Hello and welcome to the forum. I can relate to what you're going through. You're now awake and can enjoy life without guilt and fear from 7 men in New York. You may find in the next few months you'll be suprised that you ever followed this "religion" and even more surprised the witnesses dont see what you see.
Trying to be positive.......
by Unstuck 32 Replies latest members private
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pale.emperor
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Listener
It's so wonderful to hear from you Unstuck, who would have imagined this when Stuckinarut first started posting. It's been a lot of work and difficulties for both of you.
I don't know if someone has already mentioned it but you should find out how much experience your physiologist has had in dealing with people leaving a cult. Having read past experiences it is important that they do understand your feelings and properly understand how you had been captive in a cult perspective and that you were basically in an abusive situation. If it is little it may be worth looking for someone with more experience in dealing with your situation.
A very big warm welcome. -
Still Totally ADD
Welcome Unstuck to the forum. You and your husband have many, many happy years ahead of you. With that in mind give yourself the time you need to heal. I look at it as having a broken leg. I did not blame the leg for breaking. I understood it was the circumstances that broke my leg. I was not at fault. I understand you are a born-in into the WT. This is circumstances that was beyond your control. I am just saying beating yourself up on why you did not wake up sooner or was their anything positive being in the Borg just hurts you more than helps. It took all of us time to heal and focus on what we want with our life's. Use that time. I am positive with the help of your husband, this forum and even professional help you will come out of it a much better person. I can tell you thanks to my wife and this forum was the guidelines I needed to become my real self. Good luck to you and your husband on this wonderful journey you are on. Still Totally ADD
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Doubting Bro
Welcome!! Everytime I see a husband and wife wake up together just makes me happy! Here's to one family the WTS didn't destroy
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EyesOpenHeartBroken
Welcome! How wonderful for you and hubby to both be out. I am still working on mine....patience,patience.
I agree that finding positives with the religion is difficult to impossible, especially when you first awaken. I also tend to agree with the posters that have said your therapist may not realize how all-encompassing being a JW is. You are not just unplugging from a philosophy, but your lifestyle, community, and possibly family. It is really BIG!
When I first learned TTATT, I was heartbroken and depressed. Then the more I thought about things, the more the anger would bubble up. I became snappy with my husband and kids. That couldn't go on. For me, I needed to acknowledge my anger and dwell in it. I needed to get it out there. The challenge was and is, that I am the only awake person in my family. I knew that I could not help my husband wake up until dealt with my anger ( I had already dumped some TTATT in an emotional irrational way--it was not productive). So I scheduled daily time to be angry (by myself). Sometimes physical (punching pillows), verbal (shouting at JW broadcast, journaling). I made myself specifically name what made me angry and why. It was helpful to get these things out of my mind, even if I was just shouting into the air or at a GB members face on the screen. This odd method really helped me to release a lot of anger, which was hurting me emotionally and physically. I still get angry, but I don't schedule my "angry sessions" near as often.
I am not a therapist, but this has helped me as I have dealt with my anger in solitude. But I truly don't believe you can get to "good" without acknowledging and being present with the grief, which will include anger and deep sadness.
Dealing with the negative emotions can feel heavy, so finding levity and sensory pleasing activities is soul healing. Some ideas:
Gourmet cooking, painting, excercising, random acts of kindness, exercise, listening to music, dancing, silliness with with kids, anything that makes you laugh, sex with hubby...
Also, there is a really funny exjw comedian--Deborah Francis White and some of Lloyd Evans videos about JW broadcasts are really funny. Laughing at some of the pettiness and foibles of the org was a good release for me.
All the best to you on your journey of healing. I look forward to hearing more from you.
If you feel comfortable answering:
Was there anything besides the ARC transcripts that chipped away at you? Also, what was the tipping point that let you allow yourself to go there?
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Cold Steel
Unstuck ยป See, you can only volunteer to Watchtower. Volunteering to "worldly" organisations is a waste of time because their efforts are all going to fail because the kingdom is the only solution.
In other words, they keep you on a short leash, and that allows them to maintain control. That's why what you're doing now is so tough. If they can control your ability to interact with others, they can control you. They can turn your friends and family against you, they can turn pressure on or off. The second you align yourself with worldly people, the WTS loses the ability to control you through them; therefore, they will discourage any sort of contact.
The primary weapon the WTS uses against its people are friends and family. Get out of line and they push the button. If your associates are worldly people, they can help you and sustain you in times of difficulty because their friendship is not conditional on your compliance with the Society. So the Society undermines them. If they begin to be too supportive, the Society will certainly crank up its opposition to the level necessary to get you to abandon them. They draw a line and put Jehovah on one side and your true friends on the other and force you to choose (and heaven help you if you choose the wrong side).
