As you probably might know already, I already posted some lengthy posts about my situation,
here: part 1 and here: part 2 is here.
To make it short, four weeks ago, my wife confessed that she cheated on me and immediately went upstairs to pack and to leave. This was planned from beforehand because she already managed for an apartment in a different city and a job there. The next day she sent an email to the elders out confessing of her wrong doings and wishing to get disassociated.
As a reason why she left, she told me, that we should have never married, because we don't fit together. The truth was the only thing that bonded us together and after that was gone, there was nothing left. Funny thing is, couple of months ago when everything was still fine, she told me how good of a couple that we are and how good we fit together. Also everybody who knew us said that we were a perfect fit for each other. Anyway she was always guided by her emotions and her emotions probably told her, escape your marriage and find a new partner.
Now its been 4 weeks and I am still trying to cope with the situation. Keeping myself busy and going to work helps, the hardest part is, driving back home from whereever I used to be knowing that nobody is home waiting for you. That you will wake up the next day and still there will be nobody to talk to. I loved my wife a lot and would have never imagined that outcome. Our 8 years of marriage have not been easy, but the last 3 years looked like we finally managed it.
Before the announcement of her dissociation the elders tried to talk to her, she made me responsible for leaving. She told me, it was me who showed apostate sites to her and she gave me all the blame for losing her faith. She not only told that to the elders but to everybody who contacted her before the dissociation announcement.
I am not ready to leave the truth, I originally wanted to leave with my wife. But she had other plans, I guess I was only good enough for the truth. When she woke up, she wanted a different life, without her marriage mate. Which means, she probably didn't love me to begin with. The conclusion for me is, probably it is better that way.
The funny thing is, I haven't showed her any apostate sites for quite some time now, I think it was two years ago when I showed her something and after this we had the occassional talk. But she made it clear, that I am free to go but she would remain in. Thats why it came to me as a surprise that she woke up behind my back. My theory is, that she was somehow unhappy and wanted out of the marriage and saying that I showed her apostate sites sounded like a good excuse. It wouldn't surprise me if she would come back after a while after she experienced her freedom. She had told me very often, that she married too young and that she should have experienced her freedom longer.
Anyway, of course the elders already talked to me about the apostate websites. This caught me offguard at the beginning, as I said, I am still not ready to leave. So I needed to say something plausible to them. I thought about saying that it is all lies from my wife. Anyway I didn't say that, there was this story one year ago when our CO came for a visit with a second couple and we invited them for lunch and the other couple brought up the australian commission and the pedophiles and even the COs wife weighted in saying she knows a case in almost any congregation.
So I told the elders, that after that topic came up with the CO, I researched that topic on the internet and it also showed it to my wife. Telling them I was only on news sites and I added: "I don't know if my wife made further research on apostate sites".
So far the elders left me alone. This is also the same story I tell everyone who was contacted by my wife spreading that it was me who showed her apostate websites and thats why she left me and the truth.
In the last 4 weeks I have been only to two meetings. I will use that what happaned to me as an excuse to fade. I already hinted to the elders at the possibility that I might go to a different congregation. The brothers are still on love bombing mode trying to encourage me and even inviting me to their homes. I have declined most invitations saying that I am not ready yet, but the truth is, I don't really want with brothers from my congregation right now. I want to be with friends, who are not with me because they are sorry for me, but because they are friends.
So year, sorry for the lengthy post again, but I just wanted to get the words out of my system :-)
