Need to vent: My loathing for the JW cult increases more and more, while my wife clings more and more to it
feel for you... same here... he's an elder so has to be on top of everything, studies the WT, book study, bible reading, goes out in FS to ALL the meetings... sometimes when he tells me things I feel like I have to have a cast iron stomach. At least he doesn't try to pressure me into anything and he hasn't watched a single broadcast yet. And he knows when I've had enough. Guess I'm lucky really. Just hoping something soon will burst his bubble... :/
I sympathise.....I'm always finding my husband watching jwtv, reading the bible, reading my little one bible stories. He's more obsessed than ever. They're trying to counteract our negative influence and probably ease their c.d. My tactic is to ignore it and get on with something I like doing. Ocasionally I rant at him about the ARC etc. but it never has a positive effect, quite the opposite. We're growing apart, inevitably, but what can I do about that? I just try to enjoy my kids and my life, times with him I keep it on light and neutral ground, the news, work, kids, tv, the ironic thing is we used to talk a lot about the brothers, problems in the cong, injustices, bad elders, now of course he won't breathe a word of negativity to me, hopefully it will store up inside him and wake him up, unlikely though.
I'm in a similar situation at home. Also much like our friend Doc, I became very ill when I discovered ttatt. Today, after nearly 8 years of stepping away from the WT, i am very much at peace with my life and my wife. I attend some Sunday meetings with her so she won't have to go alone and some assemblies. No attending the CLAM, no longer go in service, participate in meetings, clean the kh, donate, etc. Very much a fringe member to keep peace.
I also use some of biblexaminer's strategy especially when we see the "cart" witnessing. I like to point out the 'do nothing' preaching that it must be embarrassing to stand and 'do nothing'. I often watch the monthly broadcast so I can question her on her opinion of how it went. I know that even she is embarrassed by some of the crap the gb throws out there. The "generation" timeline was laughable!
As someone else alluded to, you should strive to be her 'rock.' Keep an even keel. Do what's best for the family...unconditionally, like the Walton's dad.
I was in a similar situation. The book "Iron John," helped me to start to sort things out. Then, "No More Mr. Nice Guy," by Dr. Glover helped tremendously. Gave me a sort-of template upon which to build. Not a magic bullet, but something that pays off if you put the effort in. Like the Jesus analogy of "give a man a fish" vs "teach a man to fish," if that makes sense.
I like the 'red pill' idea too, as long as you can combine it with copious amounts of non-JW time. Surprise her with dinner out (without asking her)...just do it..or perhaps you're already doing that. Any kind of romantic 'take charge' stuff should help.
Be patience and show her evidence of the lies this religious publishing house made all during the 20th century and before, she might then realize this organization was built by men for men to procure self assuming power and money.
Propagating lies and corruption though their professed doctrines then propping them up as preaching the truth of the gospel.
How I helped my wife out.
I put "red pill" in her cereal. I put "red pill" in her coffee. I put "red pill" in her pasta.
I put it in everything. But instead of one whole "red pill", I used the cheese grater so she would hardly notice.
Every conversation we had was laced with "red pill".
Me: "Honey, so... the '1000yr reign is 1000 years right?"
Me: "So the Kingdom began in 1914... right?"
Me: "So there's only 900 years left... I hope Jesus does something soon!"
Her: "SHARP BURST OF ANGER" (you have to have a strong stomach)
And I could hear one of the tentacles detach. "PhSttt"
This is an example. I did so many I lost track.
She posts here now. Maybe she remembers some.
Like the time we went for a walk down to our local park. He honey. Help this guy out.
To my loving husband Biblexaminer: how can I forget all you did to help me wake up. You never gave up on me and now I know the truth.
To Goingthruthemotions: don't give up, be patient and your wife will see it too.
Same spot here.
Wife is going to the assembly tomorrow.
She is happy to be a JW.
I think it's disgusting. I try hard to keep the peace.
I even help her get ready sometimes if she is running late.
I hope she wakes up. I'm nervous she will blame me for ruining her 'faith', though. I can't face that. Her hating me because I showed her the truth.
I even help her get ready sometimes if she is running late.
I used to be the same way. I'd even do the dishes, or laundry when she was busy at the assembly, or going door to door all day.
These are called 'caretaking' behaviors. There's a difference between caretaking and helping out around the house. Does she change the oil in the car, or mow the grass when you work overtime? I'm willing to bet the answer is "no." Not saying there aren't some ladies who would do this, though.
Caretaking is when you do things to please her, hoping she'll recognize your 'nice guy' attributes. Cleaning, sweeping, helping her get ready for assemblies, ect. I learned my lesson, and finally just took on a philosophy that rhymes with "bucket." Just insert an F.
Instead of helping her get ready for assemblies, join the Rotary Club or something. You do YOUR thing, while she does HERS. Next thing you know...dishes stop piling up, & laundry gets folded.
Get your own group of non-JW man friends, if that's possible. Hang out with them sometimes. She'll get it after a while, that your not an appeasing doormat to be walked all over. It worked for me, but I'm not a JW, never have been. So, I'm not subject to the elder's wrath if I form 'bad associations.'
Check out the books I referenced earlier in this thread. Women...I think there are some things in there that would help you as well, esp if your married to an uber-JW elder type yes-man. I've found that many of them are 'nice guys' in the sense that they live to please the ORG. In other words, they take the caretaking role to the other extreme, of putting the ORG first. I think alot of women in this situation can 'MAN UP' in similar ways that the guys can. Good luck & be strong.
I try hard to keep the peace.
And that's the problem!! Stop trying to keep the peace. Stop walking on eggshells. Be your own man on your own terms. But, do what's RIGHT. Like Mr. Walton. Not to sound like a goddamn commercial, but I strongly recommend you read those books I mentioned. Another one is "Hold on to your N.U.T.S. (Non-negotiable, Unalterable Terms). " different author, but right on the mark.
"I try hard to keep the peace"... as well. Any anger by me causes her to display and this will lead to distress in our adult handicapped daughter. so I walk away leaving her to stew.
Yep. It's hard NOT to get angry. I just try not to let her pull me into an argument. I simply make my case (financial decision, life choices, ect.), and try to get her involved in the decisionmaking process, as a Captain might consult the 1st Mate. If she resorts to "but you always ______," or "you never ______." Then I take the British 'stiff upper lip' approach (I'm actually American) and tell her sternly, but without yelling, that if she doesn't want to be a team player, then I'll take what course of action I deem necessary, and execute it. Again, as a Captain would do in exercising his/her authority. Upon making such a statement, I'll usually leave the situation and let things cool down. Not backing down, but not getting sucked into an argument either. Going to my bud's house to help him work on his old Mustang is theraputic as well. And it also shows her that I have my own life outside of hers.
It works for me...but admittedly, it's not a one size fits all solution. Having a special needs child involved ain't easy. I can attest to that. Blessings to your daughter, zeb.