Rayvn It sounds to me like you missed out on a lot and therefore it isn't surprising there is so much anger and pain.
Little girls need someone to take care of them, to love them, to hold them. It sounds like the people who were responsible for you had their hands full of so many other things that you sort of got lost. And it hurts to be a lost child.
You didn't deserve that but so many of us walk away from families like that that we somehow think we must have done something that even our own mother couldn't love us.
It wasn't until I was in my 40's that I could even begin to look at the mothering I got. I am angry at her for not doing her job, for not loving me and caring for me, for walking away and pushing me away.
But deep down inside there was a little girl who still ached for a mother to love her. I know my mom isn't capable of it - not because of the JW issues but because of her lack of a mother and the abuse in her early childhood. She too went through a lot but can't deal with it. And at 70 yrs old I wouldn't expect her to.
I give that little girl inside me what she didn't get - love security and a lot of attention when she needs it
Take care of yourself this week Ravyn. You deserve it