For those without mothers

by Lady Lee 59 Replies latest jw friends

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    Rayvn It sounds to me like you missed out on a lot and therefore it isn't surprising there is so much anger and pain.

    Little girls need someone to take care of them, to love them, to hold them. It sounds like the people who were responsible for you had their hands full of so many other things that you sort of got lost. And it hurts to be a lost child.

    You didn't deserve that but so many of us walk away from families like that that we somehow think we must have done something that even our own mother couldn't love us.

    It wasn't until I was in my 40's that I could even begin to look at the mothering I got. I am angry at her for not doing her job, for not loving me and caring for me, for walking away and pushing me away.

    But deep down inside there was a little girl who still ached for a mother to love her. I know my mom isn't capable of it - not because of the JW issues but because of her lack of a mother and the abuse in her early childhood. She too went through a lot but can't deal with it. And at 70 yrs old I wouldn't expect her to.

    I give that little girl inside me what she didn't get - love security and a lot of attention when she needs it

    Take care of yourself this week Ravyn. You deserve it

  • mattnoel

    Brought a tear to my eye too.

    I miss my Mum terribly, she died suddenly in '98 and I dont think there is a day that goes by where I dont think of her in some way. Its funny because whenever I dream at night, no matter what I dream, Mum is still there. So much has happened since she died, I left the witnesses (Angers and saddens me, she didnt get that chance), I am settled in a strong relationship with our own home together, I have a really good job, with good prospects. There is so much I just wish she could see, I know she would of been hurt that I left but she would of come round and she would of loved my partner as my Dad does.

    Sounds horrible and uncaring but I have not been back to the crematoriam since the funeral but I find it too painfull, I believe that Mum can see me somewhere and her way of telling me she is there is in my dreams.

    Only one thing I can say is "Mum, I love you"


    Mothers Day is this Sunday.

    There are people on here who obviously have lost mothers, and truly loved and adored them.

    There are others who have mothers who are active JWs, thus the moment of 'Mothers Day' is lost.

    My mother, she's alive, but it was obvious the last time I saw her, something was not right.

    My mother has had a rough go of it, but she's a very bitter woman. She's also showing signs of either dementia or mental health problems. She's a person, my mother in a human form, but there's no one home.


    But for those who have wonderful Moms, I hope you all have a Happy Mothers Day.

    Best wishes.

  • pr_capone

    My mom and I dont have a very good relationship anymore. When I decided to leave the troof a year and a half ago, I was the bad son. I was disowned and told that I was not welcome at their home. I was told that I was a disapointment and that I wouldnt amount to anything. I didnt get to see my little brother but maybee 10 times in the span of one year.

    Although she is no longer JW herself, she has yet to apologize. The closest she has come to an apology is.... lets just forget this all happened. She will also excuse herself by saying she was under the control of the JW. Its understandable but she never once apologized for the way she treated me.

    I grew up with a father who didnt care about me... it killed me when my mom acted the same way. Its been a few months now that she has been out of the troof but I am still so hurt inside. I simply cannot celebate mothers day. That day is reserved for mothers who actually love their kids and put them before all else.

    Anyone want to adopt me???

    Kansas District Overbeer

  • mattnoel

    Pr - I guess I could adopt you as a big bro !

    Would that help

  • JH

    Being a Dub for many years, I didn't say happy mother's day to my mother since years. She never was a JW, so she must have found it hard not to hear nice words on mother's day. My sister year after year celebrated mother's day and phoned my mom every time and made her a gift.

    I felt stupid not doing anything on mother's day. I think It's time that I join the family in celebrating mother's day. She will be surprised.

    My mother is still alive and well, so I won't wait for her to be gone to celebrate her on that day.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    Razorblade I too have a hard time celebrating Mother's Day. I agree with your words "there's no one home" That is exactly how she is. I wish it was different and even wish I didn't need to celebrate but I do for my kids.

    pr_capone I am glad to hear your mother is out but how sad that she can't say those simple words that so many of us long to hear "Im sorry". Just know that is her issue not yours.

    What strikes me here in these few posts is the degree of pain in these women who cannot be or don't know how to be mothers. As angry as I am at her I do find times when I feel truly sorry for her. She never knew real love and the love I offered could not be accepted.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    JH Now THAT brought tears to my eyes. Go for it bud and I hope you get to do it in person

  • Mulan

    I bought a gift and card for my Mom, who is a loyal dub. She would be hurt if I didn't. It means something to her, amazingly.

    I also sent a card to my aunt, whose daughter died of cancer a year and a half ago. My cousin always sent her a Mother's Day card, even though her Mom was still a loyal dub. She looked forward to those cards, and I don't want her to be too sad on Sunday. She has a son still alive, but he is a dub too, so will not likely do a thing for her, and she lives with him. I hope it's a happy day for her.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    Good for you Mulan sounds like it will be bittersweet for your aunt

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