I miss being a JW

by joelbear 59 Replies latest jw friends

  • Kenneson


    If returning to the Jehovah's Witnesses brings you happiness, peace, security and joy, then go for it. In my case, I don't miss anything the JWs have to offer. I possess them in spite of JWs.

  • gumby

    Hi Joel,

    I think most of us miss all the things you mentioned. I do......I REALLY do. I won't go back though because of the horrors this Organisation has caused in the lives of millions! Remember that.

    Lonliness can cause people to do things they know are not good but is sacrificed anyway to take away the lonliness.

    If you can't cope without it......go back and play the part if you can and see if your happier. If you are......what the hell.


  • MrMoe

    There have been times in the past sitting alone in an empty house I have missed my ex-husband to the point of sobbing, and then I would realize I was just lonely and he abused me, he was a prick and a creep and the only thing I missed was having a warm body around to keep me company.

  • shera

    Awee Moe....

    Hope things are better for you.

  • MegaDude


    you hit the nail on the head with that post. Sometimes what we think we miss isn't what we really miss.

    The things Joel said he missed, friends, safety in a community of people, hope, can be found in many other places much friendlier and more healthy than a kingdom hall.

  • FreeFallin


    I can understand how you feel. Do what you have to do. Sometimes we have to experience something again to realize whether or not it's right for us.


  • Abaddon

    You don't miss the lies and the deceipt. You forget the pettiness and lack of love. You create an idiation which does not correspond with the reality that you experienced. Remember Joel, these are people who would think that you are unclean!

    You miss the the feeling of brotherhood and unity, even if it was more fantasy than reality. Likewise, you miss a hope for the fiture that never existed.

    I'm sure kids feel the same way when they find out the tooth fairy, Santa Claus et.al are not real. Great ideas, but if a kid spent the rest of their life pineing for the beautiful little fantasy of a man in a sleigh giving gifts to children THAT NEVER EXISTED, they would waste their life.

    Don't put yourself in danger of that. You lost much time and happiness when you were in the JW's. Don't lose any more by longing for something that never was.

    You are a kind, sensitive man Joel. You have a lot to give people. I realise taking advice isn't as easy as giving it, but I feel I spend too much time complaining to myself about couldhavebeens, shouldhavebeens, wouldhavebeens. Doesn't get me anywhere other than feeling sorry for myself, or if I let it go on too long, actually making myself depressed

    However nice the idea may have been, it wasn't true. If you went back, you wouldn't find what you were looking for, you'd just be embracing a lie that would waste the rest of your life.

    Courage. Don't let them 'win'. The demonisation of the world that the Borg is so good at implanting in peoples' minds so that even after they leave they have a cancer eating away at them. It can stop you seeing how worthwhile life can be away from them. There is love, brotherhood and hope outside of that pack of lies. REAL stuff, not the falsehoods the Borg deal in.

    You are responsible for finding this love, brotherhood and hope yourself, which is scarey, believe me, but far better than taking the slops they give out and being told that NOW you can be happy.

    All the best


  • cruzanheart

    Joelbear, I feel for you. I get those feelings occasionally too but I fear that you may be starting another cycle of depression. If that is so, then going back to meetings will only feed the feelings of guilt, loneliness and depression and send you into another downward spiral. Please, please, please go talk to your therapist, vent here, look up any and all friends you have OUTSIDE the organization and try to get through this. The Kingdom Hall is NOT a healthy place. You think it will make you feel better. You remember a feeling of belonging and safety, but THAT IS NOT REAL. They will make you feel guilty for going away, guilty for not doing more, inadequate no matter what efforts you make, and stressed out because you are trying to meet impossible goals.

    Take care of YOURSELF. If you want to e-mail me, please feel free. I'll be glad to talk with you.


  • Introspection

    Joel, to me the simple direct question is this: Do you want to feel good more than you want the truth? The two are not mutually exclusive, but if you just want to feel good there are plenty of ways to go about it. Heck, you can take drugs or something completely artificial like that.

    The other part of this is that truth and love goes together. If there is no truth, then the "love" is really just a matter of feeling good, isn't it? In fact, it just becomes an addiction. So to me this is the more fundamental question beyond "what makes you happy" - will just feeling good make you happy, or do you want what's true, what's real?


    Joel, I think it's a very natural thing to miss the good things of the past, even if they were part of something which, overall, may have been distasteful. But, if I may, let me share something with you.

    I was disfellowshipped in 1978. Even though a year earlier I had already started to become disillusioned with the WBTS and resigned my eldership, that had nothing to do, directly, with my disfellowshipping. My disfellowshipping was for one of the classic reasons. However, after being disfellowshipped I began to feel a new kind of freedom. The freedom to think objectively. I no longer felt reluctant to question the ideas and teachings I had embraced all my life. I was able to recognize and declare out loud as error much of what I had once proclaimed as "the truth". Then, after about two years, I began to really miss being a JW, or at least miss the association with the only friends I had ever known. Then I began to rationalize. Maybe it was my thinking that was all screwed up. Maybe this was "Jehovah's organization". Maybe I should try to get reinstated. And I did. It took about nine months of going back to meetings and a few meetings with the committee and in 1981 I was reinstated.

    Then a funny thing happened! Once I was "back in" and the stress of trying to get and keep my s#*t together was over, I started actually paying attention in meetings again and thinking about what was being written in the publications and being said from the platform. Then in hit me! What the hell was I doing? I didn't really believe this stuff! As much as I loved many of the individuals - and, for the record, still do - I no longer had the ability to sit there and swallow the bull-dookey without a chaser. I began to see that I had moved farther away from that part of my life than I had realized. So I gradually stopped attending meetings. I just kinda faded away. That was just about twenty years ago. Now, other than an occasional memorial service at the Kingdom Hall for one of my old friends who has passed on, I never have a single thought about going back.

    The point of this little story is just to say, it's hard to go back home. If you do decide to give it a try, you will likely find it just doesn't feel like it used to. Follow your heart, but just to be on the safe side, check the roadmap of common sense ever now and then, too! I wish you the best, in whatever you decide to do.

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