Does the Watchtower break up famelies?

by OlderTom 50 Replies latest jw friends

  • outnfree

    That's for PUBLIC consumption -- but where is the private, practical APPLICATION?

    Many find it lacking in "Jehovah's" organization.

    Larc & Zazu,
    I'm sorry for the pins'n'needles situation. Shame you need to keep hiding, but KEEP HIDING!

    The elders appear to be "too busy" to attend to the lost sheep. Nobody concerned themselves about me while I was slowing down to zero meeting attendance.

    Welcome, Hester!

    And, YES, Older Tom, as your [very sad] story proves -- the WTBTS DOES break up families. With no good reason, at all, IMVHO.


  • TMS

    Patio, I was being semi-facetious, thought use of the phrase "wax eloquent" would indicate the family-support words have a hollow ring.

    My post had to be aborted, but I just threw those concepts into the ring.

    My own personal experience in a nutshell:

    48 years as a baptized witness, 35 years as an elder/congregation servant/overseer, etc. All those "privileges" came to a crashing halt 8 years ago, when I made an instantaneous decision to allow an "adult" son, DF'd for what amounted to stupid childish vandalism, to live with my wife and I.

    Never have I regretted that decision, but it changed our lives drastically and permanently.

    By throwing those quotes into the mix, I gave the wrong impression. Believe me I am well aware of the affect Watchtower policy has on the family.


  • HesterPryne


    I should identify myself to you. I use to be the proud ower of a webtv news group.Remmber? I found this place courtesy of you...thank you very much. It truly is a good place for healing.

    I think what caused me the most distress was the fact that I had been out for so long and when the shunning began it hit me like a bolt of forwarning that I was about to loose my parents. JW were under the assumption that since I had disassociated myself that I wasn't to be shunned like a df'd person. Since 1981 JW's had continued to talk to me when I would see them. Not now..

    I hope you and your wife are sucessful in avoiding the 2 men with briefcases. Eventually they will da you and make the announcment to the congregation. It will probably be left to one of your family members to make you aware of your NEW status.


    I would like to see the article 'Caring for Aged Ones'.(maybe I should subscribe to the Watchtower and Awake.) That is a particular concern of mine. Who cares for my aged parents? They still get around , but they are ages 67 and 77. Its getting hard for them to take care of their lawn, shovel snow etc.

    Your story is what my parents fear. They have been faithful JW's since 1956. It is there life. It is where all of there energies have been spent. It would crush them to loose their beloved Society.....better to sacrifice 3 children. I'm glad you chose your son.

  • nojw86

    It certainley does break up families. Here we have out for 15 yrs. never a call well maybe one in the beginning. I am now very ill and no family members will try to inguire as to how I am, what a shameful org, this is. We were never df. just walked out and never walked back in. One of the last meetings I remember was this elder stood on the plat form and said at the beginning of the thrus. meeting, there are some people in here that don't belong here, that are unfriendly to that effect. Well after that we decided that we did not belong there. We heard that new elders from Bethel were sent there for aide to the cong. But we did lose our families, our daughter lost all cousins and a grandmother as well. But they are the ones who are always persecuted and in that effect they are loved by god.But they use the word shunning a family member when in reality it is persecuting a family member who is loved by god... nojw

  • Esmeralda

    Hester, glad to meet you too, glad you stopped lurking and are sharing your views with us! :)

    Uni girl, you said:

    I can't accept any religion that tells a mother to pretend that her son doesn't exist or asks a
    son to pretend that he has no mother. It is not normal and hurts people so very much that it
    is beyond cruel. I can not accept this action and it is the one single thing that convinces me
    that it isn't any where near the truth. Essie, my boyfriend had the exact same thing happen to how is that a good thing???

    I'm sorry for your boyfriends situation. Having your mother say such things to you, the person
    who gave birth to you and is supposed to be your protector in a special kind of hell. I wish
    he didn't have to go through that.

    It's not a good thing, they can say they're being loving but when it comes down to it, I know
    that many of them believe otherwise. One of the biggest struggles my sister (very devout JW) has
    is the fact that the family won't talk to me, but they regularly associate with my ex husband who
    is, in reality, nothing that he claims to be.

    In my opinion the only good that can come of any of it is that people like yourself, and my husband,
    can clearly see that this 'religion' is nowhere near the 'truth' because of such conduct.

    They know on some level that it's b.s. but they're not strong enough to defy the laws
    of the Borg. It's such a shame, because years are being lost. People don't live forever,
    I keep telling them, we should appreciate the living while they're alive because no one
    knows what will happen tomorrow...


