Considered Suicide ?

by Guest 77 64 Replies latest jw friends

  • rebel

    I don't think being a JW helped me when I was depressed - in fact it made me worse. When you are feeling in the depths of despair, the last thing you need is some eejit with a Bible at your hospital bedside, telling you that your faith is weak and you need to build a truly personal relationship with Jehovah in order to feel better. If only it was that easy! The only reason any of them visited me in the 'loony bin' (as one loving sister put it) was because it made them feel good to see me so low. They loved preaching to me, being seen by all the other patients putting on a show of love, looking like such goddy-goddies.

    So much for the organisation being a refuge, somewhere to run to when you are in pain or feeling bad. In my experience, they didn't help one little bit. They were completely unable to understand anything I was feeling and just rammed scriptures down my throat when all I wanted was to be left alone.

    Mind you, I was suffering from bouts of depression long before I became a JW, so they weren't to blame for it in my case.


  • mattnoel

    It went through my mind once when I was VERY low - my whole life had just got too much and I felt that I was too tired to take any more pain......suprisingly it was a month after leaving the borg ! Looking back I am SOOOO glad I didnt, things can get soo bad, more than you can take at times, I dont know why, maybe there is a reason. My life is so much better now and when I am feeling a little low or have problems I look back and think just how bad it all got and it usually makes me feel better !

    Everyones comments here are amazing, one stood out and that was Lady Lee - What a woman !!!! hers is another example that things can get so bad that you feel like ending it all, but she held on a fought ! and look at her now !.....thats someone I would be privelaged to know, who can show you that there may seem no light at the end of the tunnel, but keep walking and fighting and you will get there.

  • Scully

    Yes. Immediately after the Memorial in 1994. I've been thinking a lot about that last Memorial I attended lately... it always puts me in a state that I find hard to describe.

    Love, Scully


    It's hard to believe I ever felt this way.

    I did consider suicide, but it was combination of depression post-JW and dealing with a plethora of realities and emotions.

    But eventually, in time, it all passed.

    The WTBTS grip on its members is powerful, and when you are released from its talons, you are let go, wounded, maimed and feeling absolutely lost and with no where to turn.

    Doesnt' surprise me that former JWs have had those feelings.

    Thank goodness for the internet. No one has to feel so isolated, again.

  • Satanus

    Yes, my last years as a dub saw me feeling so guilty, unsufficient, depressed and angry at myself, that i used to think about it. After exiting, i was relatively happy for a few yrs, a sort of christian high. After loss of faith in the bible, i hit some very bad lows. I had my suicide method figured out. However, during the last couple of yrs, my anger level has gone down, and even though i still depress, the thought of suicide is rarely there. It seems to me, that in my case, suicide would be a result of anger turned inward, against myself.


  • topanga

    nope, homocide!

  • Guest 77
  • Guest 77
    Guest 77

    Thanks again everyone for sharing your experiences. I found each and every experience thought provoking. It goes to show how we have things in common and how we individually deal with these problems. Not all problems have the same solutions.

    Guest 77

  • onacruse


    And I didn't know how to handle that pain other than die.

    Exactly. In 1981, I'd just been reinstated, still in emotional turmoil from that episode...then to find out that my wife (of 9 years) had been having an affair with my elder/employer during that year I was "out." She left me, cold, eyes as hard as granite. That night, as I laid in bed, I had the barrel of a cocked and loaded 0.38 Special in my mouth, trigger half-pulled. I didn't know any other way to escape the pain. It was only my fear of everlasting destruction that made me release the trigger.

    Last spring, when I was yet again tossed (after 17 years) for being DFd, I had brief thoughts of suicide. But this time, between the anger, grief, and alcohol, I stopped and said to myself:

    God-damnit, I'm not gonna let those bastards take me down.

    And so here I am today, happier than I ever thought I could ever be.


  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    A couple of things stopped me

    1. What would happen to my daughters? I wanted to see them grow up and get married, be happy,
    2. I thought that if I committed suicide I would be eternally destroyed ala JW teachings
    3. I really didn't want to be dead - I just wanted the pain to go away.

    So... I had to find another solution. Which meant: find a way to live without the JWs and abusers in my life

    I learned there is always another way out.

    onacruise - that was one of my thoughts They took the first part of my life - they weren't getting the rest of it.

    The best revenge is to learn to live well

    Thanks Matt

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