DEVASTED by Wife Leaving... (page 2)

cruzanheart

I'm so sorry that your wife left you, but the peace that you're feeling is the same one I started to experience after I left the organization and started reading the Bible on my own. It's amazing how simple it is to serve God, and all the JWs who are trying madly to follow a ton of rules are completely missing the point.

I'm so sorry you felt enough pain to try to commit suicide. Please go to therapy, either one-on-one or with a group, and build your life back. Your happiness does not depend on this woman or her religion; neither does your life. You found that peace and contentment within YOURSELF and you will find the strength to go on in there too. Please don't give up - you never know what good things await you tomorrow.

And STAY ON THIS FORUM!!! You'll find a lot of good advice and good friends. It's a healing place.

Nina

Hmmm

Sorry, but you get little sympathy from me.

This sounds pretty much like Burglar's Remorse. Just like the thief who's only sorry he got caught, it sounds like your wife finally wised up that she didnt have to take crap and now you want to blame the WT.

By your own admission you cheated on her, you were domineering, you were a bad (I'd say horrible) husband. Have you thought that maybe that meddling group of JWs who pushed her out the door when you started questioning might be the same group that 'encouraged' her to stay with you after your affairs? (Ive known women to be told to stay with cheating husbands, and it usually seemed pretty clear that the elders were only concerned with preserving their 'happiest people on earth' in a 'spiritual paradise' fiction.)

Perhaps a few scriptures about honoring your husband? PERHAPS!!!!!!!!

Wow.

My wife has rebeled against me, left me unscripturally and is at fault.

Double wow.

WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THAT ABOUT?!!!
What I'm upset at and sounding off about is that it reminds me of what Jesus talked about when people would call the gifts CORBIN. That is dedicated to God. It was a convenient way of side stepping a more important issue.
Here, the marriage bond is supposed to be sacred and no man should split what God yoked, etc. But when it comes to a person studying stuff outside the Org, NOW it's like WHOA, you can't do that. YOU GOTTA LEAVE THAT MARRIAGE!

These statements sound very much to me like someone not willing to take responsibility for their actions.

You cheated on her repeatedly and you castigate HER for breaking the marriage bond?

You say you are doubting the WT, but you hold on to their silly notions of what constitutes a 'scriptural divorce' because it conveniently makes YOU the injured party?

You want her to stay in a marriage that is making HER unhappy (whether it's because of adultery or apostasy is, in my opinion, irrelevant) because YOU now see how important it is?

After years of your cheating and domineering, you expect HER to be counseled on showing honor to YOU? Do you expect her to walk two steps behind you, also?

I think you should consider the possibility that after years of acting like an ass, maybe a few months of being a better husband was just too little, too late for her. Or maybe she has come to expect such bad behavior from you that she didn't even notice that you'd made improvements. Maybe you have to just accept the fact that you did irreparable damage to the marriage and your chickens have come home to roost.

I dont mean to come down too hard on you, but as much as I dislike the WT, I find it difficult to blame them for the mess that you created.

Hmmm

[Edited (again) because my proofreader has the day off]

Edited by - hmmm on 30 January 2003 10:25:58

Edited by - hmmm on 30 January 2003 11:4:13

StinkyPantz

Amen to Hmmm, I was trying to say the same things. It seems as if everyone thinks that confuz is totally in the right about all of this, ha. His wife's only fault is allowing herself to be hurt so many times in the past.

LB

<P>Not everyone feels sorry for this man. ; I'm sorry he has to go through all this but the fault rests on his shoulders, not the societies. ; </P> <P>Perhaps a few scriptures about honoring your husband? PERHAPS!!!!!!!!
</P> <P>You are so out of line here that's it amazing that you would even consider it. ; Maybe there are more reasons for her leaving you than you have considered. ; It might be more about the type of man you are than what people pushed her into doing. ; You are blaming <STRONG>her</STRONG> for her <STRONG>unscriptual (?)</STRONG> leaving. ; She doesn't have to honor you at all after you've dishonored her. ; I don't care if the society says she has forgiven you because she spread her legs for you after you cheated. ; In the real world the rest of us know that she did not forgive you. ; She isn't Christ and I don't know of many women capable of forgiving a cheating husband. ; Especially one that wants to drag up scriptures to try and force her to stay. ; </P> <P>Work on yourself. ; Stop looking for sympathy and stop pointing fingers. ; Accept full responsibility for her leaving and then you'll be ready for a relationship with a woman. ; I doubt it will be her. ; It seems she has moved on, I suggest you do the same.</P>

nightwarrior

hi confuciouse.

