by zucker 37 Replies latest social relationships
I'm wondering if I should just "come out of the closet" and tell my family I don't believe it anymore and DA myself or don't make any noise and fade out? What are the benefits or problems with either choice? Additionally, some have expressed concern over DA. Why is this choice less advantageous then DF?
zucker
i'm not really sure why people think DA is worse.Mabey because you are not being kicked out for wrong doing.
I DA myself around 1o ,11 yrs ago,but I had nothing to loose.I still had famliy and friends when I left.
My choice of choosing DA over DF,was,I wasn't going to let a group of men judge me and kick me out of something I didn't fully believe had "truth" .they think they have control,don't let them have that over you.You control it....
Yes,I have control issues....
take care
Don't give 'em the satisfaction of following their "rules". Why , if you don't believe, should you still allow there archaic, draconian bullshit? Slow fade!!!
Why even give them the satisfaction of a "slow fade"?
Just stop going and refuse to answer any questions about it.
Well DA'ed and Df'ed. you are treated the same shuning practises. DF'ed of my understanding is thats a possibility of being re-instated. DA"ed you are totally wipe off the earth. Supposedly one did'nt belief the org doctrines.
I was DA'ed because of the lack of understanding and support dealing with Domestic Abuse. My issues were not about doctrines but basic human rights.
I support you in whatever decision you take thats right for you. And gives you a peace of mind.
Wish the best.
OCW
Don't give 'em the satisfaction of following their "rules". Why , if you don't believe, should you still allow there archaic, draconian bullshit? Slow fade!!!
When I announced to the board that I had DA'd myself, I was surprised at how many people accused me of "following their rules." A lot of people talked about not giving Witnesses the "satisfaction" of leaving voluntarily. But really, their satisfaction isn't what you should be worried about. Instead, worry about what will satisfy you. And if it happens to satisfy some boneheads over in the Witness nuthouse, so what? Fuck them anyway. For me, I just needed them to get away from me and my family. When I DA'd myself, sure, I used a term they invented, but it brought the peace and satisfaction I needed. The "slow fade" was only bringing me anxiety and it was time to make a stand. What should you do? Only you can know the answer to that. Dedalus
Hi Zucker,
I think I'd take 95stormfront's advice......just stop going to the meetings/assemblies/ special assembly days/district conventions/ get togethers/ service days/ cleaning the hall days, and don't say a thing!
I was furious when after being affiliated with JWs from 1970-1999 (baptized in 1972) I discovered the LIES they shoved down my throat as "TROOTH", ( the wonders of the Internet) and their crappy treatment of me when I became disabled, and for months ONLY called me when they wanted my TIME report....I wrote to the Elders and TOLD THEM that *I* didn't want anything to DO with the WTS from that moment on, this was MY decision, and to just leave me alone, (Of course that's what they HAD been doing for almost six months but it's different when it's not THEIR choice, but MINE)
But THAT letter caused weeks and weeks of having Elders coming here at all hours of the day and night...and ALWAYS when I was here alone---JUST after my husband would leave for work, the cowards. I never answered the door, and it was obvious that I was here, so they started going to where my husband works (he never became a JW) and telling him that they had to talk to me, and I was having none of it. I had plainly stated my position and I had nothing to say to them, quite simply, there WAS nothing to "talk" about!
This caused quite a few problems HERE, cuz hubby was sick of having them show up at work, all smiles and "caring" for the "one lost sheep" that wasn't knuckling under to their requests to "talk" to with them! He wanted me to call the PO and finalize things, but I dug my Irish heels in the ground and did nothing.
I, too, have a "control" issue...they controlled everything I did for all those years, screwed up every summer vacation because the District Conventions ALWAYS came at the same time as hubby's vacation did, and tons of concessions through all those years that I had to make to "be pleasing to the WTS", and let "family" functions come and go without me. I hated that.
The Elders finally stopped coming when I put a sign on the door in neon magic markers, saying that I did not want JWs calling on me any more, that doing so would result in a call to the Sheriff's Office and I WOULD press charges of harrassment against them. (I live in the country---we don't have a police force)
I heard through the grapevine shortly after that, before they said whatever it was they said at the service meeting about me, that I had put up a sign that I would have ANY JWs arrested if they came onto the property.......which the "Elders said" to everyone meant friends, sisters I had known for all those years....so they got their digs into me one last time. That WASN'T the way the sign was worded and they knew it.
Looking back, I kinda wish I'd done it 95's way. Just my 2 cents.
Hugs,
Annie
I was surprised at how many people accused me of "following their rules."
the reason that many indicated that you are following thier rules is because the entire concept of "Writing a letter of Disassocation" is their concept-
as i have mentioned many times before the wt Legal Dept and Service Dept are the brainchild behind the DA concept-
many former jw have no idea just how Badly the wt WANTS YOU TO WRITE THAT LETTER - so by writing the letter whether one realizes it or not even on the way out the door one is still following their rules-
the wt is generally the only faith that REQUIRES one to write a letter to join if leaveing another faith coming in and when leaving many of elders, co and publishers have asked WHY DON'T YOU JUST WRITE YOUR LETTER IF YOU FEEL THAT WAY about the org and in my view - many willingly COMPLY
i would not waste the paper or stamp to write a bunch of men who work as Cheese and Cracker Men at SAM'S CLUB -
i could see writing the Wt lawyers to let them know you are suing, but to WRITE MO LARRY AND CURLY-
WHILE I UNDERSTAND many often times express a desire to CUT THEMSELVES OFF BY WRITING A LETTER THE NIGHT i turned in my flock book i have not cross the sill of a Hall and this month is 5 yrs-
The reason that the wt has this concept of DA is designed to protect them LEGALLY and the Hell if I'm
going to do anything to help the wt protect itself legally- but to each his own
I didn't want to disassociate or disfellowship, I just wanted my questions answered. When they refused to answer my questions and started to shun me instead, I agreed to do an interview with the local daily paper and the local TV news station and the local weekly paper and the call in radio show.
Then I got a PO box and a dedicated phone message line and wrote a couple articles for a web page . . . . and I am still waiting for them to answer my questions.
Many of us need closure of some kind in order to move on. If we get that closure and find peace of some kind, I'd say that is success.
"many former jw have no idea just how Badly the wt WANTS YOU TO WRITE THAT LETTER - so by writing the letter whether one realizes it or not even on the way out the door one is still following their rules-"
SOBBING NOW!!
(I WAS gonna put "SOB" but that I was afraid you'd take it as a personal attack, LOL!)
"WHILE I UNDERSTAND many often times express a desire to CUT THEMSELVES OFF BY WRITING A LETTER THE NIGHT i turned in my flock book i have not cross the sill of a Hall and this month is 5 yrs-"
I refuse to set foot in the Liar's Lounges too. It got me into trouble recently when my Witness BIL died a in March. I want NOTHING to DO with that wicked and hateful publishing company.I just COULD NOT sit there respectfully and listen to the WTS infomercial extolling the virtues of the Organization, and now most of the nonJW family that WAS speaking to me....now isn't.
They don't understand the depth of my loathing for the WTS, and not the PERSON that died. HE wouldn't know if I was there or not, and I wasn't about to put myself through hoops and have to sit there listening to their shi*! I really didn't know that "not going to the funeral" would have caused even yet another division in the family.
So, the WTS is STILL controlling my life in many ways, and I SO resent it.
