baptised nearly 51 years

by Phoebe 58 Replies latest jw friends

  • LevelThePlayingField

    It is very unfortunate, (because they are supposed to be the true religion) but factual that you are getting more support here than you were getting in your congregation. See, we don't judge here. We just help.

  • millie210

    Welcome Phoebe,

    Your story is so touching and I am so looking forward to getting to know you here in our "safe place on the net".

    Your original post is going to help so many people, thank you for being willing to put yourself out there to help and encourage others.

    I already find you amazing.

  • scratchme1010

    I've decided I can't continue to serve Jehovah purely out of fear. Even today's WT had an element of fear in it. There is no one to talk to withing the organization. I briefly mentioned a few of my concerns to my BF and she went crazy accusing me of going on sites etc. My husband, once a RP and MS is truly awake to everything. I was born in so it's way harder for me. I just don't want to get it wrong. So, I'll stop rambling. Just thank you guys. x

    Very nice to meet you and I'm glad that you posted. I'm sure there may have been some doubts and uneasiness by doing this. I'm glad you did.

    There are no easy answers. Your well being as an individual and your spiritual well being are the things that matter most. I don't think it's necessary to get into read this, learn that, look for this, examine that. In your post you clearly mention that you have been doing that anyway.

    I'm glad that you are sharing something that many current and former JWs don;t have the opportunity to share about. That is, what you feel. People stay for a long time in places like their congregations for a long time for many reasons, including the ones you give.

    I hope that you get to feel better and more human than just blindly following what you are told in your congregation. No need to explain why you stayed for a long time. The time in that organization doesn't matter as much as the influence in instills in people and the fact that you have your time to make decisions right. Some people just leave without really preparing for it. It's harder when time passes and your life passes and you feel more invested in it. None of it really matters. I'm glad that you're here now.

  • ToesUp

    Welcome Phoebe. You have been through so much. I wish I could hug you.

    Flipper is right, you are among friends here. There are so many who have scars that the WT has left on them.

    The comment that you made regarding your husband. "He kept saying 'there's something wrong with it' " I had the same thing running through my head most of my life. My spouse and I left WT 3+ years ago for lack of love and once we learned TTATT, it was over for us. We will never return. The abuse and lies are just too much.

    I am so happy that you received the professional help. What your Brother did to you is unforgivable. He knows what he did and it scares him that you will come forward. What a coward.

    Lean on those who love you. We are here for you and feel free to come on here anytime to vent. There are some really wonderful folks on here. It has helped me tremendously, kind of like a therapy. Hugs to you my dear!

  • Gorbatchov

    Thanks for your story. Last week I went to the meeting due to family reasons. Beside 2 relatives I was fuly ignored. No kingdom smile for me even. All because i'm not doing the JW routine.

    It made me sad. The religion of 4 generations. Showing not to practice what they preach.


  • smiddy

    I will add my voice of welcome to you Phoebe also.I`m glad you have found this site it has been of immense help to so many of us. And it can be for you too.

    Many have already given you so much good advice and encouragement ,so all I can say is take care and enjoy the rest of your life guilt free of displeasing an organization or a God.

  • Phoebe

    Hi Freddo,

    Sorry for the late reply - time difference??

    In answer to your question. I really don't know. I haven't seen him for a very long time and he lives far from me, thank goodness. His son (my nephew) has left the organization and he said one of the reasons he left was because he felt his father (my brother) was covering up for a pedophile in the congregation. He didn't molest my nephew, he suffered mentally and emotionally, though. My brother has a temper. Apparently, he would smash up the house in a rage and the next morning take the group as if nothing had happened. An elder of fine standing, huh?? Don't think so.

  • Phoebe

    Dear Gorbatchov,

    That is so awful. I feel for you. It's all so unkind and unloving. What is wrong with people?? Would Jesus behave like that to a person coming into the hall? How can they justify ignoring someone?


  • Phoebe

    Hi LevelThePlayingField, Millie210, smiddy and everyone.

    Thank you. Virtual hugs coming your way :)

    I must admit I was scared of joining and posting! Obviously I changed my name etc. There is such a climate of fear in the organization these days. It keeps getting rammed home to us we have to be loyal and the WT study this week was no exception. I want to be loyal to the God I believe in. Not to men. I have lost all trust in the organization. There are some truly wonderful brothers and sisters but there are also a whole bunch of theocratic snobs who look down on people who are not doing what they perceive as enough.

    When I was a child I remember so much kindness from some of the older brothers and sisters and to be fair, in many ways it saved me. My parents put on a great show of being the perfect JW family. I would get into trouble if I didn't answer at the meetings. But behind close doors was a different story. My parents fought violently almost every day. My earliest memory is of being curled up under the bed, fingers in ears trying to blot out their screams and praying over and over again to God to make them stop. Plus my brother sexually assaulting me on several occasions. It was hell. As I grew up I went into the religion a scared, timid person - easily manipulated, easily frightened. Years of stress has built up to mammoth proportions. Thank goodness, I sought help. I advise anyone, like me, find a good counselor/therapist and don't be afraid to tell them you are a JW. I was told by a sister not to tell my psychologist I was a JW. But I told her anyway, how could I not? That is where the root of the problem lay.

    It's taken over 50 years to be brave enough to say' enough' I'm not putting up with this anymore.

    My husband told my kids (none of my kids are JWs) This religion is going to kill your mum.

    I'm so glad I plucked up the courage to join you. What lovely people you are. x

  • never a jw
    never a jw

    My husband left the truth about 18 years ago.... He kept saying 'there's something wrong with it' and then he started reading JWSurvey and I was telling him to stay away from 'those sites'

    Welcome Phoebe,

    Can yo elaborate on this apparent contradiction. JWSurvey is about 5 or six years old, but your husband left 18 years ago

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