One other thing Joel, I wanted to respond to your statement about missing hope. You can have hope, it's only natural for human beings to want hope, even faith. The thing is I distinguish between having just hope and faith from having hope and faith in some thing. This would be pure hope. When you throw in an object, something to hope in, that just becomes a belief. It's like love. People can have somebody close that they love, but if their attitude is that the focus is on love, they are loving toward everyone, and the same goes for their expressions of affection. This is not something you can say about the witnesses.
By the way, if you want to talk my email is open, I'm sure there are many on this board who are there for you too.