What are the benifits of DA? Should I DA?

by zucker 37 Replies latest social relationships

  • shamus

    Good on you for your decision! If thats what it takes to move on, then do it.

    Good luck, and keep us posted.

  • DanTheMan

    I think it is a case-by-case basis. In my case, I didn't have JW family, so DA'ing didn't cut me off from my relatives, and being cut off from the "friends" wasn't a big concern. This is an important consideration - are you prepared to be shunned?

    The last thing I wanted was for JW's to think that I was "spiritually weak" or "stumbled" or something stupid like that and that was why they didn't see me at the KH. I wanted to let people know that I felt that JWism is a steaming pile of horse dung. Whether or not that message got across is a different matter, as others have stated DA'ing isn't always a voluntary thing anymore, so they will be left to speculate on the reasons why your name was announced at the service meeting.

  • drwtsn32

    My wife and I did the "quick fade"... we just stopped going completely and didn't tell the elders shit. The reason I don't want to disassociate myself is because I have family in the organization. I don't have a problem manipulating the system so that I can still talk freely (for the most part) with my family. We have had to offer some explanations to our family members, but it's not a big deal. Both my wife and I left because of problems with the organization and their beliefs, not because we wanted to live some forbidden lifestyle.

    I have heard from at least a few sources that if the elders ever ask you "Do you still consider yourself a JW?" you should answer "yes" unless you want to be disassociated. Like I said, I don't mind manipulating the system, at least at this point in the game. (We left about 6 months ago.)

  • be wise
    be wise

    Zucker, just be careful. All you have to do is check out my thread on the WTS BUBBLE. Just try and avoid confrontation but your family might be very different than mine. Tell them if you feel you have to (I felt like this) but don't be tempted to lose it!

  • freedom96

    I did the fade away. I have several friends that I hope eventually see the light and leave. For me, it is just easier. I still have relatives that are in, and it just makes it more comfortable for everyone if there is not a title put on me.

    I don't need to be labled by an organization that does not control me. Why should I let them? For me, that would be allowing them to excercise some sort of control over me, and I refuse to let them do that.

  • zucker

    I told my mom about wanting to leave the WT. I don't think she took it to well. The only problem I have with DA is the elders could manipulate her to kick me out of the house now that I'm 19. That would be tough being I'm still in college. She even suggested increasing my rent if I left the org. Talk about controling!

    As far as hoping they will someday see the light, I allways have that in the back of my mind. I gave my case to her, and she knows why I can't support the WT in anyway now. She was pretty shooken up about it, but I think it was helpful for both of us to know exactly what I believed and why. Now I have to tell the rest of my family.


  • be wise
    be wise

    I understand your position zucker, just be calm about it and attack it from a personal not doctrinal stance that's what I did and didn't do and it worked best when I did. That way your not attacking there religion and beliefs but are attacking the way things are done by the WTS 'opinion'.

    First I told a room full of relatives at a get together and it went very well cos I attacked it from how it made me feel, what it did to me and also on the past views on subjects that really hurt and affected people very badly, there are a lot of issuses that pertain to this as you will know from experience as an ex-JW.

    That to me, is the best way to go about it, then if they ask questions again explain your viewpoint on the matter by printing stuff out and showing them.

    be wise.

  • shamus


    Good for you for telling your mom. You see? What works for one person does not work for another - I think that you made the right decision. She knows your stance now, and that is it. If she increases your rent, well, that's not very nice, but what can you do? But if you DA yourself, you can be SURE that the elders will pressure her to kick you out. Put a stamp of guarantee on that one. I would just avoid the elders like the plague now - but your mom will probably get them in contact with you somehow! Just don't give them answers if you don't want to DA. Milk the system, if you want.

    Also - good for you for going to college! The WT society wants us all to not get a better education, which is just horsepoo! They robbed me of this and I won't forget that anytime soon.

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