I need some advise

by Lost his mind 28 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Pete Zahut

  I understand how you'd be tempted to send that letter but since you asked, I'd advise against give them anymore ammunition against you by putting it in a letter that can be dragged out years later. I'd advise that you just address each person, if and when the situation arises and I'd factor in your annoyance about all of this and tamp whatever you say, down a bit.

  If you do send a letter, (although it's a stretch) you could thank them for their well intentioned advice and tell them that you think from this point forward, it would be better if you and (husbands name) work things out between you.
• 

  jhine

  My first thought was " why doesn't the husband tell them to butt out if it's his family interfering "

  PERHAPS you need to first ask your hubby why he is encouraging you to do the dirty work ! You should at least be presenting a united front .

  I really hope that things work out with you two , but maybe you need to discuss this more before doing anything rash . You certainly don't want to put yourself back on the elder's radar .

  Jan
• 

  Lost his mind

  I would like to say Thank You!!! Your advise, all of yours, has been extremely helpful. I can not express this enough. I did not send the letter/email, but deleted it after I let my husband read it. We had a very lengthy talk. It turns out that he would rather keep our marriage than become a JW. He believes that some of their beliefs are true but "scratches his head" at others. He deletes most of the emails he receives without reading them. I did not know this.

  I did not realize that my letter had the note of anger in it that some have expressed. My husband said it did also. I am sorry for this because I am not that sort of person.

  So now, I will work on my marriage and try to be less suspicious, angry, hateful at times, well a pain in the butt.

  Thank you thank you thank you again. The people on here are wonderful!
• 

  jhine

  I am so happy to hear this . l would just like to add please do not be hard on yourself if your letter showed anger , most people in your situation would be furious !

  Jan
• 

  Listener

  That's good news Lost His Mind.
• 

  DesirousOfChange

  it could make elders stop by again,

  That was my thought because you are implying that you, too, are "worldly". If you are DFd or have DAd, that's no big deal. If you are fading and hope to keep it that way, this could be enough ammo to warrant the Gestapo to visit.

  Otherwise, I think you make your point clearly, and without being rude. Tell them to STFU.

  Doc

  PS, you could add something to the effect that Jehovah cherishes the marriage arrangement for everyone -- he instituted it as a blessing for all mankind, and Jehovah hates all divorces (Mal xx:xx). Thus, their interference into your marriage and the damage it causes is NOT something in which Jehovah would approve. They are being pawns of Satan, who it against all good things instituted by God.
  
• 

  Pete Zahut

  I did not realize that my letter had the note of anger in it that some have expressed. My husband said it did also. I am sorry for this because I am not that sort of person

  Of course not...you just needed to vent a little and so often that's exactly what this forum is for.
• 

  Diogenesister

  Not sure - but I guess they must be in laws? In which case your husband needs to not put it all on you to do this alone. You BOTH need to send it as a united front - they will soon get the message then!!!!!

  I wish you all the best and know that feeling - just cos you are/ were dubs they think they have a right to interfere!
• 

  Heartsafire

  Glad to hear you and your hubby are on the same page. If you ever need to vent in the future, we are here for you:-)