I almost gave up today except for a girl her tried to throw herself infront of two cars.............
This may sound insane but I literally have blood on my hands as I have just come home from a counselling session that went wrong...I wanted to collate all that has happened and record it...Hospital policy is against it. I said "What am I alive for then if not to tell the truth" She tut tutted and I walked out sadly in despair.
When I got to the ground floor there was a young girl screaming her head off. She was afraid, that is all she was...........afraid. She was walking fast and looked like she could throw a good punch if needed. I saw the cowards letting her go........".not today, not today" I thought...I went right next to her and followed her out of the clinic....She went into the middle of the road and tried to throw herself infront of a big black vehicle. I grabbed her hard and said........" I love you, you must not die". I don't know why I said it but I really felt this intense love and fear for her....She was dodging me, not looking me in the eyes.........Another car came by, she ran for it....I literally pushed her away and I swear it missed me by about a foot....I grabbed her and said she reminded me of someone I used to know really well...." Who? What are you? Are you one of them? " "No, I am like you and you are really pretty with lovely hair and I really do mean it. I love you and want you to get past this and live"
She ran away and grabbed a bottle and smashed it on the ground and started slashing herself. I came up to her and said it was okay and showed her my scars...Everytime the blood flowed I drew love hearts out of it. I could think of no other way to let her know that I cared. I told her my name..........Juliette and asked her to remember me as the one who drew love hearts with her blood and her pain. I told her it was okay to burst her boil of pain and ..........."By the way, who hurt you that you want to hurt yourself?" "My father:" She said....I got her to drop one piece of glass so that I could hold her cold hand and I kept telling her that blood was okay, I understood and that she was safe with me...." Why are you doing this". >> "Because I really do care and I love you believe it or not, I really understand and am not afraid of your expressions of pain..." I asked her her name.....Riley....I said she must try to stay in a safe fold, I would not let her die while I was there.
This coward of a man. A psychiatrist came out, they all came out........they stood ridiculously far away, afraid for themselves..........He asked me what she said.......I told him she would most definitely kill herself, she had just literally tried to throw herself infront of two cars..." While you watched me and her and did not help!!!!!!!!!!!!" Asshole
He actually asked me what he needed to do...I said...Tell her you love her and that you want her to live and surivive her sexual abuse instead of freaking her out all the time, with your' f_*)*)ing drugs...." Believe me she will do it."
I had calmed her to the point that she was slowing down on the slashing side of things....She promised me she was clean........oh God, as if I care. I really don't...She is so young and afraid.
What if I had sat in that counselling session on minute longer? What if she had succeeded in killing herself.........Not on my bloody watch....I lost my Emma to suicide...
They took her in, under police escort. I told her to tell me my name..........Juliette! " Good girl" I said. " I have put your; jacket inside and I will remember you always, I will watch out for you".
Shattered I got into my car came home poured a stiff scotch and put Pink Floyd on.
There was the answer to my pathetic question of "Why am I here and why was I ever born?"
Good for you and be proud you could help someone. To many people fall through the cracks in life.
I am devastated I wanted to bring her home where she would be safe...She looked so much like my Emma....I don't give a shit anymore...My name is Juliette, I care about others I am not afraid. I am going to testify and my family have somehow found out...So bloody what...There is some reason for all of us to care and love and put ourselves out there...I am very sure of this part of my thinking and my heart.......
Words fail. I love you too. Well done. For everything.
Good for you Juliette . You are a
Umbertoecho you have just been through something that is very traumatic and it is having a very huge affect on you which may be very helpful but you have been going through a very very tough time yourself. Could you please ask for another counselling session straight away. You need to talk this out with a professional and the person who has already been talking to you (although probably not the one who tut tutted you today).
I think you are going through some very strong emotions and they will change as the trauma of this situation 'hits' you more. Talking to someone now will help you work through these emotions and let you decide that the steps you feel you want to take now that are in your best interest and what you are sure you want to do.
As much as this has been a horrible thing to happen to the girl you were able to help, we care very much for you too and don't want to see you make decisions that you may later regret.
Ditto for what listener said , that experience will affect you more than you realise .
By the way , well done , you never know how that intervention on your part will help that poor girl.
I don't understand what you just went through but please know that I care.
Sounds like you have made a huge difference to some ones life as well as your own. Wishing you peace Juliette.
umberto..........powerful stuff. I read this to Bobby Darin singing "Mack the knife". It was on the radio. It ramped up the intensity of feeling your emotion lifting off the page I can tell you. You have made a difference to my life, as have everyone else who takes time out to post. Your all stars. Please accept my love and concern. I don't say this glibly. Take care.