by Sirona 50 Replies latest social relationships

  • Sirona

    I'm in agreement with Matty about bisexuals being called "confused" etc. That is just plain stupid, IMO, because bisexuals are simply saying they like both...thats not confusion, LOL!

    I will be honest here about myself. I haven't had sex with a woman, but I have had more than just a peck on the cheek with one or two! I think one of the main reasons I haven't had sex with a woman is that I was JW and didn't get any chance to do any experimenting. Most people experiment at University, and I didn't get to go. When I started my degree part-time I did wonder who I would meet but part time degree courses are full of middle aged house wives....LOL and exdubs like me.

    I've been to the gay village in Manchester, and that was the first time in my life that I was attracted to a particular woman who I knew was gay. Nothing happened, she with with a couple of other friends (one of them maybe her partner).

    (I know you'll groan and roll your eyes on this one) Have you ever watched Buffy? I guess its one of the first TV shows that had gay women who were good looking and in a long term relationship. I found myself more than interested in the whole concept of finding a young attractive woman to be with. You see, I often think to myself that if I chose a gay lifestyle I'd only come across the UGLY women who look like men. I'm not into women who look like men! and I'm a feminine woman too. I *really* don't understand why gay or bi women are like a "man" and a woman. One is butch one is feminine. To me that doesn't make any sense. If you wanna fancy women, fancy women, not women who look like men! (what the hell is the point of that? a "man" with boobs?)

    I reckon that even if I wanted a nice looking female partner, I'd have no chance of finding her.

    All of the above pondering about it took place before I was back with my boyfriend. I'd left the JWs and basically everything was called into question. I'm faithful to my boyfriend. I'm just not into the idea of a threesome (sorry all you men who were hoping I'd say that I was LOL!), so if I ever did sleep with a woman it would have to be just me and her - and it would have to be a person that I knew well and trusted. The thing is, that would constitute a betrayal of my boyfriend. (Its a betrayal to sleep with her when he isn't there,,,,,but OK if he is there! LOL, typical).

    I often wonder if this feeling toward women is related to my life experiences with men. Perhaps wrongly, I have less trust in men than I do in women. Mostly, I think men walk away when the going gets tough. I also think they can lack empathy.

    So just to make things more complicated, my gay (male) friend has asked me to go for a night out to the gay village with him again....


  • Sirona

    Hey, I'm revealing my deepest darkest feelings here!



  • expatbrit

    I'm sure you'll get some comments once everyone gets out of the cold shower, Sirona.


  • LB

    I think one of the main reasons I haven't had sex with a woman is that I was JW and didn't get any chance to do any experimenting.

    That one almost got me to go back out in service. They let DAed old horny guys go out in service don't they?

    Man that shower was cold.

  • Sirona


    You find my post shocking or a turn on or something?


    I guess I am more open than I thought. I was sort of just expressing how I felt about it all.


  • Matty

    Well, despite all the talk about the differences between the sexes, I don't think that we are all that different deep down, don't you think? I honestly believe that the reasons for apparent differences in ways of thinking is that men throughout history have been much more conditioned into stereotypical attitudes about sexuality than women have been.

    People who are happy with their own sexuality are usually more tolerant of others sexuality. Men seem to be far more inclined to be homophobic than women seem to be, and it is socially unacceptable for men to be sympathetic of people of a different sexuality for fear of them being labelled as such themselves. Men who call other men "Gay" just to upset or insult them, I think to a certain extent are in effect exorcising those feelings within themselves. However, the fascination that men have toward lesbians confounds me a little - is this an identifiable natural trait, or is it the result of conditioning? It must be very annoying for lesbians, the way that any exchange of affection between them in public is greeted with leery men going "Phwarrr" at them! The oddest of all to me is this: most guys seem to have no problem with the idea of their girlfriend cheating on them with another girl, it being a stock fantasy, but the same guy would be incensed with their girlfriend if they were cheating with another man. Now, in a real life situation - devoid of the locker-room machismo bulls*it, would there really be any difference?

  • JeffT

    In a column a while back Dan Savage offered an interesting idea as to why men find lesbian sex so fascinating. He made the observation that almost all male oriented porn flicks have a lesbian scene. It was his opinion that when a man is looking at two women having sex, it immediately strikes him that something is missing, namely a penis. And of course, your porn viewer will be happy to think about supplying one. Male on male porn doesn't display a similar defiency, and so has less interest for the straight guys.

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex

    Woman-woman sex is fashionable at the moment.

    Fifty years from now, it may very well be the other way around. Male-male sex could be viewed as acceptably risque. There have been other societies in history that tolerated and condoned male-male sex without placing the label of homosexual. Very few people haven't thought or fantasized (at least) at some point in their life. Does that "make" you gay? Irrelevent. I say you are what you are and it's noboby else's business.

    I think men find the idea of woman-woman sex so attractive is because men find women desirable and, on a sub-conscious level, think if that woman is so attractive then surely my wife/girlfriend would be attracted to her as well. And if my wife/girlfriend is as attracted to this woman as I am, then she will want to do to her what I would want to do. Sort of an egocentric way to look at sex. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

  • Solace

    I believe love knows no gender.

    I believe that you fall in love with the person, not the sex of a person.

    Thats just my opinion though.

  • SheilaM

    I personally love sex but don't discuss it with anyone I am not intimate with I will joke and intimate things but I Have NEVER discussed sex with others, to me that is what intimacy is keeping things between the t wo of you. I don't care what others do except the one I'm with, and I am in to men and not even all of them LOL I am very shallow I guess, I can appreciate someone being a good person, nice etc. but if I rolled over each morning and had the urge to barf it just wouldn't be worth it. Thunder looks good all the time (unlike me) it's disgusting Even when he is sick.....

    <of the very sexual but not revealing class>

    Edited by - SheilaM on 8 February 2003 11:41:28

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