Where do I go for support???

scaredyetresolved

I would love some support since I am scared and confused, but I don't know where to turn. My husband and I are both having our eyes opened wide after years of doubts. We have finally read the "apostate literature" over the past few weeks and have checked and rechecked their sources. We are both wanting to completely seperate ourselves from organized religion, but we were both "raised in the truth" and have NOONE to turn to! We are also worried about our minor children since we want them to make the separation as well without feeling torn away from everyone they know and love. I have no doubt we are seeing the true light now and that we are wanting to do the right thing, but doing it is so difficult. How? When? What is going to happen? Also, we are considering observing secular holidays and beginning to start traditions in our family, but I don't even know how to begin! I feel like I was born this week and I have to learn how to walk, talk, and even feel all over again. I am really aching inside for our kids. I should have put my foot down a long time ago when I felt that something was really wrong amongst the "organization." Can someone help me? I think I need to be taken under someone's wing and shown the way.

Fire Dragon

You've come to the right place. Welcome! There are a lot of 'wings' here. I've only been out for 10 months myself but some of these folks have been out for decades! You will get a LOT of support. Be prepared for tough times ahead....but fret not, it is WELL worth it!

-Fire

pettygrudger

First, take a step back and take a deep breath. Relax, this is the beginning of although bumpy, a valuable journey.

You and your husband are stepping back together - and thats a real real wonderful thing. So many here have left w/out their mates & lost their entire families.

You are already taking step #1 - to learn about the organization you & hubby have been raised in. Continue to learn. You don't have to all of the sudden make some "announcement" to those you know & love. You can slowly fade if that's easier.

Step #2 - try to be kind to each other through this process. It could get rough at times for both of you. Love each other & use patience, its hard when your entire belief structure falls around your feet & you have to pick up the pieces.

Just keep posting here, ask questions - trust me, you'll learn what to do.....no one can answer that question for you - its too individualistic & personal.

There are ex-JW meet-ups around the country - take a look at the link at the bottom of this page.

And welcome to the board!

cruzanheart

Welcome! You're in the right place for a LOT of loving help. Big Tex and I are going through the same thing. Our children are 9 and 6 and we cautiously started celebrating birthdays in October. Jennie (our 9-year-old) had a quiet celebration of her birthday and attended the birthday party of a friend that week. She was a little shy about it but had a great time! Jackson (the 6-year-old) is now making plans for his 7th birthday in March and is having a wonderful time with it. Both children were delighted to buy me my first birthday cards in December. As for Christmas, we're not officially celebrating this year, but maybe next year! (I think Big Tex is hesitant about having to hang lights on a 2-story house!) However, we are giving gifts to our friends and teachers and kind of cautiously easing into it.

It's very difficult to leave and you may have horrible thoughts that you will be causing the death of your children by leaving, but you are NOT. Believe in the loving God of the Bible and the mercy of Jesus Christ and realize that they will not judge you harshly, as the Witnesses do. Our children are happier now that they have a wide variety of friends, and when they get older they will make up their own minds about spirituality.

If you start feeling too stressed out about it, consider going to therapy. I'm doing that for a whole lot of reasons, and it's been very helpful in getting a more balanced and sane view of life.

Feel free to e-mail me privately if you want to talk! If you can't get through on my posted e-mail, try [email protected]. I look forward to hearing from you! Hang in there!

Love,

Nina

acsot

Hi and welcome!

I'm pretty new here myself. Although I can't relate to how to help your children (I'm single), I certainly can relate to what you said about the organization and doubts and seeing the "light". I'm still officially "in good standing", basically because my elderly mother lives with me now and I still attend some meetings so she can get out of the house. I'm basically just waiting things out while she's still with me before I decide on how to sever my ties with the WT, either DA myself or do a fade, or whatever. However, the immense relief I feel in now knowing that it's not me who's at fault for all these feelings (guilt, inadequacy, doubts, never doing enough, not being good enough, yet seeing all the hypocrisy in the organization) more than makes up for the bit of time I spend at the meetings.

I certainly can relate, however, to what you said:

we are considering observing secular holidays and beginning to start traditions in our family, but I don't even know how to begin! I feel like I was born this week and I have to learn how to walk, talk, and even feel all over again.

I've been feeling the exact same way! Where does one start? You'll notice that often people will write things they've been experiencing or feeling that are precisely what you've been going through. It was a real eye-opener and comfort to know that I wasn't alone. I don't get a chance to post often (I'm doing this at work now), but I do manage to read many of the posts others make and find myself sharing the same sentiments and at times the same experiences.

So I guess many of us are in the same boat, like being in a "life kindergarten", but at least this way we can learn from each other. This is a place where people are allowed to have their own feelings and thoughts and are able to exchange ideas (or fight about ideas ) and it's all okay.

Others with kids will be able to give you more practical support and advice. I just want to say welcome.

Nosferatu

I must say, congradulations on finding out the truth about the truth! It's one hell of a road getting out and going to a "normal" life after never having been exposed to it. Holidays are going to be awkward for quite a while (I've been out for 6 years, and I'm still having trouble getting used to it). I don't know how much help I can be, since I was never baptized, I just wanted to wish you good luck on your new life. You'll discover lots of wonderful things that you've never experienced. There is nothing but good that can come out of you & your husband's decision.

Also, regarding your children, you'll save them from a lot of torment that many young people go through as JWs. It might be a wise idea to move out of the area (not necessarily the city), and if your children are in school, it might be a good idea to get them to transfer to start a new life. This is what I did, and it did me a lot of good.

I wish you the best on this new journey you have begun.

Yerusalyim

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" You seem to be several steps into it already. BRAVO! and WELCOME. Start celebrating the holidays by celebrating the holidays. Get a tree if you like, there's still time. Get a few simple gifts for the kids, one for hubby, and plan a nice special meal for Christmas day (which, per U.S. Grant, is a secular holiday). This board will be here to support you as long as Simon can put up with us.

You are doing the kids a big favor, you'd be suprised at how quickly they'll form new relationships with "worldly" kids. The road won't be easy, but it will be well worth it. God Bless.

bikerchic

Welcome Scaredyetresolved!

You will find all the support you need here from some of the most loving people who have been there and done that.

pettygrudger said:

You are already taking step #1 - to learn about the organization you & hubby have been raised in. Continue to learn. You don't have to all of the sudden make some "announcement" to those you know & love. You can slowly fade if that's easier.
Step #2 - try to be kind to each other through this process. It could get rough at times for both of you. Love each other & use patience, its hard when your entire belief structure falls around your feet & you have to pick up the pieces.

That is really good advise! This is the place to be, this forum will be the safe wings for you to trust as you exit the WT. Best wishes for you and your family!

Katie

LB

It's great that you are both leaving together. Too many families have been torn apart over this. I doubt that your children are going to suffer at all. Kids really adapt well. We moved 500 miles when my son was in highschool and he fit in up here his first day. Also getting to participate in school activities with the other kids will help your children a lot. I doubt they'll ever look back.

CoonDawg

Welcome, scared. I'm kinda new, but I don't post all that much here. I can say that reading your story touched me. I too was raised a JW and after 25 years, decided that it's not for me. My wife is still a witness, though a liberal one who doesn't give me much grief about my choices. My daughter is still with my JW exwife and is being raised in a JW extremist household. I hope that many here can offer you insight through their posts and experience. Just remember when you come to places like this, take what you need, contribute what you want ...and forget the rest.

Good luck on your journey to you and your husband.

Coon

Where do I go for support???

Share this