I need some advise

by Lost his mind 28 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Lost his mind
    Lost his mind
    Thanks all. This has been somewhat depressing. I was hoping for you go girl! But I see your point about the can of worms. I am still pondering.
  • Hadriel

    Very reluctant when it comes to marriage advice. I'll say this though if the issue is your husband speaking with them really your family is irrelevant. Got to the source.

    Husband "this isn't working when there's interference, can we please politely ask them to stick to pleasantries and no religion for a while and see if we can't just work on ourselves for a while? I care about our promise to one another and would like this opportunity.".

    I agree with others in that asking them to stop will only put up red flags causing them to call into action the JW family members as they'll feel they need to attempt to get your husband to return to Jehovah.

    Best to petition him Put the onus on him so that the two of you have the opportunity to make it right between yourselves.

    Wish you the best.

  • Cangie

    Since it is HIS family who is interfering in your relationship, and they won't discuss it in your presence, shouldn't your husband be the one to set the terms with them? It seems as though they don't respect you, but it is his job to tell them that he won't tolerate that and to defend you.

    If he uses their principles and invokes his rights as "head" of the household, they won't have a leg to stand on. When he speaks with them, it might be better if he uses the terms "our marriage" and "we would appreciate it" along with other words showing that the two of you are a team. It let's them know that you two are working together and won't let them try to divide your relationship. Good luck---family can be a pain, and JW family can be 100% times worse...

  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas

    You must do what you feel is right, but you should know that you may feel differently later.

    Sorry if this sounds like a fortune cookie, but I had Chinese for lunch.

    I give you five stars for spiciness.

  • Hadriel
    @cangie makes great point on headship. If done tactfully it tends to make JWs back off. It's like saying you're messing with theocratic order you're outta line without actually saying it. Great call Cangie!
  • rebel8
    I think your husband should reply to each contact individually as he receives them. If he's not willing to respond, then that calls into question his desire to fix things. IMHO
  • Beth Sarim
    Beth Sarim
    This religion always uses family to control others. It's just sickening. Such control.
  • Dissonant15
    You have the right to tell them officially & formally to mind their own damn business. I like the letter except for saying "I asked for a divorce twice." That's TMI, not their right to know. I do like letting them know that they are making it worse, harder to stay together. Just MHO.
  • Listener

    I agree with what Cangie said. I am wondering if your husband doesn't feel the same way as you about the situation.

    You said - My husband has told me before to voice my complaints but I have yet.

    You talk about it as your complaints, not his. If they are contacting him and not you then you've got to sort this out with your husband in the first instance and see if he will support you or if he doesn't care.

  • Heartsafire

    You go girl! I think you should send the letter. But, I agree with Dissonant15. Leave the asking for a divorce twice out of it. You are asking for space to heal the marriage, and by saying you have asked for a divorce it sounds as though you have given up.

    You are "one flesh" with your husband, and if they are bossing him about behind your back then they are disrespecting both of you. I cannot see any reason why the eldubs would bother you about it, and they may even reluctantly agree with you. Just in case, keep a copy of your letter for your own personal records.

    In the past I have had to send letters to JW family while still "in". These people have no concept of boundaries at all. Set some.

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