@stuckinarut2 - Oh man, the lost opportunities. Not just education and career, but dating and figuring out who we were in relationships, the lost chance to play sports and learn to be part of a team, the basic loss of childhood innocence while the weight of the world and saving it was put on our shoulders, I could go on and on.
I hate fakery at this point so much that I cannot enjoy fictional movies. To suspend disbelief is a struggle. But the other day I went to YouTube and watched a video of all the best cartoons from the 80's. I realized quickly that before my parents became cult members I absolutely loved fantasy and fiction. So many cartoons of magic and wonder, a part of me that they crushed out of existence. I've been told my whole life that I'm too serious, and those fuckers are a big part of it. Not just the cult aspects of my parents, but their joyless denial of the realities of life, their whole lives spent playing roles and not being real, and my realization as a child that make believe lives are bitterly unhappy, all combined to make me dislike even fun whimsy and robbed me of so much joy. I'm trying to get some of that back.
That last sentence struck a nerve, trying to get things back. I'm so sick of being behind in life, trying to catch up in so many aspects because of them. Adulthood has been a deep dive to suicidal depression followed by a nine year constant battle to figure out literally everything I know about life because they taught me virtually nothing.