Tiring of Anti-JW causes?

by ashitaka 48 Replies latest jw friends

  • BugParadise
    Ash~>I agree with you, but after being here for almost a year, I can't say I've helped anyone. That bothers me, I think.

    Hi Ash,

    I bet you have helped more then you'll ever know. Many lurkers just read and never post so that feedback doesn't always make it to the board. Also your experience helps others who are not JW's to learn what it's all about as best they can without having hands on experience. I imagine others who may have been considering joining this sect have decided it wasn't for them after reading posts on forums and other information found on the Web. They are then spared the painful experiences that may have been in their future had they joined and found out the whole picture was not exactly as pretty as the study conductor painted it. I myself feel each contribution is a help to someone. Keep up the good work!


  • ISP

    For some you need 'amnesty and amnesia'......i.e. once you have dealt with the responsibility issues...you have to move on. It serves you to forget it, otherwise you may never get over it.


  • FreeToBeMe


    I, like some others in this forum, have been out of the Org. for a long time (23 years). If I'd spent the last 23 years 'fighting' the Org... well I doubt that I would've survived emotionally. I'm not some great shining beacon, nor a disgruntled apostate on a mission to purge the world of JWs... though for a time I went through that period in my life too. I go about my life today extending kindness to those that wish what I have to offer. It appears to be paying dividends again, as it has done on numerous occasions previously... here's what happened last night

    My brother rang...

    He was df'd a while ago, I don't know why, though he mentioned something about being forced to make a decision having da'd himself. It seems he was 'pursued' and given the 'if you ain't for us you're against us' treatment. Anyway, in spite of that he has kept up weekly (at least) contact with our parents and had dutifully fulfilled a number a roles including being of considerable help with practical and manual tasks. As most of you appear to know, the rules regarding association with df'd family members had become a wee bit more relaxed. I add that in my case the rules were strict when I was df'd and have been strictly adhered to for the past 23 years, with a few exceptions (like when my expertise is required). As you may also be aware, following recent exposure of Org. policy, the strictness has been reapplied and reinforced as a 'closing ranks' strategy is employed. Now it seems that my father has had his driver's licence withdrawn. He's now too blind to drive. He asked my df'd brother to take him and my mother to a meeting, which he dutifully and happily did. On the way home he was told that Father had been 'reminded' of the association with df'd family members rule and therefore lifts would no longer be acceptable. My parents also added that they did not want my brother to call round again and that his help and company was unwelcome. My brother can be quite an angry guy. It seems that he is in a state of shock that renders anger futile. The poor kid is in considerable emotional pain. He's also lost and doesn't know which way to turn. I see it as him grieving the loss of his parents only they're still alive. One thing he is resolute about and that is NO JWs. We have been getting closer of late and I'm am delighted that he thought to ring me and sound off. One thing I see as very important is being able to use our past experiences as a way of helping others. He has food for thought... he also been provided with a means of treating our parents with kindness, as I believe that they are truly spiritually, emotionally, mentally (and as it happens diagnosed as physically)sick people. I'm also delighted to be able to 'be there' for my brother when he needed me. No recriminations, no judgements. Just support. He's unaware of the support that I have with me, and you guys are a valuable part of that support... thanx. I strongly suspect that if I'd still been the angry disfellowshipee that I was 23 years ago the last thing he would have done would be to contact me. When I ask myself why I continue as I do, plodding away getting on with my life, and why I spend the time I do in forums such as these... last night's phone call from my brother reminds me how worthwhile it is. I have a very full life today, I have a great life outside of the Org.,... and forums such as these are just one part on my full and meaningful life. I don't forget my past nor wish to close the door on it, if I forget then I might start to repeat past errors. I do however use my past (warts and all) as a way of helping others, I get out of me... and in the process I'm able to help (amongst one or two others) my brother. What a great life, and how powerful is the ability to be able to forgive. FreeToBeMe

  • Scully


    I am proud, Scully, but I feel like I'm standing still, but I can't shake the feeling that I need to help people get out of the JWs. I wanted to die when I was a JW. My childhood and teenage years were the worst time of my life. I would be bothered if I didn't at least try to help.

    The other thing we are accomplishing - maybe without even realizing it - is to help people NOT BECOME JWs. Unlike almost all JW boards that you can't even lurk on unless you give your real name, location, congregation name, PO's name etc, this is a place where people who might be inclined to join the JWs can see the enormous damage that is done by the Organization. Our collective comments, thoughts and experiences are a huge testimony to that, and will help keep vulnerable people free from the shackles of a dangerous cult. In that respect, we're all helping others.

