Need to vent: My loathing for the JW cult increases more and more, while my wife clings more and more to it

by goingthruthemotions 33 Replies latest jw experiences

  • LongHairGal


    As others have said, I don't think the religion is going anywhere and nobody is going to take it down. It may change and morph into something a little different but will still be around.

    You have to just live your life and pay it no mind. As time goes on, it will get bad publicity and be exposed to more people as the corrupt fraud that it is. Maybe in time your wife will see this.

  • Anders Andersen
    Anders Andersen


    Maybe your husband should watch the broadcasts. Or even better, you could drop some comments on them.

    • Hmmm....a Royal Commission investigation is labeled as apostate lies?
    • Wow, asking for money again?
    • Garlic bread.....really?
    • Ow that poor little girl. You know worldly people paid her way home?

    No better way to wake up...

  • KateWild


    You seem pretty stressed. You are clearly worried about the repercussions of leaving while your wife is still in and you feel sick to the stomach staying in. You need to think about changing something as you are really stressed and it's not doing any of you any good.

    Hope you take the leap soon and free yourself.

    Kate xx

  • John_Mann
    Some people are born to be a JW. They just WANT to be a JW. It's not a matter of false or true to them. BTW there's a lot of people who just want to be evil. Sad but true.
  • Acts5v29

    Good afternoon GoingThroughTheMotions,

    My very best wishes to you and yours!

    You'll have noticed how much attitude there is - whether for God or for watchtower / catholic / Pentecostal / ... or against - its everywhere, and its sickening. I sometimes wonder how many people actually value what it real - perhaps that can be to your advantage.

    Perhaps the more normal you are, the more your family will wonder at themselves, and feel that their life in the church is somehow twisted - not though Holy Spirit, but just twisted, warped. I've seen others do this, not needing to question those around them on scripture or anything, just letting their spirit show itself as healthy compared to those who remain in the church. In the end, it becomes painful to ignore the truth - they just mellow, bit by bit, and stop seeing you as a lost soul but as a calmer, saner, more content, less stressed-out person

  • rebel8

    I don't believe people "have to figure it out on their own". I say get out the cheese grater.

    "Hey hon, I would like to do a daily reading of the bible together, without literature or anything else, just god's word. Except I would like to choose the scriptures. Would you be willing to do that?"

    Then pick all scriptures from

  • rebel8

    And IMHO you should definitely stop enabling.

    I wouldn't call helping someone get ready for the meetings "caretaking".

    It's enabling, comparable to buying an alcoholic beer.

    You don't have to block the driveway when she tries to leave for the meetings, but you sure as hell don't need to help her get ready.

  • MarkofCane


    I attend some Sunday meetings with her so she won't have to go alone and some assemblies. No attending the CLAM, no longer go in service, participate in meetings, clean the kh, donate, etc. Very much a fringe member to keep peace.

    You are living my nightmare too? Lol.... 'That's me in the corner, losing my religion'

    My wife said to me yesterday in front of the kids " Dad has been different, he seems more calm and not so distant, don't you guys agree?" There like, yes are you taking something?

    Well the truth is, since I signed up here, I have a place to vent and stopped venting on my wife which affects the kids.(now I vent on you kind people) Now my approach is, subtle ways, I will mention a news report about cult's or about JW's, I don't criticize anything, I let her come to her own conclusions and let her own it. It works she missed 3 midweek meeting in a row, I didn't mention anything nor did she. She's even shared with me some negative stuff that's going on in the KH recently. I just shook my head and said "terrible"

    I have been keeping her busy with stuff, I spent some time and found out what her passion's are. As a JW you reject any time consuming hobbies and focus on WT agenda, well now we spend a lot of time and some money on her interest. I'm not saying this is the solution but it does break the hard shell and once your inside, its easier.


  • tiki
    The more I read these the more I see the parallel between addiction and people stuck in this religion. They are addicted to it and you must take care that you are not enabling the addiction. If your spouse were addicted to heroin would you be giving them $$$, to buy it? You know the emotional damage the religion why foster its continuance in someone you love....the addict wants to control his or her resources to sustain the sick habit...same with the witness...and they use the same tactics...playing on your love and guilt. If you want a healthy happy partner you need to detach completely from their addictive behaviors.
  • TheListener

    GTTM, I'm really sorry you are going through this. You seem to be handling things as well as can be expected in the situation you are in. I wanted to echo something that SugarShane and Rebel8 talked about in their posts. Caretaking or Enabling. When I first started fading and my kids were still attending with my wife I definitely tried to help her get them ready and make sure they all left on time. I felt that by doing that my wife would see what a great guy I was even though I wasn't going to be a witness myself.

    When she was gone I would clean and do dishes and stuff that normally she would do. It wasn't until one of my kids said that they didn't really want to go but that mom forced them that I realized that I was forcing them too. So I stopped, not cold turkey but sort of liking fading. Eventually my wife would leave the KH and ask me to do the dishes or laundry and I reply basically with 'we can do it together when you get home' or 'I think it can wait until tomorrow when you can get to it'.

    I still feel like a jerk inside since I know that in her mind I'm doing nothing and she's busy so I should do the extra things; but in my mind I already work full-time and do all my responsibilities around the house, I shouldn't have to do hers just because I feel guilty that she's going to the meeting alone and I somehow let her down.

    So for you GTTM, it will take some adjusting by you and your wife and it may take inner strength that you have or you need to develop but I agree that the caretaking or enabling activities aren't helpful. I know that's not even the main issue of your OP but it's a lesson I learned that may help in a small way.

    Edited to add: I have since told my wife how I feel and why I don't do the caretaking or enabling tasks anymore - I can't say she felt the same way about it I did but we worked through it and moved past it. So much so that now if I do something while she's gone she notices and is very appreciative.

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