DA myself to relieve great pressure?

by Isambard Crater 32 Replies latest jw friends

  • Isambard Crater
    Isambard Crater

    My lifelong mental illnesses, fuelled significantly by the Borg, are very bad at the moment and result in me missing lots of midweek meetings, but I haven't missed a Sunday in years except the occasional vacation.

    The nature of my mental and emotional illnesses mean that I, as a physically in and mentally out PIMO, take to heart very painfully admonishment from the platform to never miss meetings, preach all I can, and so on.

    Okay, I report 3 hours each month on average and no elder has ever said anything, but when they make comments on the platform, I feel such great guilt and shame, but also anger, as they do not understand my illnesses and when I do mention my situation to elders, they kind of minimise and joke about it.

    Some other sisters in my Congregation started "officially" not attending midweek meetings a few year's ago because of their own health circumstances, but I know for a fact that some elders look down on them for this reason, not showing real understanding deep down even if they do on the surface.

    I have reached the point where I want to hand in a DA letter as a cry for help, or more like a clear indicator to them that when I say I'm not well enough to attend midweek, I really mean it and it's not just an excuse. Sure, I'm only 42, but I can still be too fragile to go out at night with a 30 minute drive both ways.

  • Chook

    Isambard, your cry for help is looking to the cause of most of your emotional issues, the Jw church has guilt tripped you in to believing they are the only ones who can help , well you know why you are crying out on here that is to be told no more cult propaganda, mind control, feeling of guilt is what Jw masterminded. Don't touch the the Jw forbidden tree.

  • The Searcher
    The Searcher

    Isambard, you have a P.M.

  • Syme

    If you want to remain in the religion, (for social or faith-based reasons), you shouldn't DA. You should DA only if you don't believe in the religion anymore and don't want to have anything to do with them.

    DA letter is not a cry for help; you won't get any help if you hand this letter -you'll just get shunned, with no sympathy for your mental condition.

    If you want help from the jws, you can get it via the usual jw way: with socializing in the cong, with seeking help from elders etc. However, the only way to deal with mental and serious emotional problems is via therapy with a professional. DA would be a relief from the jw-induced pressure only, it will not be a cure from other issues.

    You could consider the middle ground of fading/going inactive. That's the path I chose, for the time being at least. I just dropped off from every jw thing, and was hugely relieved from jw pressure, and able to go on with my new secular, non-religious life. I don't allow jws any access to my personal space, and they have no choice but to accept it.

  • Isambard Crater
    Isambard Crater

    I already realised it's not the truth in 2014 and have been stumbling on for family reasons only since then.

    When I mentioned a cry for help, I don't really want the elders to help, as "preach more, pray more" isn't the answer for me - but what I want is for them to outwardly say that if I feel the best I can give means missing midweek meetings til I feel a bit better, that's "ok" as long as I listen on the phone system or something.

    What I can't bear is my perception that every time someone on the platform looks in my direction when talking about spiritually weak ones or opportunities to pioneer, that they're thinking and talking about me.

    Since starting to miss lots of mostly midweek meetings, nobody has officially talked to me, arranged a shepherding visit or showed any genuine sign of love and concern. Ironically - and predictably - the only time my group overseer mentioned a a shepherding call was the week the Circuit Overseer was here, just to make the elder look good. So I refused the offer and was busy anyway.

    I guess my fade started in 2014 but I just want to feel more comfortable with it, not feeling the guilt for missing midweek meetings and having to back out of many oh-so-wonderful (sarcasm) field service demonstrations and stuff like that. But because the J.W's don't recognise mental illness, or at least say preaching and praying can really help (note: not if you're PIMO like me), I feel they're always glaring at me and on my back, even if that's just me exaggerating the feelings and perception.

  • zeb

    please,.... seek counselling by a counsellor experienced with cults.

  • HereIgo

    Hello Isambard,

    In my humble opinion, I would not recommend the DA route simply to end the pressure, as you will just be transferring even more power to them. Have you actually decided within yourself that this is not the truth? on your own? once you have reached this point, you will feel less guilt as you by then realized that this is nothing more than a man-made organization who can not judge you, unless you allow them.

  • pbrow

    Should you DA? That is only a choice you can make.

    What help are you going to get from an organization that believes that soon... any day now... right around the corner... god is going to take care of mental health issues? They literally have nothing to offer you!

    Have you ever heard the phrase "when you realize you are digging yourself into a hole, the first step is to put down the shovel?"

    Put the fucking shovel down!! You are shining example of what the org hopes to accomplish with people who have doubts. They have you doubting yourself!!

    Make no mistake... you are by NO MEANS mentally out. They have you right where they want you! You still report field service time, you still care what these asshats say on the platform and you are making excuses for missing meetings.

    You are trapped. You are in a locked room but MAKE NO MISTAKE ABOUT THIS ONE THING.......Your locked room is locked from the INSIDE. You can open it whenever you want and leave it all behind!!

    These people and this organization is toxic. You can cut them out whenever you want!!


  • Onager

    Pbrow pretty much nailed it, but I just want to add that if you think that you can send a letter of disassociation and then continue to go to the meetings and it will take the pressure off then you are very much mistaken!

    If you DA then the eyes will be on you 10 times more. The elders will only want to talk about you returning. Every time you turn up to a meeting will give everyone else a chance to show how holy they are by ignoring you. In short, it's only going to increase the pressure.

    One last point: A letter of DA is still playing by their rules. What's the only way to win at Tic-Tac-Toe? The only way to win is not to play*. If you do want to stop associating with them then... just stop! You don't owe the organisation a single thing. You're not bound by their rules and you don't have to play their games.

    *(with thanks to the film Wargames for the illustration)

  • tepidpoultry

    Hi, mental health issues worsen with stress, you know what YOU find stressful, you need to avoid or lessen these things in your life, what things do you find helpful in managing your stress? maybe reading or watching a peaceful TV program, walk outdoors often, Club Houses for those with mental health issues might be available in your area, Here's a site that many have found helpful: 7cups.com

    All the best to you,

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