Hi Stephanie it is normal to be angry I have been out over 17 years and I still get angry sometimes that is why places like this are great as a great way to help you express your feelings. You have been through a lot you have lost a lot. I too have no contact with my family I am DA never been DF but they treat me like a DF. Unlike you I had a pretty abusive childhood that lead to a number of mental health problems when I was a young adult. I worked with a Therapist for many years and he had me complete two activities that I have found really helpful when leaving the JW`S. I would like to share them they really helped me and maybe they could help you.
First thing I did was stop and think about and write down all the great things I now can do in my life because I choose to get out of the JW cult. Focusing on the positives of your new found Freedom can help you put the negatives in perspective. Also framing it as a choice to not return to Cult you are not a victim but a JW Cult Survivor.
Some items in my list include:
I can marry who want and if I want to or if I don’t want to marry I can live with a partner it is up to me.
I don’t have the WBTS telling me how to be a good wife and mother and I can do what I want sexually with my partner and feel no guilt and I don’t have to be a good submissive wife I can have equal say in my relationship;)
I can celebrate whatever holidays I want with whoever I want to celebrate them with.
I can watch, listen and read whatever I want
I get to learn about different cultures, religions and point of view and I can choose to believe and practice what feels right to me.
I can sleep in on Saturday and Sunday if I want to
I don’t have to preach door to door that is done
I can wear what I want even if it is a little low cut or short I can dress and feel and look sexy if I want to and not have to be compared to Jezebel
And most importantly
I never have to be pressured to disown my own children. I stop the cycle of JW mind control with myself and my kids. I can love them for who they are and never have to have anyone tell me I can’t.
These are only a few things on my list. I still have my list and I do still add to it from time to time. I did have it on my fridge at one time and reviewed every day or when I needed to.
I also had a 2nd list of things I wanted to try almost like an EX JW bucket list some things that maybe you were curious about or wanted to try but went allowed to do.
On my list I had things like
Watch the exorcist movie
Go to a sex shop with my partner
Vote in the next election
Smoke some MJ (if that’s your thing)
Go to a club dance, drink and be merry and have a good time
After I completed these activities I journaled the experience and what emotions it brought up and how I felt during and after.
I found this was a good way to slowly deprogram yourself from all the mind control.
You may be surprised how much fun you have and you will meet new people along the way people who love you unconditionally and that is the best part of not being a JW having real authentic relationships and being able to give and receive real authentic love.
You are a beautiful amazing person who deserves a great life and now you can create the life you really want. It may be different from the life you thought you would have and it may or may not include your family but it will be your life you created yourself.
Best of luck you will be ok.