Trying to be positive....... (page 2)

Unstuck

Thanks so much everyone!

Steve 2 - what fantastic advice! Thank you so much - I will indeed do exactly as you say and have that discussion with my psychologist. Didn't think of that at all - but it seems so obvious now to state that I am not ready to "find the gold in the cup of vomit" (brilliant description by the way!) but need to process the emotion first.

Thanks too Doc. And you are right. I am young enough to still get as much as I can out of life. Stuckinarut2 and I are enjoying exploring new things together - you know, hot cross buns aren't all that bad!! We celebrated New Year's for the first time - had a blast!

Joyzabel - great advice, thank you! We went on an Amazon shopping spree and bought "Exiting the JW Cult". I haven't got to it yet, I'm wading through "Crisis of Conscience" and hubby has just about finished "The Reluctant Apostate". We also bought Steven Hassan's "Combatting Mind Control" which I'm looking forward to getting to but I HAD to start with Ray Franz. Although, that ain't helping the anger much I have to admit!

Thanks dubstepped for sharing your thoughts. That has given me something to think about and I'm looking forward to getting to know the "good company" here.

Confusedandangry - I feel for you. I can't imagine going through this without my hubby. I feel like I'm bursting and if I couldn't share it with him...... I'm sorry that your husband still believes it is the truth. All I can suggest is patience, patience, patience and dropping little comments and questions that perturb you. That is what Stuckinarut2 did with me. He would mention something like the Professor Rama Singh out-of-context quote in the January 2015 Awake and how it was then removed - and leave it with me. He wouldn't say anything further. But what he said, and the fact that it was indisputable, really disconcerted me. But it took quite a lot of mulling before I could dare to question the organisation and let myself research. The other thing that struck me was the Stuckinarut2 was so much happier and relaxed! His behaviour did much to make it easier for me to go through the course I needed to. I suppose you could say that he "won me without a word!" Make sure that he sees you happy and well-adjusted. As Doc said above: the greatest revenge is living a happy and successful life! He will have to wonder......

Love you too Stuckinarut2 :kissing_heart:

Wasanelder Once

They are not responsible for your anger. That is a choice you are making. Let it go. Disappointment? Yes, but don't linger long there either. Take your husband out to lunch, or a picnic and look forward. Don't let them drag you down. You are free now so revel in it. Wish someone "happy goddamn birthday"! Welcome here by the way.

longgone

Welcome! Your anger is justified, they betrayed us in so many ways. Regarding therapy, I had a similar problem. I agree with Steve 2, they don't necessarily understand how damaged we are from this religion. This forum has been so helpful because everyone here has experienced living in a cult. I'm glad you have made your way out.

stuckinarut2

Well said longgone and steve2!

smiddy

Welcome unstuck a great first post by you.Its truly a blessing to use that expression that you and hubby are now both on the same page..Thats a real bonus .Steve2 makes some good points your physchologist is probably like many people who really dont appreciate the control the JW religion has over their followers. HE/SHE probably just think its another religion like the catholics or the church of England and the problem is really with you and not the religion ,if that makes sense .I cant go past Don Camerons "Captives Of A Concept" for debunking the whole JW religion I know you have a lot of suggestions to read but I highly recomend that one.

My wife and I and two boys have been out for over 20 years now .

All the best to you both

Simon

First, welcome to the forum ! :)

Second, it sounds like you're being hard on yourself - why? You are not the one who's taken advantage of someone's good nature and desire to do what they believe is right and good ...

I think we all beat ourselves up way too much. Yeah, it's easy, "how could I be so stupid!", but we're not the first and we sure as hell won't be the last. These groups specialize in doing what they do and manipulating people, the majority of people have no warning or training on how to counter it.

Now you know, now you can help other people in different ways, now you can live your life and do what you want to do.

Unstuck

Hi Simon, Smiddy, Longgone & Wasanelder Once,

You have all given me something to think about - in a good way, thank you. Simon, you're pretty much on the mark. I am hard on myself, always have been. But here is the thought that is running around in my head - am I hard on myself because that is my personality default OR is it a result of childhood indoctrination? This rather twisted organisation teaches you from the cradle that you are sin-ridden and it is only because of undeserved love that you have any chance. So you constantly berate yourself for not being good enough.

