Someone anonymously tipped the elders?

by raven 70 Replies latest jw experiences

  • raven

    So here an update on my current situation, in a nutshell I've been trying to quietly fade for the past 5 months.. Well, my mom somehow found out that I am currently fading and that I live with my boyfriend (for more info on this check my previous posts) I told her yes I live with him and yes I no longer want to be a JW. Anyways, yesterday she met my boyfriend.. Awkward. And after lunch she pulled me aside to tell me that the PO came up to her (he was part of my JC when I was reproved) he said to her "someone came to me and said - I cannot say who so they will remain anonymous- but that your daughter is living with someone" my mom confirmed and apparently he told her that I have one week to confess this, and if I don't my parents are obligated to tell them everything.. What kind of nonsense is that? I'm an adult and not under their roof, so why would they be obligated to explain? Also- it's bugging me because my quiet fade has been RUINED and if I speak with the elders I'll be DFd.. I have no idea who anonymously tipped the elders especially since I live over 100 miles away from the territory now, there's no way anyone would know.. Plus I don't speak with any of the cong. So I'm just confused and not sure what to do. I know for a fact I'm not going back and that I NEED to do what makes me happy.. I wish I was never born into this religion because it's caused me so much greif, lies, confusion, crisis of identity. I could go on, I just wish to be left alone to live and not have to report everything to elders.. They're not the police and I don't feel they're obligated to know anything.. What should I do? Confess to the PO so that I have control of what he knows? Risk being disfellowshipped? Or blow them off and let my mom tell them everything (even though she shouldnt, like I said I don't live under her roof) and then not reply to any of their texts or calls if I'm called into a JC?

    Please help me, I'm just an emotional mess..

  • Tenacious
    Hey there. I would not worry about it. If you are no longer attending or identifying yourself as a Jehovah's Witness according to what governing body member Geoffrey Jackson testified to the Australian Royal Commission the elders should not be bothering you and should leave you alone. I would send them either the video or the transcript with a big friendly fyou. I hope this alleviates your worries.
  • ToesUp


    Please tell your mother. Your attorney has advised you. You will not be meeting with the elders unless your attorney is present. A written statement from your accuser(s) must be presented to your attorney three weeks before any meeting. Please provide the name(s) of all elders that will be present during the meeting.

    Don't give them control. It is your life and you have rights too! They hate it when you mention lawyer or attorney.

    Enjoy your life !

  • DJS

    Get an attorney, as others have suggested, to prepare and send them a letter that states you won't be subject to any of their judicial processes and that you will sue them if they take any congregational, df -ing actions against you.

    In hindsight, a 5 month fade that includes moving in with your BF was not a very good idea. Since you call it a fade we can assume you have been sporadically attending meetings, etc. during this time.

    If so, you have placed yourself squarely in their crosshairs. Good luck. See an attorney.

  • konceptual99

    This is typical behaviour. Someone repeats a rumour to an elder and then they go asking questions of others to try and verify the rumour. By JWs own interpretation of the bible it's not scriptural.

    The scriptural (if you really want to call it that) process is that the person who first comes up with the information should approach the person and only go to the elders if the person does not listen to them.

    The elders should then approach the person and find out the facts.

    In cases like this the original person who comes up with the info either does not exist or the elders know it's all just a rumour. Instead of telling the person to go and approach the one supposedly doing wrong, they try and find out more using sneaky techniques or by pressing others (e.g. your mum).

    Your mum could just have easily said it's not of her business and the elders should approach you directly. She could have asked them why they are only interested in you now, she's not heard them asking after you or trying to go and encourage you as lost sheep for the past months. She could have accused them of listening to baseless gossip and not following scriptural processes.

    Instead she did what most sheeples do in this circumstance and fessed up, thereby making the job of the elders a doddle.

    So now they have you where they want you. If you accept the JW process then you meet for a JC and unless you change things you will be disfellowshipped. If you don't bother then you will be disfellowshipped anyway.

    I know some, but not all, have avoided the actual formality of disfellowshipping after threatening legal action but the result is very likely to be the same. Unless your lawyer is very, very good the elders will make it known what your situation is and people will shun you.

    Rather than worrying about it I would try to be positive. By moving in with your boyfriend you must have considered what would happen when the elders found out so I would just lance the boil as quickly as possible. Do the legal thing if you really want to but either way get it over and done with quickly and move on.

  • MarkofCane
    Tough scenario, I wouldn't spend the money on a attorney yet. First send them a letter this way you can have your say, let them know you will not be seeing them or explaining anything to them and if they persist you will have your attorney contact them. Tell them your an adult and you have nothing to explain to them or anyone else. If this doesn't get them off your back then have an attorney writer a Cease and desist letter to the BOE this will make them stop if they have any common sense. Good luck and keep us posted.
  • oppostate


    Geoffy J. wasn't quite upfront with the ARC about fading.

    Technically, faders can be off the JW radar unless they break WT rules and the BOE hears about it. Then their hounder detectors kick in and the hunt is on.

  • EmptyInside

    My friend lived with someone ,and she was disfellowshipped without meeting with the elders. I believe they called her to meet with them,but she refused. I believe they sent her a letter telling her she was d-fed/

    Do you think your family will shun you,if you are d-fed?

    I'm sorry,you are going through this. Things may seem grim now,but things will only get better later. My friend is happily married with 5 children. Her mother doesn't speak with her,but does go to them when she need financial help,go figure.

  • xjwsrock

    I know of a case where the guy is a flaming apostate and the brothers won't touch him with a ten foot pole because he threatened to sue each brother personally, the congregation, the CO, and the the watchtower if they tried to pursue anything that would defame his name. He had an attorney involved.

    It's amazing how the big bad elders become childishly small when "Satan's" legal authority is introduced. Why would God be afraid of Satan? Lol.....

  • DJS

    They will likely have her DFED in absentia without her even knowing it if she sends them a letter on her own. Contacting an attorney then would be closing the barn door too late. Very bad advice.

    The blood thirsty sharks, I mean elders, will view her passivity and or non compliance as fear and guilt. Blood in the water.

    So you can be a passive victim, which has a 100% likelihood of failure, or you can immediately get an attorney and prepare to fight Back

    Hard. The success rate isn't 100%, but it is a lot better than the alternative.

    We are assuming by your posting this that being DFED isn't a desirable outcome. If it is, ignore.

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