DA myself to relieve great pressure?

by Isambard Crater 32 Replies latest jw friends

  • dubstepped

    I disassociated and the relief was amazing. I disagree that it gives them power. They already have power, and faders have to put up with far more bullshit to play their game than those of us that put a bullet in it by disassociating.

    That doesn't mean that YOU should do it. I would certainly recommend counseling and stop attending meetings or reading their literature immediately. If you can't handle that step, you're not ready to disassociate. You think they look down on people that miss meetings, lol. Get some space so that you can make decisions with a clearer head.

    Disassociating shouldn't be a rash decision. You can't unring that bell once you do it. It is a tool though, one that can put an end to the nightmare. I was discouraged by many ex-JWs for considering it, and disassociating was the best decision I've ever made. My wife did the same and feels the same. You have to be prepared for the losses though. We'll never see our family again or our JW friends. It was still extremely hard to do when we did it, but in retrospect we were as ready as we could be. There's no time where it just feels 100% easy. I just know it was worth it.

  • Isambard Crater
    Isambard Crater

    Positive things:

    • I have plenty of proper non-J.W friends and around 3 or 4 J.W 'friends'
    • I have been in counselling for years. They all say the Org is a lot to blame

    Negative things:

    • Like so many on this forum and Reddit, I "have to" stay in the Org and go through the motions for family reasons (my Dad is an Elder and regularly checks on me and also talks to my local Elders)

    So do you reckon I just keep putting in the bare minimum Field Service and going to Sunday meetings, but keep missing midweek meetings and ignore anyone if they give me any shit about it?

  • pbrow

    Isambard Crater,

    Jdubs are awesome at creating adults with low self esteem and low self confidence. I am guessing that you are a born in.

    You are 42 years old. No one is forcing you to stay. No one has a gun to your head. You will face very real consequences for leaving but you will gain your freedom and hopefully lose your guilt. Only you can determine if that is a worthwhile trade off. You have already shown us what you "gain" by being part of this organization.

    "My dad is an elder and regularly checks on me and also talks to my local elders" Every born in here knows what that means and now that we are completely out.... we know how fucked up that statement is.

    You are being piss pounded every day by this cult. That is not right, that is not normal. You are being judged at every sunday talk, by every two faced sister saying "we missed you at the meeting, by every idiot that tells you to focus on service or prayers or meetings. That is not right or normal. You are drowning in a sea of toxic sludge. Remove it from your life like the cancer it is.

    We have been there, we have cared what these people think, we have endured the stares and the talks and nagging guilt that has been pounded in your head for last 42 years. Believe it or not... the stage you are at now is normal. Not knowing which way to go.... shows to me that you are internally questioning "which way do i go"

    Take your time or leave tomorrow. You control that. Start with that control and do what you need to do for yourself.


  • LisaRose

    You say that you know it's not "the truth", but are still looking for approval and permission from the elders to miss meetings? Why? This is an organization that publishes accounts of brothers in Africa who walk miles and cross alligator infested rivers to get to the Kingdom Hall, why would you imagine the elders, who have no education or training in mental illness, are ever going to give you permission to miss meetings due to mental health issues? They have been trained to believe that their are no good reasons to miss the meetings.

    I believe this religion is toxic to sensitive, guilt prone individuals. Instead of looking for approval from the elders, work on freeing yourself from Watchtower induced guilt, the elders only have the power that you give them.

    I highly recommend meditation, it has been very helpful to me.

  • DesirousOfChange

    what I want is for them to outwardly say that if I feel the best I can give means missing midweek meetings til I feel a bit better, that's "ok"

    I do you one better.............I will personally tell you that it is OK to miss midweek meetings for the time being. In fact, God's Word tells you that in many ways and in many scriptures.

    Heb 6:10 -- God will not forget the love you have shown for him in the past when you were able to do more when you had better physical and mental health

    Ps 103:14 -- God is mindful that we are "dust" and that we have limitations. The imperfect Elders may judge you wrongly if you cannot attend midweek meetings now, but God will not.

    Heb 4:15 -- God & Christ are able to understand your weaknesses (even if the Elders do not).

    Relax. Life is a gift. Enjoy it. Do not let the Elders cause you to be discouraged or depressed. They are untrained and unskilled in helping people.

  • pbrow

    Nicely said DOC

  • steve2

    It looks like at a very profound level, you are longing for the elders to "get" what you are going through and to say to you: "We understand; we'll go easy on you. How can we help?"

    Wouldn't it be so healing for you if they did say that!

    Perhaps your early steps towards your own freedom need to involve looking at your own deep need for their understanding and acceptance of you - and beginning to accept that it is incredibly unlikely they will ever understand and accept you as you are.

    Reality checks can be so helpful. Your legitimate need to be heard, understood and accepted needs to first come from within you by means of personal therapy work. It is a slow process but it will be of so much use to you as you go through your life.

    It will bring understanding to your deep needs.

    You will see parallels of what you are going through in so many groups and relationships.

    For example, battered women often remain in relationships with their abusers because at a deep level they need their abusers understanding and approval - as twisted as it sounds.

    Yet, just as women can be helped through skilful counselling and psychological therapies to build their own meaningful lives aways from their abusers, so you can begin to learn how to build your own meaningful life away from the local JW elders.

  • Old Navy
    Old Navy

    It is very sad that the fear-based-mind-control-techniques utilized by the WTborg are able to penetrate so deeply into the psyche. It is distressing and painful to to observe how those fears can, even years after leaving The Cult, create turmoil and deprive the afflicted of true happiness and Love.

    Fortunately, I was able to break free by an escape route through the Navy before the "programming" took control. Even then, nagging doubts about Armageddon and the possibility that WTborg were as they say. Finally, reading the Word of the Bible with the mind of a child, putting all doctrine embedded by WTborg out of though, enabled me to discover the truth of what is written. It is a great relief to find it is written that All shall be saved, Not a single one will be left out or forgotten. The penalty for sin is death, at which time the penalty is paid, and there is no such thing as eternal destruction or disqualification from the resurrection.

    I know, many struggle with these thoughts too, But once the sacred secrets are revealed the Good News becomes Really Good News!

    There are Bible Truth resources available on the Web which assist unbelievers in comprehending the Simple Truths of what is written and how Christendom (including WTborg) has badly distorted those truths, for any who may be interested in learning.

  • fred1

    Your original post sounds like a big cry for help. Have you seen a Doctor? I was born into a family badly effected by clinical depression. When I first spoke to a mental health professional and was told I had this I couldn't believe it. Me? Depressed? I had no idea what depression really was.

    For your own good - get some help. If you are experiencing clinical depression medications can really help. If that's not what it is a still think seeing a good counselor will help.

    I have never been a JW so I don't feel qualified to respond to your DA question. Other posters can help with that issue. Yes, I'm sure the controlling and repressive atmosphere of JWdom can really get to a person.

  • Crazyguy

    Don't do that , that's just stupid. Stop going to all midweek meetings and then go to less and less Sundays. If they say something just blame it on your health and leave it at that. Then go out and enjoy life.

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