Difference of age

by JH 35 Replies latest jw friends

  • teenyuck

    Since the main agenda of a JW girl is to find a mate, I see nothing wrong with the young women in question looking out for their own interests.

    If your choice is an older (usually divorced bro with kids; wife has custody; she cheated-you know the story) man with a steady income vs. a young, unstable (pioneering, working for the older bro's cleaning or construction company) man with no income, I would take the old man.

    You cannot feel the wrinkles in the dark....or when your eyes are closed.

    Kidding!!! Just Kidding!!

  • Maverick

    I was 28 and my 'bride' was 18. Many of the sisters gave her a lot of crap for marrying me. But we both believed 'what is ten years when compared to a thousand years'. Fifteen years later she gain over one hundred pounds and was doing the things she never got to do as a youth in the J-dud world. And we looked the same age! I felt like my oldest daughter had run amok! Would I marry a young girl again? Not very likely! I'm done with the Pygmalion thing. The rule of thumb today is get with someone who has LESS problems than you do! And my ex cost me an early retirement. Maverick

  • Sara Annie
    Sara Annie

    My husband is just shy of 10 years older than I am, and while I agree that the attitude that "age is just a number" can be thrown about in deference to the heart being blind to such matters, there are certain considerations one has to make with even a 10 year age difference in a relationship.

    On a daily basis, it's a non-issue (aside from the good natured ribbing that is abundant at our house--"Honey, when you graduated from high school, I was in third grade!" or "The year you lost your virginity, I was six years old!"). I fell in love with him, it would have mattered very little to me how old he was. I suppose that the it matters when you meet someone, as well. There's a period of in most of our lives where age means much less than it does when we're very young or getting 'old'. I was 23, he was 32. At that point in our lives we were pretty much peers. It would have been a different (and creepy!) story had we met when I was 15 and he was going on 25.

    That is not to say, however, that any significant age difference doesn't require a little forethought. Planning for a synchronized retirement makes for some pretty creative fiscal management and investment strategies. Planning our family took a some consideration about the future. And even our 10 year spread makes for some fear about living out our golden years together. Fortunately, my husband has promised that he will outlive me, and insists that I'm lucky to have found him because a younger man could never handle me...

  • LB

    Mav when I was 27 I dated a girl just out of highschool, for a very brief period of time. Sure she was pretty and looked great on the beach, but, I was an adult by then and she was still a kid. After a few days, when she couldn't keep her promise to keep quiet and stop talking I had to cut her loose. My sanity was at risk.

    For your wife to gain 100 pounds she must have been pretty unhappy. Still, people change so much from age 18 to 25 and not just physically. No one is the same person, and the person that appeals to you at 18 doesn't exisit when they are 25.

    So many bad young marriages, and older guys that marry young, well, ya should have known better I guess.

  • JH

    If I fell in love with a woman 15-20 years younger than me, I would be torn apart between love and doing what's right. Maybe I would be honored that she accepts me being 15-20 years older than her. I would see myself as the weak link in the couple.

    But on the other hand it is stupid to think it is alright if there is only 10 or 12 years difference in age, and not ok if it exceeds 15. Where do we put the limit, if we want to be reasonable? Love is an emotion, it is irrational. How can we stop it, or should we?

    Bottom line, you can fall in love and marry a person of any age, but is it wise?

    Love has nothing to do with wisdom I guess.

  • Roski

    Most of these responses sound like the JW 'can't think outside the box' syndrome. I think that some of the most fulfilled people are those that have broken boundaries, and then realize why those boundaries (social controls) were in place. Of course there are the failures - which are what most people focus on when confronted with the boundaries.

    From a very satisfied boundary-breaker.

  • sandy

    If you marry a girl younger than you and she is too young to even think for herself then I think you are cheating her out of her life. I am 27 I have never been married and do not have children. I think back to when I was 18, 21, 25 and I can see the changes in me. I am not saying that these marriages will absolutely not work but, why put yourself through the hard work it takes to make it work at such a young age? GO TO SCHOOL FIRST! COLLEGE, LEARN TO SUPPORT YOURSELF! Men and women need time to grow up and see life before they marry or have kids. That is the ideal way I know. If only young people would listen to the wisdom of the older ones.

    I cannot say I always listened to my parents. I wish I would have listened to them about plenty of things. I was just lucky to not get pregnant on an occassion or two. I never considered marriage though. I am barely now started to think about that.

  • Francois

    Frankly, I think that we are all called upon to make one of life's most important, most far-reaching decisions when we are least competent to do so. Romantic love in my opinion is characterised by a complete breakdown in rational thought, a total absence of logic; it is a form of insanity, of flight from reality. And in this state of diminished capacity we are expected to make logical, reasonable decisions. It just isn't possible to do so. Thus modern society has the highest divorce rate ever known.

    In societies where the parents arrange marriages, the unions tend to be stable and long-lasting - unclouded by the romantic fallacy.

    We are raised on fairy tales with fairy tale music and fairy tale lyrics describing impossible situations and as a result our expectations are utterly unreasonable. and when these expectations are not met we feel something is wrong, that we are missing something to which we are entitled. So we terminate the disappointing thing and try again, and again base our descisions on unreality.

    I don't think it's age so much that creates so much failure, but our buying into the romantic fallacy, born in medieval France with the troubadors and their fancies of idealistic love. (Not that I have anything against nice firm young flesh .)

    My two cents.


  • DFWnonJW

    Ok then. I've been feeling so down for so long now but this thread has shown me the "light". I never knew of this 5:1 female to male ratio. Sure wasn't that way when I was attending KH's. But anyway, I know now that the thing to do is to head straight back for the nearest KH and find me a good looking semi-intelligent straggler/outsider of a sister to hook up with. Then, help her make her JW exit and she will be eternally grateful and we'll live happily... --- oh, sorry, I guess this should be posted under the JW Urban Legends thread ---

  • Lost Diamond
    Lost Diamond

    JH, Teenyuck,

    How old are you? My guess is that you both are under 35. I wonder if you were a bit older, you might think differently. Not all folks over 50 complain about health problems.....

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