    The Four Agreements:
    Be Impeccable With Your Word
    Don't Take Anything Personally
    Don't Make Assumptions
    Always Do Your Best

  • Esmeralda

    p.s. Nojw....((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

    Believe me, its their loss. I know that doesn't help your feelings any...but its the truth. It
    may even be a blessing in disguise...because they would most likely just be pressuring you
    to 'make things right' with Jehovah because of your illness. You don't need that!

    I think what you may be missing in reality is (and I know this is true of me) the family we
    wish we had. That we have never had, because our families are not normal in
    any sense. I think that all we can do is try to become family to eachother.

    They say that you can't miss what you never had...I disagree. I think its entirely possible...

    *huge hugs*

    p.s. none of my family has checked on me since my MS diagnosis last year. Not
    even when I was in the hospital because they thought I'd had a stroke, or brain
    tumor. I know that they know about it, gossip travels at lightning speed. I know that if my diagnosis had been cancer,
    they'd be acting just the same way. Because at the end of the day, they care more about
    their God, the Watchtower Society, then they do about their family.


  • nojw86

    Hugs back to you Es. And it comes as a shock to me about your MS so sorry to hear Es, please take my best of wishes for you. What a shameful org . this is, and the harm they can accomplish,....All i can say is its their loss. Hugs nojw PS ( aside from publishing how many halls they building , publish how many familes they have separated and broken up.)

  • mommy

    Older Tom,
    I was not aware of your story, until now. You have endured so much, I want to extend my hand to you, aww shucks give me a hug It is so heartbreaking, and the reality is, once it is gone you can never get them back. Just as in the family who has lost loved ones over the blood issue. Or families tore apart because of political laws. And you are right, they claim, "Look at the persucution you have endured, Jesus said it would be like this" And you continue on, with a heavier heart, thinking you are following God. How sad.

    I am so glad you were able to post. I know it can be a little intimidating, on your first post. But you must trust us, because you shared yourself so well, thank you. I loved your comment about your parents never really knowing you. I can relate, I am 26 years old and have been out of the org for over 8 years, and my mother(active JW) still doesn't know me. I walked away from he org, I was not reproved, Da'd, Df'd, or marked, I left them to look for God. Also your comment of your parents sacrificing all for the society, mine did as well. My mother continues too, I find it easier to accept for her to stay, the older she gets. I don't want her heart broken, I don't want her to wake up(maybe a little I do)Anyway, Thank you, and I am looking forward to more posts from you

    What a beautiful name! Welcome to the forum. I hadn't noticed until you mentioned it, that many are not visited. I did notice when I was in the org, how quickly someone was labeled. Heck they even used them in assembly parts. Sis spirutually weak, Bro irregular etc. Maybe the brothers already make up their minds about a person, and when they eventually leave, they don't call or visit. Also some have mentioned on this forum, how they questioned the org, even with letters that requested a reply. It could be the brothers are scared of this(it is apostate you know)Anyway, I can't figure them out still!

    I completely agree 100% How can this be a good thing? It is not, but believe me they will quote and twist scriptures to make it appear so. How sad for your boyfriend, I am glad he found you, you really are a sweetheart!

    (((((Hugs))))) I know I love you.

    I love that quote too! Thanks for posting it.

    I had no idea, I am really proud of you. The times we spoke in chat I knew you were a man of character. You just proved yourself, thank you for loving your son.

    I agree they should have the name changed from shunning to persecution. How much more appropriate, to the situation. I have a carrot dangling, sometimes I get a call, sometimes I don't. For a very long time I sat on pins and needles waiting for the ultimate day of shunning. But now that I have all of you here, I say bring it on. I am so much stronger, and I have been able to settle my mind on the org. I did not want to be part of them, therefore I left. I will not be affected for the rest of my days by them...I left!

  • Simon

    The WTS definitely does break up families - it broke up ours !

    I was specifically told that I should not speak to my father who was df'd or else.

    During my recent meeting with the elders where they claimed I had distasteful material on my website I told them that I found the material on their web-site very objectionable as it was an outright lie. Their response? "Well don't read it then". I told them it worked both ways and to not read mine then .

  • patio34


    Oops! Sorry, I guess subtly was lost on me--thanks for clearing that up! You've taken quite a hit.

    Mommy, good point about calling it persecution instead of shunning!

    Another change that more accurately reflects the situation: call it heresy instead of apostasy. Non-jws don't know what apostasy stands for, but 'heresy' is well-known and reflects on the once calling the name, not the one called by the name.

    Esmerelda and nojw86, so sorry about your health and the unbelievable coldness shown by your families. Really shows the true colors of the WTS (by their fruits you shall know them).
    However, there is a member of my family who is such an irritant to me, I don't think I'd mind the shunning! He manages to work the words 'pioneering,' 'service,' and meetings, etc. into every paragraph he speaks. He is so arrogant and self-centered! Harumph!

    Always reminds me of Erma Bombeck's book 'Family ties that bind and gag'!


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