A sister whom had a terrible marriage wherby her husband initialy was an out & out drunk as in alcholic, anyways they both became baptized in due course,this man sorry to say was like a washed out skeleton with no personality,no sense of humour he was justlike a zomby,and i mean it literaly ,no smile no compassion just a thing devoid of human responses ,yet his wife stuck by him as a j.w. his former life with his wife was spent working and drinking binges all of ther married life,she said to me one day i would rather have my husband drunk all the time than the person or thing the society accept as a blueprint for a human he still goes through the motions of being an absent husband,yet his wife still sticks with him ,as he is sanctioned by the society ,allthough with no human atributes,

In your case, i would start going to the kingdom hall your wife is in or maybee one close by and take up with someone within the same cong and make her jealouse ,play the game and go play as many as her friends as you can,ring her closest friend up and confide in her tell her you need someone to talk to,better stillgo back to your mistresses and start a new life become strong within yourself,another thing you could find headed notepaper from the bethel and send her a letter direct from them demanding that she return back to her marriage mate as she is bringing reproach onto the organization,

Send that letter as she cannot but obey if it is sent from the bethel.

LB

hmmm, my post went off the page, cute.

no sympathy here at all. stop blaming the society and place the blame where it belongs. With you.

ashitaka

Hey dude, you cheated and paid the piper. Move on. Now that you're willing to be a good person, perhaps you can start over, and chalk up her leaving you to your actions, and not to the WTBTS. Granted, she was encouraged to leave after you cheated on her twice, but dude, after the first time, I would have divorced you too.

If you need someone, find a support group, or find a good therapist. Stay away from yes men and the witnesses, and find an honest friend who won't condone everything you do, but will understand the situation you're in now.

You did make the mistakes, but now it is time to move on. Try bettering yourself...go back to school, join a club, help someone. Don't be thinking about yourself, and you'll find someone else who will see the new you, and the JWs will have no control over that.

ash

Mary

".....Perhaps a few scriptures about honoring your husband? PERHAPS!!!!!!!! ....."

How about the scriptures telling husbands to love their wives as their own bodies? Or perhaps what about the scriptures that condemn adultery?

"...My wife has rebeled against me, left me unscripturally and is at fault...."

Your wife rebelled against YOU? Surely you jest. YOU'RE the one that had mistresses coming out of your ears, not her.

"....Here, the marriage bond is supposed to be sacred and no man should split what God yoked, etc...."

Perhaps you should have thought of that before you screwed around eh?

"......Is it ONLY ME? It just bothers me that here my wife has totally rebeled against God's Arrangement of Marriage, BUT IT'S LIKE, HEY LOOK HOW SPIRITUAL SHE IS. SHE'S SEEKING GOD FIRST. And the thing is guys, I was a BAD Husband. I was domineering. I cheated on her...."

This statement is beyond belief. You were a rotten, dominering (controlling, chauvenistic) husband who fooled around on your wife time and time again and you're now trying to say that she has "totally rebelled agains God's Arrangment of Marriage"??!! Perhaps you should think about becoming a Muslim, because you seemed to have the same backwards idea about marriage and a "woman's place" as what they do.

Your challenging her beliefs (which is probably the only thing she probably felt she could still rely on) was more than likely the last straw for her. She obviously was not happy in the marriage and this was her "out". You destroyed her belief and faith in her marriage, she wasn't going to let you do it to her religion. Regardless of the fact that this religion is not "the truth", your wife obviously has no intention of leaving it.

I truly hope that if you get married again in the future, that you will treat your new wife with alot more love, faithfulness and equality, than what you did this time round.

Nosferatu

Hello confuzcious! I completely understand how it feels when your mate leaves you, when it seems so damn unfair. I had the fun experience of having my common-law wife leave me almost 2 years ago. I've recovered quite well from it, however I got some help along the way. One thing that I've learned is that you DON'T need a mate to make your life happy.

I got a lot of support from the following website, and I post advice there sometimes: http://www.sosuave.com They have a discussion board, and you'll get some great advice on women and on yourself from very experienced people. Take care, and try to look upon this as a new beginning.

worf

Cofuzious,

E-mail me. I can relate to what you are going through.

Worf (former elder)

DEVASTED by Wife Leaving...

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