    Not everyone is cut out to be a 'deprogrammer', but together we have a lot to offer to people who are trying to get out of the JWs, and those who could become ensnared by them.

    Love, Scully

  • Wolfgirl

    I haven't tried to "get my family out," so to speak. I know it'll never happen. I don't think they would believe me if I told them what I have learned, and they'd certainly never look at an "APOSTATE" site like this one. *rolls eyes*

    I haven't been out that long, and I'm still trying to overcome the guilt feelings I have because of leaving, and the worries about "what if they're right" yada yada yada. I don't know if you all felt the same way after leaving or not. But it's very difficult for me to get over.

    I am writing my experiences down, not that I'm going to publish or anything. Writing it all down...the abuse by my father and mother, my husband, and my experiences as a JW. That helps me more than anything. I don't think anyone that I knew in the past would listen to me anyway. The shunning is total and effective.

  • SYN

    Scully makes an excellent point, i.e., for every Witness we manage to tear away from the Society, at least a hundred are dissauded from every joining it!

  • dmouse

    I know when I go on holiday that I miss this board desperately. Mainly because I like to keep track of current events related to JW land. As time progresses I feel it becomes less important, and I feel more relaxed about the whole thing, other matters come into focus.

    But when I come back and start reading the threads I feel an anger and bitterness against the JW religion start to build up inside me. JW matters start to take on a disproportionate part of my thoughts. I wonder to myself - why? Why can't I just let go and get on with my life? Do I really need this bitterness in my life? I think that it would help me personally to put it all behind and carry on, but then would I be being selfish? Who knows, when we post information exposing the Society, who is reading it? I can't say that Iv'e helped ANYONE, not even my family who are still in. But one day the information gleaned from this site may just help me to save someone from the Borg.

    I also think, as others have said, that we help non-JWs who are researching the religion. Nowadays people find a lot of their information off the Net. When JWs call on people and generate interest it is likely that many will seek out information about the religion - and they may stumble onto boards like this. If they do, then what they learn should stop them from becoming another victim. That's got to be worth a little effort!

  • A Paduan
    A Paduan

    JW matters start to take on a disproportionate part of my thoughts. I wonder to myself - why? Why can't I just let go and get on with my life?

    Because you know what wolfgirl means when she says

    I'm still trying to overcome the guilt feelings I have because of leaving, and the worries.... it's very difficult for me to get over....I don't think anyone that I knew in the past would listen to me anyway.

    You understand, when it seems no one does, and that's important, because it gets covered up in the WTs great effort to appear so 'nice'; when the truth is that people have been grieved to the core by them.

    It's an important job.


    Edited by - a paduan on 18 August 2002 8:2:56

  • minimus

    A SHIT AKER, It's posts like yours that make this board a great place. You ask a heartfelt, real question and you get people to think! As we grow, we learn and live other things, not just Witness life. Your contributions are always very much appreciated and valued.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    When I first left the JWs I really needed to deal with my childhood abuse issues (pre JW). In doing that I realized that an old childhood desire to help others who had been abused. Naively I went into that think I would rid the world of child abuse. So naive. But I learned. I could work on just my tiny piece of it. Very small and often I would never know what effect I had.

    I have been blessed though in knowing I have made an impact on people's lives. But I also know I have made an impact on people and never knew it at the time.Years later I have met people or heard from people who tell me they saw me speak somewhere or read my web page or read a comment I made. One even told me she read an excerpt in a book that someone else published that hekped her. But I think those are the rarities. Most often the impact is unknown.

    After a few years I began to deal with the JW issues and I still am on some issues regarding this. I have no idea how far reaching my words go on the internet. But the last month has been odd. I have 3 JWs emailing me right now. They are at a cross-roads.

    A month ago another one was emailing me. For now she has decided to stay. But seeds of discontent are planted in her heart. Not by me but by her experiences. But she is asking questions. Her discontent will grow and as it grows she will reach out again. Maybe not to me but I am sure she will reach out again.

    For every person who has posted in here there are amny more lurkers. Those who are in. Those who have left. Those who are studying. Those who have a relative in - or a girl or boyfriend. Or someone just interested. We just never know.

    I am very lucky because people tell me that what I say helps them. Hopefully it helps others too.

    One thing that I learned about recovery is that in the telling of our stories, in the sharing of the process, we release the hold that the abuse/control/stigma has over us. I often tell people recovery is like peeling an onion. Each layer will trigger new aspects of what we went through. Many layers will make us cry. But eventually we reach the core - the sweetest part and sometimes the most painful. I our sharing we heal ourselves.

    Sometimes we do need a break. I take them and disappear for a bit. But then I am back for another layer of my onion or to offer help someone peel another layer of theirs. Either way I am stronger

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