I've never been a JW but I've seen how they operate and am amazed by their inability to defend their primary claim to legitimacy, which is that Jesus chose them in 1918, invisibly. On that basis alone, how they maintain a body of believers is beyond me.
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3rdgen
Unstuck, WELCOME!!!
What wonderful news it was to read from Stuck that you were now awake but how much BETTER to meet you now. Your account was so descriptive and eloquent!
I woke up 5 years ago at age 60 shortly after hubby, Baalamsass. IMHO, what you are feeling is, while unfortunate, perfectly understandable and common under the circumstances. Reading "Combatting Cult Mind Control" really helped me to transfer the blame I had toward myself to the WTBT$ where it squarely belongs. It also helped me forgive my parents as they were born in as well.
I was already seeing a therapist when I awoke. I had recently been through some tragic deaths in my family including the accidental death of my 21 yo son, I had a stalker, I am an adult child of an alcoholic and drug addict etc. etc. Suddenly in the midst of unloading all my baggage to my therapist, I learn TTATT! Result? I started becoming very forgetful on top of the usual symptoms. However, I want to tell you what my therapist said to me when all I said to her was "On top of everything else I've lost my religion." She asked, "What religion? "Jehovah's Witnesses" I said, She exclaimed, "Jehovah's Witnesses are a CULT! She not only KNEW about them, she GOT IT. Consequently, I was helped tremendously.
If, after BRIEFLY explaining the cult nature of JW's she doesn't completely grasp the trauma you are experiencing, I suggest you find another therapist. You deserve to be understood by the person you are PAYING for help.
Something else I have observed these past 5 years is that (generally speaking) the more a person has invested/sacrificed for the WTBT$ the harder it is to cope with TTATT. You spent 10 YEARS pioneering which is a HUGE sacrifice.among the many others. You don't immediately wake up from all that - it is a process- just like any other form of grief. There are stages and there are good days and not so good days. However, unlike death, it doesn't have to be permanent. You can and WILL come out of all this stronger and happier than you have ever been!
My very best to you both. Please keep posting. HUGS
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stuckinarut2
Thank you all for your wonderful comments on this thread!
I cant tell you all how happy I am that Unstuck has awoken to TTATT.
And what is so wonderful too is that while I may have shared some things carefully, this was a journey that my dear wife took on her own - and I respect that so much!
To allow the ones dearest to us to respectfully travel their own journey is such an important thing.
Our relationship has never been stronger that it is now, as we allow ourselves the opportunity to grow, without simply being a WT clone and fitting the mould of our "roles" as we were "supposed" to !
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EdenOne
A heartfelt and warm welcome to the forum, Unstuck!
I'm so glad that you and Stcukinarut2 made it out of the cult. It makes a huge difference when both in the couple can do it. I am very grateful that everyone in my household got out, and in particular I am glad that the cult didn't cause permanent and irreversible damage to my son's life. I don't know how I would cope with the guilt if it had been the case.
Anger is something that we go through after we leave the cult, but avoid the mistake to direct that anger towards yourself in the form of self-loathing. That is the product of a lifetime of indoctrination by the WTS, where ultimately YOU, hopeless imperfect sinner, are to be blamed - never Jehovah, never Christ, never the organization, never the GB, not the elders, etc. You need to escape this pattern of thinking. You were the victim. Direct your negative energy away from yourself, and this forum is a great venue to vent and be understood by others who experienced the same, while helping countless others who anonymously are reading and figuring their own way out of this destructive cult. You can become an anti-WTS militant, but frankly, what you ultimately should aspire is to leave the WTS and their shadow behind you, and live a happy and meaningful life. In time, you will slowly get to terms with what happened to you and move on to more positive things.
I never required therapy - this forum was the greatest help during my journey out of the cult. Not many therapists are prepared to understand and to help dealing with the traumas of leaving a high-control cult whereas here you are among a population that knows exactly how you feel and are ready to offer you valuable support. However, if you experience depression or panic attacks due to anxiety get help from a clinical psychiatrist.
One trap to avoid: Just because we escape a destructive cult, doesn't mean life will become great and wonderful and meaningful. It just means you were given a new blank canvas to start painting on it. What you will do with it is now up to you, and it can be a challenge. But ... challenge accepted!
Great to have you here!
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never a jw
Welcome!, Great post!Never been in your shoes and yet I am very angry at the leaders of the Watchtower everyday for deceiving, manipulating, exploiting, killing (blood transfusions and preventable suicides), robbing young ones of their dreams, etc.
Positives from having been a JW: if you are surrounded by good, gregarious and helpful JW's, as my JW family is, then your life in the org was happy, deluded perhaps, but emotionally positive.
The tough part is the transition. However, you are lucky because your husband is there with you. With his support you will breeze through it. Why look to the past with anger when you are still young and with a bright future in front.