I suppose I shouldn't get too hung up on it though - because either way it is within the power of my hand to choose to continue to be hard on myself or to learn to relax it. I'm probably just overthinking it all cos the brain is in hyperdrive.

I'm really grateful for this forum. It is tremendously relieving to be able to unburden yourself to those that YOU KNOW understand it. I don't have to explain it - you get it!

I look forward to the months and years ahead, developing new friendships and being able to return the help that I am getting.

Love and light to all out there! :)

jwfacts

Welcome and great to see your first post. I struggle with the same question. I had a lot of great experiences as a JW. But would I have learnt the same without going through the difficulties of being raised in a cult. I'll never know. What I do know is that I now know a lot of people that have great lives that didn't need to go through the trauma and loss that I experienced as a JW.

Ruby456

hi unstuck nice to meet you

sounds like you have a very good psychologist as it seems to me that she does not think that Jehovah's witnesses are all about making victims of people as if this was true it would denigrate your own ability as an adult to be in charge of your own life to some extent. so perhaps by asking you if there was anything positive about your experiences while you were a witness she is feeling her way towards asking you the sort of questions that would help you to trust your instincts and build on those. edit: don't take it that your psych is trying to make you be more positive. best thing to do is to ask her why she asking you that question. I'm willing to bet she is asking because she wants to start building on your strengths.

your morality, your giving nature in volunteering etc. all that - although you question the goals, as you say in your opening post, to which they were put. those are all positives reflections on your personality. And yes you are bigger and better than the watchtower but they were drawing on your very own kindness, generosity and love

children who are brought up in front of the telly, playing computer games all day long, absorbed in themselves (okay I'm exaggerating) will grow up with a different set of values very different from you.

btw we all love to give advice - so please take every thing with a pinch of salt including online advice from our resident psychologist as most want to move on from being a victim - indeed the very idea of being a victim may be new to you.

tor1500

Hi Unstuck,

Great news....I know your husband is so happy for you. I'm a witness. Not for that long...I've seen and heard a lot in the short time I've been. You are looking for something positive... Did you meet any of the friends that were not fake ? Did you go to some of the gatherings and had some fun....You have so many questions to answer. But if you really think about it...it wasn't all bad. It's that you put all your eggs in one basket...and decided to live in la la land.

Unstuck, you can go to any place of worship and you will be lied to...they just like the org. cherry pick the bible. Places of worship are to bring peace to you....The scriptures are supposed to help you through whatever you are going through. Unstuck you have to admit some of the stores did help us through some of our trials....

Don't be angry...you made someone else responsible for your spiritual life...as many witnesses do...many times we blame others for our short coming...What you CAN do that is positive once you forgive yourself and stop blaming the org. Get a healthy mind...get a healthy out look on life and people...Life is short...don't waste it being angry...What you can do is help others like you. If you decide to stay at the hall, be avail. for the friends to talk to...Some of them are awake, but have no where to go...they are Stuck....I know...many of the witnesses talk to me because I'm not judgmental, whatever they tell me stays with me...Don't hate God...hold on to something...many on different sites say they don't want no part of God...but man needs something to believe in...why do you think we have Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy and so on...that's man...they want to believe in something other than themselves...so why not God/Jesus...The bible is just saying to love God and to Love others...that's the moral of the bible...and don't do nothing to nobody you don't want done to you...but to be honest morals are taught from the home....you should know how to treat people even before you step into a church, that's basic home training...

I'm seeing from many post that many JW parents left a lot of basic training of their kids to the org....that's the first mistake...in NYC, many of the teachers find it hard to teach because the parents don't train their children the basics at home they want the teachers to do it...so the teachers can't teach because they are too busy trying to teach the just how to tie their shoes....So I think many witness parents, just dress their kids up and leave everything up to the org.

I too would like to leave the org. not because it's not the truth, because as I said on this site before, the truth is in you...we can't leave that up to anyone but ourselves...the truth is not in a org or in a doctrine.....the bible will bring out the truth about you...

Be positive...and help others that wake up like you did....but help them not to be angry....it's a waste of time...

Tor

Trying to be positive.......

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