Someone anonymously tipped the elders?

by raven 70 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Ghiagirl
    I was in a similar situation, sorry to say it is probably your mom that said something or will. My parents did! Nobody liked the fact my now husband and I were dating so they starting something they probably now  regret. It ultimately led to my husband being disfellowshipped we had shortly before stopped attending meetings and they chased us down like they were goddamn police like you said. Constant calls, texts, emails, showing up at our house unannounced and ultimately sending a certified letter letting my husband know he got disfellowshipped. The difference is I was pregnant, so there is proof right there we were "sinning." But we walked away and didn't want to be jws before I even knew I was pregnant. But because my parents made an issue before, I feel the one over zealous elder felt he needed to finish us. Horrible experience. Hopefully ignoring them they will leave you alone, you live far away I doubt they care. But if your mom makes an issue it may change things. Good luck!
  • Giordano

    This is the reason you go to an attorney its just about the only way you will stop the procedure. You pay the Attorney so that they know your serious. Even if your not. You could also threaten your Mother if you want to back her up.

    "A legal threat will require the Elders to seek direction from WT but as the threat is not directed at WT or its assets (cong), then WT will often advise the Elders that they are on their own so they may not wish to proceed with the matter especial if you are not identified as a JW in your new area.

    Since you no longer live within those elder's congregation territory, why would they wish to stick their necks-out as legal action would require a legal defense. If WT is not backing them, legal costs would be entirely at each individual elder family's personal expense."

  • problemaddict 2
    problemaddict 2


    Noone can say how this will go because it really depends on the elders. Truth is you should have never told your parents what you did. Once you tell people, you kind of open yourself up. But.....whats done is done, so here is my gentle advise IF you are trying to avoid the big D. If you don't care, you know what to do.

    1) Your parents are going to put the org above you. Sad but true. Most of us would have done the same at one time. I personally would not tell them the truth. I would say you lied to them before. You don't live with someone. Or tell them you got married. None of anyones business. I don't know. Whatever you want to do.

    2) They need 2 witnesses, and if they are going to use them, they have to be named. They cannot use "anonymous" witnesses. You always have the "right" to face your accuser. So just deny it. If nobody has your address, and you live an hour and a half away, deny it. Bothers call you, you can invite them to eet you at a starbucks 100 miles in your direction, to tell them no you don't live with anyone. Act harrassed. You haven't been to any meetings, aren't causing trouble, and don't appreciate being "policed". You know they love you and want to help you and you have their number.

    3) Stay away from loaded language or direct questions like "do you want to be a JW anymore"? Answer I have been a JW all my life, I will let you guys know if I would like your help. DOn't be tricked into it, simply deny the allegations, and if they won't even provide the name of the accuser, it has no validity. Explain, you would like to be left alone, and you consider this bordering on harassment. You aren't bothering anyone, and live far away. this is causing you undue stress, and you don't appreciate it.

    Anyways.....there is my 2 cents.

  • StephaneLaliberte

    problemaddict 2: Sounds all good to me :)

  • StephaneLaliberte
    If I draw from my own personal experience: I am always very friendly with JWs. I'm even helpful when I can. And than, I lie straight to their face whenever I need to. Heck, these people are frequently lied to by the watchtower and they like it on a daily basis! I know it sounds condescending, but the reality is: they just want to be happy and generally ignore the inconvenient lie.

  • problemaddict 2
    problemaddict 2

    I don't like to lie. it isn't part of my character. But my mother is old. I don't want to cause her pain. So I would lie to spare her of that. its the loving thing to do. In this case, I would lie to stop a great injustice that would affect my life, my potential children, my parents, and others. If Raven isn't causing harm, I say do what you have to, to finish out your fade.

  • StephaneLaliberte

    problemaddict 2: Please note that the circumstance under which I am advising to lie are very specific. There are elders threatening raven with emotional violence: Coercing families to shun relatives is evil and worst than the majority of the sins JWs preach against.

    When I started my fade, I called and met my close relatives and friends and told them exactly what I was going to do. That I did not believe in the teachings of the watchtower and had decided to fade. I don't lie to people I love and respect. The way I saw it, if two of them would've sat before me in a JC to accuse me, twice (appeal JC), than, clearly, I chose the wrong friends and didn't mind not talking to them at all.

    In the end, I believe we need to be truthful. Truth generally is the best way. You can walk with your head up on high and not worry about keeping up a web of lies.

    However, when I see elders wanting to coerce my loved ones to ignore me based on twisted biblical logic... all of a sudden, I become very creative and say whatever they want to hear. :) And than, as they walk away, I have that feeling where I could spit on the floor and curse at them.

  • Gefangene

    About the lying that you are married. Tell them you got married abroad in your husbands original country and are still in the process of registering your marriage in the usa. Fake the foreign cert.

  • notjustyet

    Maybe your mother made up the story of a person ratting you out to cover over her actions. Possibly it was here that spilled the beans.

    A little misinformation to keep you from shutting her out.


  • KateWild

    I am finally up to date with your story. Sorry things haven't gone so well.

    I went to my last JC as I was prepared about what I wanted to say and recorded it. It was cathartic for me.

    But if you feel uncomfortable and it's an invasion just ignore all their demands......they have no power over you.

    Hopefully your mum will always stay in touch.

    Kate xx

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