Is Disagreement REALLY Fanning A Flame?

by minimus 26 Replies latest jw friends

  • larc

    Excellent subject and excellent comments. I think how we word things can make a big difference. A person can say, "you are a fool." Why do that? Why not say, "I think that is a foolish idea, and here is why." Also, I think it is good to throw in a few disclaimers, like, "In my opinion", rather than a declarative statement of fact. As my wife just pointed out to me while I am writing this, people let their emotions get the best of them and write stupid things. I know I have done that in the past, and try to curb myself from doing it anymore. Sometimes, I let some time go by before I reply, if I am really steamed up.

  • jack2

    Mulan, if you decide to post that thread you had in mind, I'd be very interested in reading it and perhaps posting.

    Amazing, it takes a real man (or woman, of course) to admit that they may have been wrong, and also that they may not have seen some things clearly. So you are a stand-up guy, guy. I hope one day those friendships you spoke of can be rekindled.

  • Mulan

    Thank you!! I needed to hear all of this.

    Sean..........great points. Really good. So glad you are writing here again. too.

  • Joyzabel

    Good thoughts here.

    Yes, Mulan, post a thread by that title, that would be a great discussion.


  • minimus

    "You don't have to resort to name calling."...Those that do that the most are the ones that always need praise and validation.

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex M&M! And stop that dancing!!!!

  • kenpodragon

    I like to see all threads on subjects a mini-debates at times. I try to put some thought into my response, with thoughts that express my views in a concise manner. What I notice though is that some people avoid my thoughts and just argue about nothing with large BOLD words of "how dare you?" and "how could you?" all of which shows one side is debating and one side is arguing. I learn from debates more then I learn from arguments. As debates, when done right, can give a lot of incite to life.

    My thought


  • jst2laws

    Hello Minimus

    Good time to bring this up. I liked several comments on name calling. That is childish and betrays a failure to keep emotions from ruling our thinking rather than facts. I have been VERY inclined to yield to this urge lately. I want to apologize in advance for the occasion in the future that I fail.

    However, name calling I can understand and tolerated more than unfounded accusations. Freedom to differ does not mean freedom to ruin a person with accusations based on supposition or guilt by association.

    When my reputation was ruined by a circuit overseer who embellished the truth and told outright lies about me, a brother suggested I spread through the circuit that the CO was a pedophile. He was only joking to make a point. We both knew, no matter how much a person is hurt, we have no right to hurt others with umprovable accusations.

    So yes, we can disagree without fanning a flame war. But misrepresentation of facts does not belong in any discussion, and defending oneself from misrepresentation is not fanning a flame war. Differing is fine. It would be dull here without it. But personal attacks of another's motive or integrity is not differing, it is an attack. Just hope we can keep the two separate.


    ... I was not wrong on my points ... I did miss some of their valid points ... and in an effort to prove myself right, I eventually lost two online friends or at least good fellow posters, and lost the opportunity to really know Amnesian ... sometimes, even if one is right, the price of proof is not worth the net result .

    Now that is amazing. Well said, humble and true. Especially "sometimes, even if one is right, the price of proof is not worth the net result."


    edited for terrible spelling

    Edited by - Jst2laws on 29 October 2002 1:28:17

  • Farkel


    : Maybe someday I can reconcile with them.

    This is in the works as we speak. I feel exactly like you and overtures have been made. I'm optomistic things will work out with those other good folks and us.


  • Simon

    Yes, I dont mind people disagreeing with me ('cause I am often wrong) or even some name calling but what I hate most is misrepresentation of facts or outright lies.

    It's possible to strongly disagree on a subject and have a great discussion debate and likewise, it's possible to be quite close argument wise and yet have a very poor debate that consists of name calling.

    One thing that never ceases to amaze me is how argumentative and stubborn exJWs are - most simply cannot let something drop and when this is combined with personal insults then problems can arise/

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