. Their beliefs are being challenged right now, and they are in great pain with conflicting feelings...not caused by you but caused by the indoctrination you so deservedly denounce. But, who knows what the future holds? This could be the start of something good for them all.

    Welcome to true freedom! Your future is yours to make and the possibilities are limitless.

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    a few minutes later she deposited every gift I ever gave her in front of my door.

    All part of the emotionalism and manipulative childish drama they've come to believe is expected in the JW roles they've chosen to play.

    Good grief...a person should be able to choose their own religion without having their family fall to pieces. Your actions are helping to toughen them up because the probability is quite high that sooner or later their JW bubble will eventually be burst by something else.

    Remember, their tears are not about concern for you (even though they think they are) Their tears are for sorrow for themselves and having to get used to change and the fear change induces in most people. They are crying because you are not playing along with the fantasy they've built their life around and have come to emotionally depend upon. The change you have made has caused them take a look at themselves differently and they don't like what they're seeing.

    Do not engage in explanations, bargaining, arguments or long discussions with them. To do so would put you in the position of having to defend yourself rather than being in a position of having taken control of your life. Sometimes it's best to only communicate briefly in writing until the emotions die down. You've said what you've said and let them adjust to the new you if they choose to. You can't waste your life being part of this emotional blackmail. It's been taking place long enough.

    Be smart, make goals and keep your nose pointed in the positive direction you want to go in life. Learn from your mistakes rather than let them define who you are. A lot of the moral and other values you learned as a JW can be a benefit if you are balanced about them. Don't toss them all out but make healthy and safe choices on a hourly and daily basis and prove to them all that it can be done.

  • Iown Mylife
    Iown Mylife

    So sorry for the unnecessary pain caused by a ridiculous cult which has no business meddling in family relationships.

    I hope your family will soften up and reach out to you soon. But I agree with you, living with a secret and hiding your true feelings is awful, and I'm glad you could throw off the chains.

    Take care of your health and much happiness to you!

  • Chook

    I can't say much more than what our fellow friends have said, if it makes it any better think of the old timer apostates that had no internet or forums , we are here to help each other with this complex journey. At lest our friends on here aren't claiming to be directed by god with overlapping bullshit. Hang in there , I truly believe this forum has prevented some from taking their own lives and any information that help is good, but plenty have ended their lives based on the family destruction policies of the WT. count yourself lucky.

  • Finally Left
    Finally Left

    Speaking from the parents point of view, I remember when my son left. I cried and cried. You feel like a failure and you are so worried. You ask yourself what is Satan's world going to do to him? He will not be in the new system with us. Honestly it is very difficult for parents.

    With time I saw my son was doing just fine. He had made friends, had a good job. After a while you get used to the idea even though you aren't happy about it. Give them time. Our relationship improved with our son and now we are out of the organization too. A year ago you would never convince me I would be out and posting on an apostate website!! Time changes everything.

    Make good decisions, let your family know you love them and miss them. Let them know you are doing well. Hopefully it will get better.

  • dubstepped

    You are one strong young man. Good for you, it will bode well for your life going forward. I know this hurts, especially the words from your sister and mom, but read what Pete Zahut said above. He nailed it. They are hurting for themselves. My sister talked all kinds of smack about me on social media accounts before we even disassociated. My dad called me and yelled and made no sense, talking himself in circles about "the gays" because apparently years ago I defended them as not making a choice to be gay anymore than I made a choice to be straight, something that apparently stuck with my dad. It was a very abusive interaction that reminded me of my past growing up with him as a father, and elder. They are venting their confusion and stress on you.

    Guilt is "I did a bad thing" and shame is "I am a bad person". You are neither. You did something that any normal family member would be proud of, taking a stand against something so huge. You showed tremendous courage and strength, and we are proud of you. Now you have freedom, but as you know, freedom is never free. It comes with a cost. You've started paying that off.

    If you need advice going forward feel free to reach out to me or post on here. We are here to help. You clearly have a great handle on some things, but you're young and have lots of life skills that you've not yet put to the test. Ask questions and get guidance as needed.

    You, my friend, are in the first day of a new life. A new day has dawned, and everything is possible. It is exciting, but likely scary on some levels. You aren't alone though. Even if your parents and siblings leave you, you are never alone.

Share this