Why Me?

by John Aquila 69 Replies latest jw experiences

  • John Aquila
    John Aquila

    Do you ever wonder why out of all the Witnesses, you are the one that woke up? I wonder many times why me. I know many men and women that are much, much better persons than me; either they are much smarter, more humble, kinder, more successful, or just better persons all around.

    My mom for example is the greatest woman I have ever met. That lady has only a 1st grade education, is 90 percent deaf, and when I was born, my father left us and she raised me all by herself. She always put me first in her life. I will never be that good of a person.

    I’ve seen brothers that were truly caring and self-sacrificing die of old age and never waking up they were misled. I’ve seen the kindest grand moms get cancer and die a slow death totally unaware they were in a cult.

    Then I see myself, I don’t even come close to some of these people.

    So why did I wake up?

    This is what makes it hard for me to believe that God is a good person. If anyone deserves to wake up and escape the cult, it’s all these other people that are better than me. They deserve to enjoy their life free from guilt and fear.

    Because I see this, sometimes I question myself if perhaps I’m wrong. But then I reflect on the abuses of the organization and I’m back to square one.

    If there was a God that cared, he would pull out these good people out of the cult first. The Bible says;

    “Jehovah knows how to deliver righteous people”

    But that’s not the case is it?

  • cantleave
    Sounds like you are waking up a second time, this is exactly the thought process I went through as I moved from believer to agnostic and then to atheist.
  • Xanthippe

    Sometimes I think it is the very reason that we suffered so much in the religion, because we were always questioning. You are still questioning now when you ask, why me. Those that accept things find the religion and possibly life in general easier to deal with.

    If you constantly question everything your whole life it can make life quite uncomfortable. It's easier to just go along with the crowd but you obviously can't do that. It's not about being a good person it's about thinking for yourself

  • Ucantnome

    Some people are happy being witnesses and being elders etc.

    I always felt i would never have been a witness if my parents had not. The meeting attendance and reaching out for this and that was not me. I remained a witness because i believed the teachings up until i could no longer preach/witness with a clear conscience due to my understanding. I have to be happy with what i do and that is the same for everyone else.

    I also even after 20 years of being away from the witnesses still question why I left and what I believe. We are always learning. Discussing a Marlowe play i learnt something about hell recently.

  • Sabin
    John Aquila, tell me this, why didn't all those people wake up when Jesus was in front of them? The religious leaders looking for the son of God & they missed him. Why? I think sometimes people just don't like to be wrong, it`s to much like hard work like being in a comfortable marriage there is no chemistry but it would be to much bother to do something about it. I think a lot of J Dub`s are aware that it`s not right but they are happy so don't rock the boat. I`ve often thought with this R.C. going on what the hell is wrong with these people it`s child abuse, not some disagreement over some doctrine, my husband tells me they don't want to know, they don't want to question it. It makes me feel mad but he`s so right. I think it`s what we call apathy.
  • John Aquila
    John Aquila

    Sabin those are all good points. I makes me feel not so all alone.

    I want to thank everyone else for their comments.

  • Phizzy

    I simply cannot understand why the bloody hell it took me so long.

    I was born-in of course, but I was always questioning things, not to the right degree obviously, but as I was not one to swallow all the B.S I would have thought my waking up would be long ago.

    I reckon it was simply that the Internet was not available. I really respect all those of you who woke up and left before the Net.

    Still, the years of freedom and happiness I have had, and will have, since leaving that horrible JW religion are to be cherished, and regret is not a good thing to hang on to.

  • Diogenesister
    JohnAquilla My mom for example is the greatest woman I have ever met. That lady has only a 1st grade education, is 90 percent deaf, and when I was born, my father left us and she raised me all by herself. She always put me first in her life. I will never be that good of a person.

    Wow, she sounds like SOME woman, not to be rude but men are crazy! Who would leave a woman like that!I would literally give my right eyeball to have a mother like that and BE a mother that good. You are a lucky boy.

    Regarding good folk like mum Aquilla, I sometimes think they are just too good to SEE the bad in others, it just doesn"t exist in their 'world' of thought. I think this applies especially to older one's who were taught not to question and belief in God was a given. I also think as the wtbts has expanded it has lost its "amateur" men of goodwill vibe and feels more like the big business corporation it is. I think all religons must have had that small, first century brothers united in love vibe in the beginning. Riches mean power and this attracts the greedy and the power-mongers and the watchtower is certainly rich.

    I DO however think education has a LOT to do with it. The priviledge of a university education was for the rich only in the not too distant past, even in the developed world. A undergraduate Philosophy module was certainly the final nail in the coffin for me.Some folk don't have that oppertunity, certainly as I have mentioned older one's who have not had the benefits newer generations have. This particularly applies to evolutionary science and the dissemenation of information, that we are far from the only human species to have walked the earth. Once you learn the scientific method CAN be trusted, anyone with a modicum of curiosity, a primary human characteristic, will soon learn that there is MUCH to question in the Bible.

    Of course, despite the fact many of us have escaped, we still underestimate the power of of the cult.....one two three oubliette....lets review...it's a cult!

  • John Aquila
    John Aquila
    I sometimes think they are just too good to SEE the bad in others, it just doesn"t exist in their 'world' of thought.

    That makes absolutely perfect sense D. They have the highest hope for everyone, even the bad.

  • OnTheWayOut

    As amazed as I was when I discovered TTATT, I am more of the thought, "Why not the rest of them?" I read somewhere (probably on this forum) that Jehovah's Witnesses should really be kind of a ten-to-fifteen-years-and-you're-out kind of religion. I didn't agree on the time factor, but otherwise thought it had some merit. I thought that many many many members would do as I did and examine the changing doctrines.

    But it just isn't so. It frustrates me to no end to point out a huge problem with the JW's, like telling my wife about all that's going on in Australia and the failed policies, and all she does is say "No, they report such allegations. This can't be true." And no matter what I said or add to it, she wouldn't even consider examining unbiased reports for herself.

    The rewiring of the brain is sufficient in a majority of cases to prevent members from committing thoughtcrime. "They said they joined the UN for a library card, so that's it." "They said they report these crimes committed by a few bad people who joined the organization, so they do, and they get rid of the bad people." "They have all of their chronology worked out on charts, so it is so."

    No, truly I am amazed that so many more don't wake up.

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