Your favorite Watchtower oddities

by logansrun 48 Replies latest watchtower beliefs


    Blood guilty


    Destruction, punishment, god's wrath, Armageddon (repeat thousands of times), Great Tribulation, New System, 1000 year reign (of boredom), tested (it'll never stop), theocratic (to be otherwise is well...interesting). The list goes on and on.

    I didn't think I could think any of these up anymore, but you guys/gals gave me some excellent fodder for me, and it stimulated my old JW memory (feeble).

  • Francois

    I "appreciated" this year's assembly.

    "away back there" at the time of the first century governing body.

    "after all, we are living in the very last days."

    "Brothers, are we enjoying the spiritual feast prepared for us by the faithful and discreet slave?" (Thunderous applause for fifteen solid minutes while I'm so hungry I start in on my shoe tongue)

    It has come to the brother's attention that some of you young folks are sneaking underneath the stands for a little suckie face. This will not be tolerated.

    Who would volunteer for the privilege of giving the #4 talk in five minutes since brother xyz is home in bed?

    Durn, I have to go to the store. She Who Must Be Obeyed has just informed me. And I was just getting on a roll. Well. Later.


  • Pleasuredome

    "Lack of appreciation"


    "modern day fulfilment"

    "would you do that if jesus was here?"

    "Jehovah's arrangement"

    "theocratic order"

    "running ahead"

    "showing a waiting attitude"

  • micheal


  • Pistoff

    the spirit of Korah----VERY BIG right now, being used to threaten any who dare speak about sexual abuse or the UN involvement.

    spirit of rebellion--one used to quiet children or anyone who asked questions that had tough answers.

    running ahead of the organization--applies to those who are thinking clearly about the stupid theology here, and make the mistake of talking to someone about it.

    waiting on Jehovah--actually means don't do a damm thing, and don't tell the police either, or you will be df'd.

    the congregation had lost the holy spirit, no wait, they said Jehovah's spirit(can't sound too much like christendom)--usually when corrupt elders were allowed to stay, by corrupt CO's, and the cong realized what a crock it really was.

    drifting away--the best way to get out!

    spiritually minded--in other words, overly strict, boring and poor as a church mouse.

    spirit of Jezebel--means that a woman actually spoke her mind, but made the mistake of doing it to an elder or MS.

    reaching out--kissing a**es

    loving shepherds--gross fiction, see also gifts in men

    really loves Jehovah--see spiritually minded

    independent thinker--very bad

    weak ones--often talked about, but not helped at all; esp if they have some physical need or handicap

    apostate--one who is an 'independent thinker', and talked about it. Actually means, "one who has seen the light"

    right hearted ones--those "predestined" to get the truth

    wicked hearted ones--those doomed to be booted

    persons of goodwill--any non jw who smiles at us; replaced by favorably disposed; the opposite of opposed

    unbelieving mate: really means a non jw, even though he may be a devout believer!

    depressed ones; this one is tough, because the Awake used to recognize depression as an illness, but now the WT says (indirectly of course) that depressed ones should eat well, get rest and not let their problems be viewed all as one. Boy, what a relief for victims of depression.

    evil slave class--what the heck happened to this term, anyway? Used to watch as one older gentleman was kicked out, physically, every Friday night of the circuit assemblies.(I go back a Loooooooong way)

  • NeonMadman

    Ministerial servant (what the hell does that REALLY mean?)

    Never quite thought of it that way before, but I guess it would mean a 'serving servant,' wouldn't it?

    (This message brought to you by your Department of Redundancy Department)

  • ozziepost


    "true Christians"

    BTW NeonMadman, It's quite an accurate translation of the term actually.

    Cheers, Ozzie

  • NeonMadman
    BTW NeonMadman, It's quite an accurate translation of the term actually.

    Ozzie, do you mean by that that the English "ministerial servant" really means what I said it does, or are you referring to the meaning of the original Greek term?

    The Greek word translated "ministerial servants" in the NWT at 1 Tim. 3:8 is diakonos. The Zondervan NIV Exhaustive Concordance gives the meaning of diakonos as follows

    servant, minister, a person who renders service and help to others, in some contexts with an implication of lower status; also transliterated as "deacon," a trusted officer of helps and servants in the local church...
    So, yeah, it's a fairly accurate rendering of the meaning, but the term "ministerial servant" still carries a redundancy that is not inherent in the original language.

  • logansrun

    I thought of another one: "taking an interest in," as in, "I've been taking an interest in some of the young ones at the hall..." Does anybody outside of Jehovah's Witnesses use this phrase with such regularity?


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