I just found out that my youngest brother committed suicide

by SnakesInTheTower 113 Replies latest jw friends

  • SnakesInTheTower

    I am so tired emotionally. My middle brother (not JW) and mom have taken over ...my mom made stupid decisions that cost her more money than needed when dad died 20 years ago, and I'm afraid she is doing so now. she (age 72) and my stepdad are going to drive 2 days from Alabama to Iowa to "take care of things", way too much rushing. No talking to me about any of it unless I ask first.

    My JW mom thinks Josh is asleep awaiting resurrection. **eye roll**

    His friends, without asking the family, have started a large gofundme account already at $1500 of $2K for a tree planting and plaque in a favorite park. They planned a gathering next Sunday, a 5 hour drive each wsy...just after getting back from this trip 13 hours each way. I don't think I can get in the middle of it.

    What I want to do is just get back home and sleep. Not be bothered with anyone.

    I realize from all of the posts on FB that I did not know my brother any more. The only tears I have shed are from reading your posts here, FB, and another forum. The outpouring of kindness is unexpected but it helps.

    Anyway, I will check back soon.

    Thanks again

    Snakes (Rich)

  • Khaleesi
    Sooo sorry for your loss, stay strong.... my heart goes out to you... sending you a big hug & love
  • KiddingMe
    I am so sorry for your loss. Wishing you strength in the days to come.
  • fiddler

    Snakes, I almost don't have a right to post because I don't post here often but...feel so sad for you. This will impact you over the course of time. Those folks with the 'go fund me' account...let them go and do what they need to do. It is for your brother. As for the JW thing....they will do what they have been instructed to do; not what their heart tells them. Let them go...do what they do.

    You on the other hand, need rest. Do what YOU have to do. Running around doing stuff you don't feel is not what you need to do. You'll figure it out.

  • Xanthippe
    Rich grief is exhausting physically. If you want to rest then rest. Wishing you peaceful sleep 🌹
  • Freesoul

    My heart is with you in this time of distress Take care xxx

  • SnakesInTheTower

    probably going to take a week off work for bereavement.... hell the company offers 5 days for close relatives and I hate going to work for many reasons these days. wasn't going to, but so much BS going on there, ...probably wait until next week when my mom comes through town on her way back from iowa.

    not sure where my grieving process is at... people at work know because a) I posted it on FB ... because I got tired of being asked a bunch of questions so i just posted it... and b) it's just a weird topic and no one knows what to say to the family left behind. Also, I told my boss I didnt want to hear any more drama... no time for it... lol


    ps... is that just a weird random post..... my brain ain't working right.

  • JWdaughter

    If there is ever a time in your life where it is normal that your brain doesn't work right -this would be it. There is a reason that people get bereavement leave. Its not just to make arrangements. Take the time and take care of yourself and do something that is meaningful for you or just sleep and eat. Whatever helps you.

    I have been here many years and seen a lot of dear people go through stuff like this, but the thought of you keeps nudging at me. I'm not sure why. My brother shunned me years ago. I really miss having him. I wish I could give you a hug-and that might be entirely a selfish wish cause I need one!

    Take care of yourself, Rich.

  • Dissonant15
    Very sorry for your loss. Remember, everyone processes loss differently, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Give yourself permission to feel whatever, without worrying about analyzing the process.
  • SnakesInTheTower

    It has been 6 months since my little brother took his own life. I woke up this morning and seen the walking stick he carved for me a long time ago, sitting in the corner. I shouldvgo hiking soon.

    Sad, he was so talented in many ways. My JW mom found a bunch of his poetry in his possessions. She is going to copy them for me. I want to publish them if they are any good at all, or at least bind them up for his 2 kids.

    Oh, I recently have been in contact with his now adult kids. Had lunch with his almost 18 yr old daughter Abigail and her mom (his ex wife). That went well. Time will tell if it was a one time meet or not. She wants to meet our family. My JW mom will be here this week, I hope she doesn't act stupid. JW mom shows so little connection emotionally to me these days.

    Thanks to the son of a JWN poster (mimimimi), i also spoke with my 21 yr old nephew by phone. I have to call him back to set up a meet. Weird. I don't know WHAT to think.

    To everyone who PM me or posted, THANK YOU for your kindness. I don't know if I replied or not. It has been a blur. My family is in town this week, don't know how that is going to go. I have NO emotional currency in the bank for nonsense.

    Snakes (Rich)

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