DA myself to relieve great pressure?

by Isambard Crater 32 Replies latest jw friends

  • Finkelstein

    Personally I wouldn't put in a DA unless I was certain that I was really going to leave .

    Whats wrong with being truthfully honest to yourself and those relationships you have at your Hall ?

  • Isambard Crater
    Isambard Crater

    I guess I will console myself knowing that I'm aware of four other Sisters, one who is an elder's wife, who haven't attended a Midweek meeting for over 3 years.

  • cha ching
    cha ching

    Dear IC, as you will agree, all JWs are raised to feel "responsibility" and "be sure to meet your obligations" "carry out your ministry" "baptism is a pledge to Jehovah" ... it is repeated over and over at meetings and conventions, throughout their literature in all kinds of subtle and not so subtle ways, right?

    That is how propaganda works..... That is how brainwashing works... and they know it... that is why they do it.... That is how they get 8 million peope to say "we understand the overlapping generation crap" when they have noooooo idea.....

    The hamster wheel.... all JWs are on it. When you are on the hamster wheel, what can you do? Run? Only see one foot ahead of you? Perfect machine to "keep you busy" in the work of the "Lord"/ WT moneymaking business.

    Once you stop attending, the brainwashing stops, the guilt disappears. Your brain can make new pathways, and realize "it is just a game."

    When I realized "the game" and the lies WT told, I was still going to a few meetings until my family 'got out.' I simply turned in "time" on the "time slip" and felt oh so gooood to give WT what they had given me my whole life..... nothing. It felt great! Write "3 hours, 4 magazines, 1 RV" and do nothing, if you still want to play the game, they have done nothing for you.

    Really, give yourself a break, relax, feel no guilt.. there is NO reason to feel it, you owe 'THEM" nothing... it is just a game.

    breathe, relax, enjoy!

    cha ching!

  • Introvert 2
    Introvert 2

    OP sounds like me a decade ago, and I hung on till I got suicidal. Turns out I was clinically depressed.. I went to a doctor, got the meds and concentrated on my business and hobbies only going to the odd meeting and conventions when I felt like it. Stopped reading the mags they would make me ill as does too much ex JW stuff as well. The less I went and the more I researched the better I felt. Turning point was giving myself permission to look at the society from a critical viewpoint as the OP is now doing. Read Kieth Casarona's New Boy bethel stories right here on the forum and knew right then and there that there MUST be a better way to worship. 2 years later sent in my DA. Was hard at first but got used to it real quick and in retrospect was like giving them a big F U, as they had made me do to the catholic church in writing same DA letter. When I meet any JW now I tell them openly and to their face what I found out about the org. Take back YOUR own power, don't give it away ! God and Christ want what is best for you !

  • Giordano
    • I "have to" stay in the Org and go through the motions for family reasons (my Dad is an Elder and regularly checks on me and also talks to my local Elders)
    So do you reckon I just keep putting in the bare minimum Field Service and going to Sunday meetings, but keep missing midweek meetings and ignore anyone if they give me any shit about it?

    Well if you want to get rid of your 'Elder' Father and your 3 or 4 JW friends then DA yourself.

    Do keep in mind that the announcement ..........'you are no longer a JW' also applies to fornicators, adulterers, thieves, drug addicts, sexual child abusers and the lowest of the low............... apostates.

    No one is going to defend your reputation.

    A fade is usually the best way to go unless you have your own family, wife, kids all of whom no longer want to associate with the JW's. A DA works better if you have a close family.

    Tell Dad your going to take a break for a while, then Just close down any conversations that make you uncomfortable. At the end of a period of time you should have a better insight as to what you want in this life.

    Take a year off and see how you feel. Work out your JW issues in therapy, improve your health, enjoy real friends. Don't argue with anyone about this religion.

    Here's a silly way to think about it. What do you do when the shit hits the fan? You unplug the fan.......... then start the clean up.

  • OnTheWayOut

    Isambard Crater
    I already realised it's not the truth in 2014 and have been stumbling on for family reasons only since then.

    I would assume that it would be easier with family that you are not DA/DF'ed.

    It looks like at a very profound level, you are longing for the elders to "get" what you are going through and to say to you: "We understand; we'll go easy on you. How can we help?"

    Wouldn't it be so healing for you if they did say that!
    Isambard Crater
    I guess I will console myself knowing that I'm aware of four other Sisters, one who is an elder's wife, who haven't attended a Midweek meeting for over 3 years.

    Truly, the elders only have the power we give them. Go back to page 2 and read Steve2's answer again. Regardless of whether you DA or not, I would suggest that you focus on how the elders are unskilled at anything psychological or concerning actual counsel and only know "DO MORE (Meetings, Prayer, Recruiting, Volunteering for the organization, donating money, personal study)!!!"

    If the decision (for family reasons) were to not DA, I would learn to tell the elders off in the firmest way to push them away- "I am fine, I will call you if I need you. Apparently, a man is still spiritually qualified if his wife misses all the midweek meetings, so perhaps I am still spiritual enough. And since you seem to disagree with me, I will not be used for any meeting parts at all."

    Personal counseling would be great. For their own reasons, typically financial, many never get that. I hope you do.

  • LongHairGal


    There are two schools of thought: either Fade or write a DA letter. What works for one person may not work for somebody else. I am a "Fader".

    I liked what you said about the fake time sheet....As you said: you're just giving them what they have given everybody, which is Nothing - (or just call it wishful thinking which is what their teachings are).

    They have been bullshitting their members over a century.

  • notalone

    I have been reading your post for a couple of days. I have been really thinking about the situation you are facing. You have been raised in a cult that controls not just what you do but the way you see yourself and handle decisions. I remember last years video where the 'elder' counseled himself for his thought pattern. 'Bad boy, you know you should never have a negative thought about someone else in the org, unless they don't come to meetings, go out in service, sell their home, pioneer, have negative thoughts or know the secret knock.'

    What other society other than a cult has 50 and 60 year old adults running for permission for their life decisions to a 30 something 'elder'? You are 42. You are an adult. If you want your father, or anyone else to treat you like an adult you are going to have to accept nothing less. DON'T ASK FOR PERMISSION from anyone even us.

    You are afraid, maybe even terrified. I know. We knew for a fact so many things. We knew why things are the way are. We knew where things were headed. We knew what was right and wrong. Now there is uncertainty. You know where you are now. You know what decisions you want to make. That is why you are here. Where you hesitate is fear. Fear of the unknown and fear of the known. Deep down you know how your family and other jw's will react. You want to find a way to make it different, to make them different. This is your choice how they act is their choice.

    Now, the the unknown . Unknown is not bad, it is unknown. You want someone to say everything is going to be okay. If anyone tells you that, they are selling something. There are going to be good days. There are going to be bad days. There are going to be days that go in all directions.In the end we want to look back at our decisions and say we always made the best decision we could at that moment in our life. In 15 years what do you want to look back and see? Do that.

  • Luo bou to
    Luo bou to

    trying to change the attitude of the elders toward you is like putting a flower in an arsholee and calling it a vase

  • rebel8

    DA is playing by their rules.This has the same outcome but does not follow their rules. A small difference, you may say, but think of it as asserting your freedom from their silly rules.

    what I want is for them to outwardly say that if I feel the best I can give means missing midweek meetings til I feel a bit better, that's "ok" as long as I listen on the phone system or something.

    Trying to get your emotional needs met by people who are emotionally unavailable, immature and have a sick power balance with you is a bad idea.

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